I'm always so ANGRY with him!

[Keri_katt]

I fly off the handle at the drop of a hat! We have been together for 3 years now, he has a daughter who is 5. We had a very rocky start with some trust issues that I have really never gotten over. Now, I find myself suspicious, insecure and constantly wanting to punish him for things that happened years ago! I am at my absolute wits end! It's ME! I can't let go of what happened in the past, I'm not comfortable being so insecure and suspicious all the time... I'm miserable!

 

I need to hit the reset button and start over. He has done nothing to lead me to believe that he will ever betray my trust again and yet I STILL can't let it go. I say that I have forgiven him but then I THROW it in his face again when I'm angry.

 

I am a TERRIBLE girlfriend these days! I have always been the confident, fun, secure, best friend of a girlfriend and now I'm an insecure mess.

 

Has anyone ever experienced this? If so, were you able to over come it?

 

I love my boyfriend and his daughter. We are a GREAT couple and we have made a wonderful life together. I'm scared that it's going to fall apart because I can't control my thoughts or my anger toward him for things that happened in the past.

[Sarati]

Hi, I am so sorry that you are in this dark place right now.

 

You are holding on to resentment and you are not forgiving him. Below is a link to an article (there are 2 pages), give it a read and see if it can help set your feet on the path to forgiveness.

 

link removed

 

I just read some of your backstory from last year, and realize that this has been going on a long time between you, and that there have been some very physical flare-ups, and that there is a child in your home. I understand now that things are constantly on "low simmer" with you. Don't think for a second that this is not affecting the little child in your lives.

 

I believe professional, therapeutic help is needed to help you resolve what happened in the beginning of your relationship, as well as explore the cause of your unresolved anger issues. Anger is a secondary reaction, usually due to having a sore button pushed by the one "making us" angry. Please begin to realize that nobody can "make" you angry without your permission. It is a choice to blow up and a choice to act out. This is not meant as a blame statement, just as a heads-up about a skill that can be difficult to master. It can be done,though! Read on...

 

If you want to keep the life you have built together, and you love your man, forgiveness is necessary. Very difficult in some cases, but absolutely necessary. If you truly feel what he did is unforgivable, then moving on is the next step. It sounds like you do NOT want to end it.

 

I hope you will find some relief soon, and begin to heal. The forgiveness portion of this process is essential, and try to remember that it is not something you do just once, but a process that needs to be re-visited often throughout the relationship, because humans are imperfect, quirky beings, and will constantly fail to live up to expectations.

 

Good luck, and HUGS to you, all three of you.

[Catdancer]

Your whole thread sounds like deja vu for me. I know what you are going through. Seeing a counselor or someone who can help you work through your issues and get to the core problem would be your best solution. It's not easy. Even now, I still get mad at my bf for what seems like no reason. I try to be aware of it and control it more, but it still happens. I have pretty much gotten over the insecurities and trust issues that we had. But again it's been really hard.

[pumpkinmoon]

What has he done to betray your trust in the past?

[Ms Darcy]

After this much resentment, anger, and trust issues, I would say that you have three choices: continue this way until he leaves, seek immediate therapy, or walk away yourself.

 

It's all about you. If you cannot control yourself, you don't need to be together: bottom line. And no man is going to put up with that forever if he feels like he's been trying to prove he deserves your trust for so long. I'm not saying it to be harsh, I'm just saying this to motivate you to act.