Mixed Feelings and Old Wounds

[kitchentable]

So, recently I have been told that I caused a breakup 9 months ago by being mean and treating my ex like S#$%. Apparently, I was mean, judgmental and terrible. Also, I have been labeled as bitter for going NC, immature for being heartbroken and hateful for having feelings of resentment towards her for betraying me.

 

This is weird because 3 months ago I was told that said ex felt guilty for hurting me and regretted how the break up happened.

 

I have been strict NC since October. I readily admit my mistakes in the break up but the most recent news is ridiculous.

 

At the time of the break up I was told she was bored. Her friends told me she played me. Her best friend told me she wasn't over her ex (for two years of our relationship).

 

I know its been a while and maybe this news shouldn't have any effect on me but it does. Please don't say "move on". That's insulting. I am moving on and have been. I would just like someone's take on the ever-evolving stories I keep hearing.

[purpleduckie]

the girl is a mess. don't bother. forget her as much as you can. don't think about her, don't give her the chance to hurt you anymore than she already has. my ex changes his story all the time. one minute, he's at fault. the next, i'm the #%&^! it used to piss me off so much. i ran the stories over and over and none of it makes sense. and you know what? it doesn't matter. she can say whatever she wants, let her be stuck on this. you forget about it and enjoy yourself.

[keenan]

Humans have bad memories, so we write 'stories' to help us make sense of our experiences. These stories can change as we get further from the events that we're remembering, and they also get updated/reinterpreted to better match the new person that we're becoming.

 

Sounds like your ex is still re-hashing your breakup, trying on different narratives to see which version fits her best.

[kitchentable]

She could call me for the story. I remember exactly what happened (probably always will).

[keenan]

But your story is your story.

 

She has to write her own version so that she can make sense of her life. I'm sorry that she's vilifying you in the process.

 

An objective truth exists, but nobody alive knows it.

[kitchentable]

You're absolutely right. This just goes to show why it never worked in the first place. Never really saw eye to eye.

[ellandroader]

She's busy rewriting history and boosting her ego. I am sorry you are having to go through this. Some people always do that, or worse still, pretend you never existed or that nothing happened.

 

It'll catch up on her time, don't you worry.

[Ganjette_69]

I'm going through the SAME exact thing. I change stories a lot. Like...yes I know my faults and I do feel bad for it.....however my guy has never apologized to me, never admitted any faults like i have, and has refused to stop doing the things that he knows hurts me. You just really need to have a good talk with her.

[kitchentable]

I apologized enough to her throughout the relationship. I don't owe her one now.

[loulee]

I personally would put an abrupt end to hearing about her in any shape or form...it creates negative energy for you and self doubt like you perhaps feel a need to justify yourself..you dont.....its over...history..so keep moving forward and ban any mention of her from friends etc..it really works..