Not ready for a rebound?

[jakestryder]

Hey all

So I've been broken up now for almost 2 months. I haven't done anything physical with anyone until just yesterday. I brought a girl back to my house and we started making out on the bed. Things started getting hotter than that, and all of a sudden I just overthought everything and realized I wasn't ready. I stopped. She said it was incredibly awkward, and I think she may even be a bit annoyed at me. I feel embarrassed and ridiculous.

 

Anyone else ever been through anything like this? Maybe I'm just a bit too wholesome? I've never really done the "random hookup" thing and thought maybe it would help--but I think it made things worse. Advice please..

[faithful14]

Don't feel bad. If you're not ready then you're not. Or maybe the "random hookups" is not your kind of thing. Either way, never do something your not comfortable with.

[emj27]

Hey all

So I've been broken up now for almost 2 months. I haven't done anything physical with anyone until just yesterday. I brought a girl back to my house and we started making out on the bed. Things started getting hotter than that, and all of a sudden I just overthought everything and realized I wasn't ready. I stopped. She said it was incredibly awkward, and I think she may even be a bit annoyed at me. I feel embarrassed and ridiculous.

 

Anyone else ever been through anything like this? Maybe I'm just a bit too wholesome? I've never really done the "random hookup" thing and thought maybe it would help--but I think it made things worse. Advice please..

 

I know where you're coming from. It's been nearly 2 months for me as well, and a week and a half ago I went on a date. We ended up back at his place making out on the couch. It didn't go any further than that, even though I wanted it to, because we'd both discussed about how I wasn't ready yet after my break-up etc etc.

 

Now this guy wants to see me again etc and I know if I do, it will lead to sex. I've never done the 'random hookup' thing either - only ever slept with people I've loved.

 

On the other hand, I have an overwhelming desire to do it so I can almost wash the taste of my ex from my mouth?! NOT literally lol, but do you know what I mean? Just do it with someone else and create a new memory so that the last time wasn't with him.

 

Why is it all so hard?!?!

 

I agree with a previous poster, just don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with. To a lot of people (me included) sex is about intimacy, emotions, caring for each other etc - maybe some people can just do random sex for sex's sake, but you need to decide if you're one of those people. You are NOT 'ridculous' or 'too wholesome'. It's also not fair on the girl if you end up having sex for the wrong reasons. Either, it will just be sort of another step in your recovery, in which case you will have been using her, or you will get too attached, because sex means something to you, nad it will be a definite rebound thing and both of you will end up getting hurt.

 

Wow, maybe I should listen to my own advice...

 

Good luck with everything.

[twiceinoneyear]

If you're not ready, you're not ready. There's no rule that says you have to rebound, no timeline for recovery and no standard mold you have to fit in to.

 

I can understand you being embarrassed. Just apologize to her for the awkwardness of the situation, but never apologize for your feelings.

 

Good luck & stay strong!