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GF Preg. How to break the news???


AGuy1

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Hi everyone,

 

I'm totally new to the forum and I'm looking for some advice. Just a little background. I've been with my gf for nearly 2 years and she recently discovered she was preg even after using a condom. We are in our early 30's and we both come from families that are a little more traditional. Even though we are old enough and are financially stable we are worried about telling our parents that we are having this baby out of wedlock. we do plan on getting married, but no right away. we are looking to marry in about a yr or so.

 

What are some ideas on letting our parents know about the pregnancy? If you had a daughter or son who where in the early 30's and were financially stable would you be upset about the pregnancy before marriage?

 

Thanks in advance.

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even after using a condom.

I don't want to be negative here, but every time? Did it break or something? Like I said, I don't want to be negative, but i'd be curious if I was using one every time and it never broke.

 

I have 'traditional' parents too, and trust me, at my age, they'd be jumping up and down to find out I was finally going to give them a grandkid!

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Your're adults, yeah, sure, you're children of your parents (and that never seems to go away completely) but since you're parents are, I'm guessing, 55 plus or so, then they've been around a bit and are hopefully able to see the good in situations.

 

I'd bet they'd be tickled pink to have a grandchild - especially if it's their first. You know, they might just surprise you. Plenty of people our parents age had "rush" marriages for that very reason. Be happy (and they might be happy too) that you don't have to "rush" the marriage because society says so.

 

Besides all that, they are gonna find out anyway presumably so.....

 

Hi Shuttlefish,

Our parents will probably be happy with the grandchild. I know my mom has always said that she wants to baby sit when she becomes a grandma. I guess my main concern is how parents will take it when they find out that we are having a child before marriage.

 

Do you think its more accepted these days and also considering our age?

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Hi Shuttlefish,

Our parents will probably be happy with the grandchild. I know my mom has always said that she wants to baby sit when she becomes a grandma. I guess my main concern is how parents will take it when they find out that we are having a child before marriage.

 

Do you think its more accepted these days and also considering our age?

 

Your parents are individuals and will likely respond with their own opinions regardless of the societal acceptability factor. If you are really concerned you could let them figure it out for themselves.

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I don't want to be negative here, but every time? Did it break or something? Like I said, I don't want to be negative, but i'd be curious if I was using one every time and it never broke.

 

I have 'traditional' parents too, and trust me, at my age, they'd be jumping up and down to find out I was finally going to give them a grandkid!

 

yeah surprisingly condoms are only 86% effective under "normal" use. I don't think the condom broke, but perhaps there was user error that occurred when taking it off or it really could have broke without us knowning or it could have been defective.

 

I know my parents will be happy with the grandkid, but how would they feel if it was out of wedlock?

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yeah surprisingly condoms are only 86% effective under "normal" use. I don't think the condom broke, but perhaps there was user error that occurred when taking it off or it really could have broke without us knowning or it could have been defective.

 

I know my parents will be happy with the grandkid, but how would they feel if it was out of wedlock?

Yeah, they're not 100% effective.

 

A lot of people have children out of wedlock these days. Most of the people I know have had children before they were married, including both my brother and sister. They were much younger when they had kids though so my parents were not entirely happy about it - until the kids were born...then they couldn't get enough of them!

 

In your 30's, i'm quite certain your parents will be happy to hear the news!

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Congratulations on the pregnancy! I wouldn't worry too much about your parents. Even if they are very traditional, I think that they will be very happy that you're going to be a parent and that you're planning on getting married.

 

If they do have a problem with it, there isn't much you can do about it anyway. You have to live your own life.

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I suspect that your parents will be initially surprised, but very happy in the long run, especially knowing that you two have plans to marry. My parents also believe that children should be had in the context of marriage, and I know they'd be surprised and initally a bit worried if I became pregnant before getting married. But I think they would get over it and be happy and excited for the arrival of their grandchild. I suspect a lot of parents are like this. They may not be thrilled about the idea, but they will be thrilled about the child especially when they know both people are responsible and capable adults who will make good parents.

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You are 30, and this is your choice. I would tell them you have awesome news, that you are expecting your first child with the woman you love and certainly not tell them that it was unplanned.

 

Me and my fiance are trying for our first now, and to be married in september. My parents are religious and very much against the idea. However, they can't help to look forward to becoming grandparents as well. This is about your life, not theirs. This will be one of the many things in which you don't live your life like your parents would. They will eventually learn to accept that- I think every parent has to.

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being grandparents when they're 55-65 will be good news for them, at least they're still young enough to play with their grandchildren and all that.

 

It all comes down to how you tell them... you DO NOT 'break the news' or go in there saying 'oh err, she's pregnant' - you NEED to go in and smile and be overly happy and confident (even if you're still unsure) to give that impression of excitement which will be shared by them "oh my god we're so happy, you'll never believe it, its the best news ever".... you're sharing good news, not breaking it to them.

 

the power of positive thinking

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I think you should wait to tell them once she reaches 12 weeks (end of the first trimester).

 

When you do, I agree that you should tell them that you have "great news".

 

If you 2 act like it's something to be embarassed about then it will only feed into their conservative beliefs.

 

If you are both 30, financially stable, and planning on marrying anyways- I think that it is great that you are having a baby. It's not a big deal in today's society to have a child out of wedlock. It sounds like your child will have a good foundation, unlike most kids that are brought into the world today.

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I think you should wait to tell them once she reaches 12 weeks (end of the first trimester).

 

When you do, I agree that you should tell them that you have "great news".

 

If you 2 act like it's something to be embarassed about then it will only feed into their conservative beliefs.

 

If you are both 30, financially stable, and planning on marrying anyways- I think that it is great that you are having a baby. It's not a big deal in today's society to have a child out of wedlock. It sounds like your child will have a good foundation, unlike most kids that are brought into the world today.

 

Agree with this. Congratulations BTW.

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Thanks for all the replys and suggestions. I agree that when telling the parents I should try to stay positive, but its hard to do when you know your parents won't be happy with the fact that we are having the child out of wedlock and waiting another yr to marry. Really there is no easy way to tell them.

 

The positives are that we are in our early 30's (not teens or still in college), was planning to marry sooner or later and financially responsible. And its not like they expect us not to have sex at our age.

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for those who have been or know of someone who has had a child outside marriage how did the parents react when they found out?

 

My parents were quite shock but they warmed up quickly. I'd say took a few days...

I was no where near my thirties, wasn't done school, wasn't engaged/married nor living with the bf etc... the classic elements weren't "right".

 

It's a bit of a rush to get all the elements done in disorder; but we're pretty happy and everything turned out fine.

It seems like you have most of the "classic" pieces put together so I wouldn't worry too much about it. Most of people don't necessarily get married before having children or moving together.

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My parents were quite shock but they warmed up quickly. I'd say took a few days...

I was no where near my thirties, wasn't done school, wasn't engaged/married nor living with the bf etc... the classic elements weren't "right".

 

It's a bit of a rush to get all the elements done in disorder; but we're pretty happy and everything turned out fine.

It seems like you have most of the "classic" pieces put together so I wouldn't worry too much about it. Most of people don't necessarily get married before having children or moving together.

 

thanks for sharing your experience. yes i agree that having "classic elements" is not as common these days. i admit it's these classic elements thats kind of making me stress out. Not married and not living together just yet but soon. its funny how society can puch so much pressure on people to do certain things.

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I would say that you should talk to them together- as a united front- a team. I think any negative reactions from parents will be minimized if it is the 2 of you breaking the news (especially from your own parents). If there is another person present they'd probably be less likely to come down hard on you.

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Thanks Bella,

 

I was thinking the samething.

 

My dad passed away when I was young so my mom has been a single parent. I haven't really done anyhing in life to disappoint my mom, but I think this time i will disappoint her. I feel bad for letting her down. I've lived with my mom all this time because I didn't want her to be alone and now I feel like I'm giving her a double wammy by telling her my gf is pregnant and that I will be moving out.

 

I don't think she will yell at us for what happened, but I just don't want to see her reaction because I know it's going to break her heart

 

But in the long run I know she will be happy because we are adding to the family with the baby and my gf (when we marry)

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Glad to hear it! Do your girlfriend's parents know?

 

 

Thank you .Yes her parents know.

 

The only slight issue is that they want us to be married b4 the baby comes, but we want to have the wedding after the baby is here so that we have more time to plan. we don't want a rushed wedding.

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