should i go no contact or is now the time to ask how she feels really?

[le_sex]

my ex and i after a period of four months no contact have gone back to being friends we were broke up eight months, she has issues to say the least the father of her child ran away from her and the baby her dads an alcoholic and she was basically used by every man she met.

 

anyway she dumped me because she got scared she wasn't used to a normal relationship she said (gigs) after this there was a period of four months were she rang me all the time saying she loved me crying down the phone to me, even saying we would get back together i asked her back and she said no we lead different lives (she later claimed this is because i moved in with 2 female room mates).

 

for four months after this i instated no contact ignoring her several times she wished me happy christmas and asked could she call me, she did and we got on great we even met up she said she didnt want to have sex in case the feelings came back on her half. anyway around this time she found out that i was sleeping with another girl during my period of no contact, i confirmed it when asked as we were broken up and lately she has stopped texting as much and every text i have received was a jealous one asking which of my mates did i have sex with or do i wait till the second date.

 

my father was an alcoholic so i appreciate that shes messed up and i know she has feelings for me on some level, do i confront her about the jealousy or initiate no contact again? i do want to get her back but most importantly want us to be friends again because we were really good friends.

[Ms Darcy]

You may not like to hear this, but I don't think that you should try to get back with her ... at least not any time soon. It sounds like unhealthy relationship patterns are all that she knows. Keeping you on a string would be one of them. I would gently suggest that you could use some individual therapy. Try out another relationship too - a healthy one. I think you need to learn about what healthy feels like. If you both are single in the future, then you might go for it again. But it sounds like she's not healed from either her past or the break up.

 

I know missing the friendship is hard, but if you want reconciliation then you need to find other friends. If you want to be friends, true friends that expect nothing of each other, then you can't have lingering desires to get back. So, no contact for a while longer, I would suggest, while you work on yourself.

[IMAbadman]

Wow. Heck of a story and a hard read at that.

 

Her sniffing around and jealousy indicate to me that there is something there. First of all you two need to communicate… hopefully not as choppy as you write. Sorry bro.

 

Don’t be confrontational with her. Go out, have fun, make her laugh and then at some point just ask her, “What’s up with us?” She’ll probably say she just wants to be friends because saying “relationship” could put her in the firing line for you to reject.

 

You need to be prepared for this. Do you seriously want to be her friend? You say yes but that’s only because you think it’ll make her want to take you back. Honestly… not a good move. I personally, when ever I got the “Let’s be friends” talk I have said NO. I find it confusing and counter productive, they can’t see being in a relationship with me and I can’t see being in a supposed “friendship” with them.

 

It’s up to you what you choose to do after she makes her offer. It all starts with communication. Don’t push it, ease into it, and feel your way through it.

[spook]

What does GIGS stand for?

[le_sex]

grass is greener