LAYAAN Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 "How is it that you never had a bf? don't you have needs?" I looked shocked, my jaw dropped open and stayed open for I dont' know how long. I tried to collect myself and muttered some words "I'm very busy and I have some high priority things in my life that I need to attend to" How would you respond? "None of your business. I think we are done here." and walk away? "currently I have BOB that takes care of my needs?" "I have FWB that provide for my needs?" "I've changed a truckful of boyfriends, now I'm looking for the next one, would you mind being the next one in the series?" "Since you are sitting here with me, I assume that you don't have a partner, how are you taking care of your needs?" I am so numb after hearing this Q. How will you answer this Q if it was thrown at you? I sometimes wonder why men ask me such Qs? Is it something that I'm projecting? Am I too nice? How to stop this from happening again? Will I constantly be judged for not having a bf? Am I so abnormal that a random man can just get up and question me on something so highly personal? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I think its very rude and nothing to do with him. Your entitled to focus on your life and have a bf when your ready too, if you want too. I know loads of women perfectly happy in their own company and lives. I would have said 'Cos Im happy as I am thanks, not that its your business' Link to comment
DN Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Same answer any time anyone asks an inappropriate, personal question: "Why do you want to know?" Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Wow. I hope you're done talking with him. I think your answer was fine. I would not have answered or I would have just said I'm happy on my own or something like that. Link to comment
purpleduckie Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 no, i dont have a NEED for a boyfriend. i have this weird condition called independence. Link to comment
russ978 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 "How is it that you never had a bf? don't you have needs?" The only reason most people would ask that question is if you said. "I've never had a boyfriend." Why are you broadcasting this to people you don't feel comfortable talking to about your personal life? Link to comment
greywolf Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 no, i dont have a NEED for a boyfriend. i have this weird condition called independence. LOL. I'd probably say, "I haven't found anyone good enough for me yet." as arrogantly as I could. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 "Because all i find in this world are guys like you" Link to comment
g84 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I think that your first answer was good; I would also be bothered by that question (if it is asked in that way as well). There could be different reasons why someone hasn't had or doesn't have a boyfriend. Link to comment
ellandroader Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I get similar comments from some girls, because I tend to be shy and haven't had much romance in my life. Just one of those things. One got too insulting, my response was ---- second word was "Off". Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 i get asked all the time 'why don't you have a gf?' i always reply, 'cause most girls are crazy.' they usually agree. lol Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 The phrasing was just so rude. If someone asked me that question without the "don't you have needs?" part, I'd be much more inclined to be nice about it. But adding that part on just makes it rude...as though men and women cannot survive, let alone be happy, without one another. Oh no, poor single people...what are we to do with ourselves?! LOL. When I get asked this question (and lucky for me it's never been phrased rudely...it's usually been phrased as a compliment) I just say I haven't found the right person yet. Most people are satisfied with that answer and just move on to another topic. Link to comment
sbux_addict Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 wow, this is so similar to the show, "tough love" on VH1. I would be kind of pissed, but the guy turned out to be a cynic and he just couldn't believe a great catch is not yet taken. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 'haven't met someone that i wanted to put my all into yet.' Link to comment
sparkles4 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Ew, I hate those types of questions and get them all the time. I don't think people are trying to be rude by asking; they just assume that everyone wants to be in a relationship and find it weird when people aren't, especially if that person is someone who would be considered attractive. They don't understand that some people don't want a relationship, or won't settle for just anyone for the sake of being in a relationship. It's tempting to give these people a snappy response, but I usually just answer their question truthfully, and tell them that I am much happier when I am single. Link to comment
purpleduckie Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 'haven't met someone that i wanted to put my all into yet.' lol pun intended? on topic, i don't think that the person asking meant to be rude. there's no need to tell them off, in my opinion. and in my experience, indian people have different understand of rudeness. i hope this won't offend anyone, but when i got transferred to this highschool that had a lot of indian people, i was constantly offended by the way they talked. after awhile, i got used to it and realized they didn't mean any harm. Link to comment
LonelyMoondancer Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 What about when someone of the same sex asks you? I was once hanging out with a group of people i knew sort of well, I was friends with two of the people and one person brought her housemates along. One of those housemates, a girl, randomly asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend when we were alone and I was puzzled as to why she would ask. I think I stammered something about being picky and not just wanting anyone and being busy. As to the OP's question, I'd say it's probably not always asked out of malice if they're just asking why you don't have a boyfriend. Bad choice of wording though. If they asked you about having needs, then they're probably one of those people who think you need a reltionship to be happy, and that whenever you're not in one you're unhappily searching for one. Nothing wrong with saying something snippy, that's what they get for being so bold! Link to comment
Mr Blue Eyes Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 About 90% of the time when this question is ask to me it's generally they just to find out more about me ie What music you listen too, what football team you surport, and it's all done in a very friendly manor. The reply I give is "I'm just too busy too have a GF" while this works most of the time and people can see my point there are some people who just want to be plain rude and there not worth bothering with. Link to comment
WendyO Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Is this someone from the arranged marriage site? I thought you said you were giving up? I honestly don't know where you meet this guys. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 "How is it that you never had a bf? don't you have needs?" The only reason most people would ask that question is if you said. "I've never had a boyfriend." Why are you broadcasting this to people you don't feel comfortable talking to about your personal life? not broadcasting. He asked me about my previous relationships. So, I had to say the truth. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 LOL. I'd probably say, "I haven't found anyone good enough for me yet." as arrogantly as I could. I try not to answer rudely b'coz when I did that, at one time, the guy immediately said "you don't need me to tell you why you are single then." and then it was so awkward to sit there in front of him. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 i get asked all the time 'why don't you have a gf?' i always reply, 'cause most girls are crazy.' they usually agree. lol LOL, see, thats what I mean, you have something against all girls ghost. this is 3rd time, you are bashing most females out there. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 Is this someone from the arranged marriage site? I thought you said you were giving up? I honestly don't know where you meet this guys. This is not through arranged marriage, this is one of the guys I met through EH. I'm giving up on finding love. arranged marriage, love marriage, anything, everything. I'll probably blindfold myself and marry the next human with a wick or something like that. I normally dont write -ve stuff but yes, I've had no luck so far. Just fielding really personal Qs always. Men ask me whatever and when I snap back, they say "see, thats the reason you are still single." Link to comment
servedcold Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Tinu, hope you don't give up and settle. You are a great catch and deserve a quality, loving and interesting man. How exactly are these topics getting brought up? These are not early date topics, and not even good topics any time. Early dates and conversations should be a flow of flirtation, wit and some funny anecdotes that point to commonality, not these kinds of fishing questions. I think you may be talking to these men too much before meeting. If they don't show signs of asking you out directly within a couple weeks, lose them and move on to the next. Always keep initial conversations short. Don't let them become interminable 20 question sessions unless the questions are fun and humorous. It's more fun and attraction forming to find things out about someone gradually over time, not to spill the beans at once or expect to interrogate someone. Is there a cultural element to this? are these kinds of grilling not considered rude when dating in your culture? Best wishes. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 I really think its cultural b'coz my American friends haven't told me anything like this happen with them. They cringe at this when I share such stories with them. I only go for men within my race. Nothing against other races, I just feel that I can interact better with them. (I'm second guessing that belief now) If a non-Indian man approaches me, I'm open to that as well. All Indian men have asked me very early on about finances. Its like, "I'm able to do better than you, let me quickly size you up and give you 1st round results." I've experienced that Indian men in the US are looking for 2 things - 1st) do I find you physically attractive, is there spark, fireworks 2) earning ability. I'm foolish to even consider marrying for love. Marriage is a business, simple and pure. You would be lucky to find a friend, a confidant, a well-wisher in your spouse. I tell you, I'm at fault. I'm answering every question honestly. I won't now on. I just won't. I'm gonna say "Thats way too personal Q for a 1st date, I don't want to answer it at this time." This man asked me about my relationship status. I said "I have not been in a relationship, I have considered a man for marriage that was introduced to me by my parents through arranged marriage system but it didn't work out." I can't make things up b'coz I really have never had a BF. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.