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My bf is leaving the country and won't be able to return. How can I deal with this? I want to die.


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Hi...well.. my bf just told me that he would have to return to his country probably in about 2 weeks (kind of an emergency) His family bussiness is bankrupt because of the now bad economy, his status in this country is not that of a resident or citizen but he is not here illigally either. All this is really complicated and he has 2 choices, weather move to another province if they find jobs there or go back to his country. His family has so many debts already (mainly the house mortage) It is very true that with the money they could earn by selling their stuff they could be almost millionares in his home country, but I wonder.. what about me? about us... I already talked to him and gave him a third option (complicated but works) and he told me that if he stays here and follows my plan he would live miserably but if he goes back to his country he could even go to University (since this country won't let him because of his status) and he already have jobs offers from the local Radio and TV stations in his country...then he asked me what would I prefer for him. That made me feel so selfish, but at the same time, he could follow my plan and it would work and he knows it but it is not the asiest way. He suggested long ago to move with him to his country ...but seriously...I wouldn't. I came from a country like his too, I suffered hunger, discrimination, abuse of all kinds, and the education is pretty bad. Life gave me another opportunity here. I am a citizen now and I want my future to be here. I don't want to follow him and end up in a poor place again, without studies and depending on him...surrounded by his (evil) family members (they are really mean), even if he is going to be wealthy in his country now. I decided to let him go if he really wants to follow his dreams, and I will stay here to accomplish my goals too, but this hurts like hell...we have been trough so much, 5 years together ...this is not easy but I think that I shouldn't be selfish and let him go even though he could even study here if he follows my plan, but it would take longer and would be hard but my family and I would support him...and that makes me think he doesn't love me enough as to make the effort. I don't know what to do, this is so hard to deal with, and to make matters worse he asked me not to tell my dad about it, he knows my dad would move the skies if possible to help him, but I guess he really wants the easiest way, but I really want to tell my dad about it, not only to help him but because it is so hard to hide my misery from them. Also I know he would consider a long distance relationship, but you know that kind of thing almost never works out. However we don't see each other so often since we graduated from highschool due to work and school (2 years ago or so) so I'm a little used to be apart from him, but at least I knew he was living in the same city What should I do? I knew this would happen some day, but even if 10000 pass I could never be ready for this. I really love him. Also, I'm afraid of so many things, when he came to this country I had already arrived here 1 year before him, we became very good friends and he told me that he had a gf back in his country and that she was his first gf, and that when he told her that he had to come here...she let him go. I'm so jelous of her, I feel like I'm so selfish and I don't deserve anything, that girl really loved him I guess or maybe not because even though my bf was very faithful she cheated on him with my bf's best friend and then she dumped him. Well...really I don't know what to do, I would love to follow him to the end of the world, but .. something tells me my life doesn't end there. I believe things should be fair and that I should go and follow my own dreams not his, but I'm not like him, I'm not that strong, I would get depress and ...well the situation at home would be pretty bad...specially with my father, last time I got depressed over my bf...he beat me up...Any advise please? I feel like dying. Thank you guys.

 

P.S. All this just happened ...in less than a month so he was not hiding it from me, things just got worse last minute.

 

We are 22 btw

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ignoring the non-relationship stuff here...

 

that makes me think he doesn't love me enough as to make the effort

 

so because he wont follow your plan he doesn't love you, but when you won't move to his country (because you don't want to live in a 'poorer' country) he won't think the same?

 

I think it's a bad situation here, but if he wants to (and needs to) go back to his country and you don't want to go (which sounds like the case) then really... honestly... you guys need to think about the possibility of ending it.

 

Sorry

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Thank you for the reply...and good point though ...I thought about it and may be I didn't explain myself well...what I meant is that it is not fair that he asks me to go with him, because what about my dreams? He has dreams too right? and he decided to follow these by going to his country instead of enduring harships here in order to stay with me, and yeah It was wrong to say he didn't love me because of that...and well... about "poorer countries" I'm not picky or anything...I wouldn't bother living there or whatever it is just that I have lived in a place like that before, and now I have the opportunity to study in this country and be someone, that's all.

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It sounds like it'd be better for him if he went back to his country, and it'd be better for you to stay in your country, seeing as you really don't want to go over there. I don't think it works to try and talk anyone into something. because deep down, they know what they can handle or not handle, even though might not be able to really communicate the reasons. Nobody really wants to be poor, especially after struggling for a better life, as you each have done. Its understandable on both sides. 22 is also very young to commit to going to a strange country,which you are not keen on, and be dependent on him and his 'mean' family. Maybe settle for nice memories of what you had. If circumstances had been different, your love could have been fulfilled.

all the best

offplanet

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Thank you for your reply...I also think it is best if he just goes...I'm 22 and some friends tell me I'm old enough to follow him...but I just can't. Also I recently discovered that my mom is having these nervous breakdowns because she think I'm going to run away with my bf...but of course I won't! I also believe that I'm very young for marriage and stuff. the thing is that the pain is just unbearable. I've been crying since he gave me the bad news, and I can't sleep at night. I don't want to cry but for some reason the tears just come out on their own. I can't help it. i have never felt this sad and miserable before. I thought that maybe we could be together until I graduate, so i can go to his country and have a career so I wouldn't depend on him, but that would probably take 2 or 3 more years. I don't think I can survive that long.

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Well,follow your heart.I know sometimes love is not enough to keep a relationship together,and i did experienced it as an immigrant.However in life we have to make choices and live with those choices.If you do really love him,be with him,stay withhim,but if you cannot make those sacrifices may be you should let him go,and if its meant to be it will be ,but if not at least you can say you tried...

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