How can I get over this girl, should I tell her how I feel?

[KarlP]

There is this girl I've known for a few months now who lives in the same dorm as me. She is incredibly beautiful and I've really come to like her the more I've gotten to know her. Unfortunately, I'm so shy around her that we've barely spoken at all. I'm around her a fair amount, but I always just stay out of the conversations she's having with other people, so she doesn't really know me at all and at this point probably thinks I'm really antisocial/don't like her/am a total loser or something.

 

And, worst of all, now she is in a relationship with another guy, and I'm left heartbroken and full of regret over not getting closer to her. I wouldn't want to break them up or anything, because she seems happy, but its made me so depressed I don't know how I can continue this. I've tried to get over her but I just can't, especially since there is still that feeling of "what if...?" Should I tell her how I feel, even though she is in a relationship and she doesn't know me that well, or would that make her uncomfortable?

[Yanet]

Don't tell her how you feel. Damn, I find it amazing that you ask this. What possibilities do you envisage after confessing your feelings?

 

1. Says "aww, thank you but I have a boyfriend" and pats you on the head.

 

2. Says "who are you?"

 

3. Same as 1 or 2 and feels creeped out.

 

4. Leaves her boyfriend for you.

 

You've already said you're shy and didn't engage with her, which means possibilities 1 - 3 are most likely and number 4 isn't going to happen. Telling her your feelings leaves both of you feeling more awkward about it and no gain for you.

 

Meet more girls.

[KarlP]

Thanks for the responses,

 

@Yanet: She does know who I am, we just haven't really had any one-on-one conversations. I don't expect her to leave her boyfriend for me or anything, but I might not see her again after this term and if I at least tell her, who knows, maybe she was a little interested in me and if their relationship doesn't work out at least we'd have some history there.

 

I'd like to meet other girls and just move on, but how can I date someone else when there is still another girl I'd rather be with?

[Yanet]

Thanks for the responses,

 

@Yanet: She does know who I am, we just haven't really had any one-on-one conversations. I don't expect her to leave her boyfriend for me or anything, but I might not see her again after this term and if I at least tell her, who knows, maybe she was a little interested in me and if their relationship doesn't work out at least we'd have some history there.

 

I'd like to meet other girls and just move on, but how can I date someone else when there is still another girl I'd rather be with?

 

If their relationship doesn't work out how would you two have any history? I think it'd just make things awkward between you and her, and if she tells your mutual friends awkward for them too. But hey, if you're never going to see them again after confessing it's not an issue. I don't think confessing will make her like you more though. Telling a girl you like her has no advantages, and only a disadvantage.

 

The girl you'd rather be with is all in your head. You've somehow made her out to be perfect and won't consider other girls. Just realize girls are pretty similar and you don't get wonderfully special individuals - only how special you choose to imagine them to be. Moving on and dating more girls will help you realize this. It'll also make you less likely to get fixated on any one girl, which means you won't have such high expectations on one person and so in the end will most likely be emotionally easier for you.

[Rickster]

KarlP, I cannot believe that our situation is so similar. Sounds almost like me. Although I didn't know the girl I liked had a boyfriend. Contrary to what everyone believes, I have no regrets confessing to her. Do you get the feeling that you don't talk to her much because there's a psychological barrier that you don't want to mess up whatever connection you two hold, even if it was just a minute connection? That's what was holding me back from speaking to her; I was so afraid to speak to her. I can tell you that after confessing, I manage to break down that wall and be more of myself. I see her everyday in the dorm and am not afraid of walking pass her, or saying something. I have to admit, this girl cares a lot about how others feel, and it was in no small part due to how she confronted me and rejected me. I have a lot of admiration and respect for the qualities that this girl holds, and this is why I totally respect her decision and let her go. Bare in mind that I couldn't let go off my ex for two and a half years, this is something quite new for me; that I managed to let her go so easily.

 

Buddy, if you want to talk PM me.