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can you be too stressed for a relationship?


charlotte_skye

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Hi,

 

I was wondering can someone, even though they love you, be too stressed for a relationship. They are really struggling, having panik attacks and everything. on anti depressants etc.

can they not be willing to cmmit to a relationship with you because their too stressed even though they love you. He said its the darkest time hes gone thru

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Yes, I believe so.

Sounds like we are in similar situations.

My OH has some deep seated emotional issues along a fairly nasty dose of depression. We have recently decided (his decision more than mine...but I do agree with him) to spend a little time apart. The reason being that he feels he is not able to give himself fully to our relationship until he has sorted out his emotional problems.

However, he says that he loves me very much and believes in our future together. He says that I'm the only person he has been with whom he sees himself marrying and having children with.

He has told me not to worry and that his only aim in doing this is to sort himself out so that we can have a full and proper relationship in the future, and I do believe him when he says this.

Having said that, I of course, have moments of doubt and find it difficult being apart from him. But I do believe him.

So yes, I really do think that someone can be too stressed for a relationship and yet still love you very, very much.

If it would help to get things off your chest a bit, I'd be interested to hear more about your own situation?

 

Big hug x

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Oh yes, meant to say also that maybe by not commiting to you until he's fully able to do so that he's actually showing you a amount huge care and love.

If he tried to commit to you when he's emotionally not able to, it would probably only cause you both a good deal more heartache and difficulties and therefore may possible may not work out for the best in the end.

Is it possible that he cares for you so much that he doesn't want that for the two of you and wants only give you the best of him, and thus give any future reltionship with you the best possible start?

I know it's very hard though....I'm right in the middle of it myself...

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Definitely, and a situation like that really sucks for both of you. I was right in the same situation as this guy you're talking about and though I met this amazing person - with whom I shared the deepest connection ever - I wasn't in the condition to start any kind of a relationship because I was struggling with some major issues in my life at that time.

 

Is it possible that he cares for you so much that he doesn't want that for the two of you and wants only give you the best of him, and thus give any future reltionship with you the best possible start?

 

I agree. I felt like because I had trouble trying to keep it all together myself I didn't want anyone (especially someone I deeply cared about) get stuck in that mess I struggled with. For me pushing him away was pretty much wanting to protect him from the hurt I thought I would bring because I didn't have the strenght to give my very best to him. Sometimes you just need time to get yourself together - no matter how much you love the other person.

 

Give him time to get better and try to be patient. All the best

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If he does not feel mentally capable of handling a relationship, then yes to your question.

 

My bf has depression, panic attack issues which made the beginning of our relationship very hard as he had lots of doubts and was overly sensitive/argumentative. But the thing is, he always tried - communication, individual therapy, taking meds. He's recovering and I am soo grateful I stuck with it, but honestly, you can only go through that for so long. If he wants to be with you, he'll do what he needs to do. If that doesn't help sufficiently, then it's best to let it go.

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Thanks for all your posts, guys. I kinda think you can be too stressed, its just sometimes when its so hard, you cant help but maybe doubt.

 

Im just scared of loosin him is all.

 

As for the last post: he has MAJOR issues opening up, i suppose for oms eguys its easy, like my ex, he was always able to communicate openly but this current guy finds it incredibly hard. He tries his best but it just confuses me more.

 

The problem is also, I havent been that helpful. I have been demanding a bit from him, and this has made it so much worse. Because he cant open up as much as I need him to (im a girl, i need things explained in depth) i get stressed and then demand too much. its all very complicated.

 

In hindsight I see how much i havent been there for him but more worried about me loosing him. That hasnt been fair.

 

He said he is needing someone to help him thru it and he feels like hes been kinda tryin to help me through my insecurities instead. man do i feel stupid.

 

so I guess my advice to you moonboots is, be there for him, he needs you, put what you need aside and do what you can to support him, even if it doesnt turn out in the end or you have doubts, just be there and in the end you will know and you would have done your best.

 

so I guess you can be too stressed but i suppose it also depends on the situation as to whether or not they TRY really hard to still be with you. It takes two to do that and I suppose I havent been very easy to do that with.

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Ah...Thanks for your input Kaolla_girl...that's good to hear!

I hope you don't mind me asking (you don't have to answer, of course!) but how are you doing now? Do intend to be with this chap that you cared about so much at some point still? Perhaps you already are?

 

Of course I'd be happy to answer sorry for the late reply though.

 

So the story with me ended sadly - but not as bad as it would've if I hadn't pushed him away. When he brought up that he was madly in love with me he had already made a painful decision to stay away from me. The thing is, while we were hanging out, going to movies, coffee, out to eat and all that stuff, I had mentioned more than once (while we were talking about relationships) that I wasn't ready for any kind of a commitment at that point of my life. So every time I said it was like a cold slap to his face - and of course I didn't even know it because I didn't know he had as deep feelings for me as he had.

 

So one night he opened up about this and I basically just stood there like a zombie while he did all the talk. He obviously had been thinking about this quite a lot because he was very accurate in his speech. He pretty much put it as he's never been in love before and he's never been more afraid to have emotions he can't control, said I'm everything he'd ever want in a girl.. BUT because he knows I'm not looking for a relationship he can't be near me without feeling his heart will be ripped from his chest. (Oh and let me say, no man has ever cried or been so openly vulnerable in front of me I was shocked by his courage! which I let him know.) He said the best thing he can do is stay away from me.

 

And that was that. Man did that suck - it still sucks! I used to feel so mad at myself for not being at the state of getting into a relationship with him because it would've been amazing to jump into his arms and say 'I love you too, let's be happy together'. But one thing I've learned about feelings in general is you gotta pay attention to them because even when you don't understand the message they're sending to you, they're sending it to you for a good reason! So the most stupid thing I could've done in that situation is just to go into that relationship and try to push all my problems aside for him but that would've only ended in he being even more in love with me (meaning even more pain for him when we'd part) and me being even more guilty for hurting him and hating myself even more. Not good.

 

I told him before we parted and hugged for the last time that whenever he feels he might be in the condition to get in touch with me again (be it a week, month, or a year) I'll be a phone call away. It's been nine months now and I haven't heard anything. I hope he's doing alright but I want to respect his decision so I won't call him myself. I'd love to include him into my life but it's really all up to him. We'll see what the future brings but yeah, it sucks. I lost one of my absolute best friends - never shared a connection like that with a guy. I'm doing a lot better now but I'm not sure if I'm still as balanced as I'd like to be to start a real relationship. Time does do wonders!

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Too Blessed to Be Stressed
Too Blessed to Be Stressed

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