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anger,depression or both?


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hey everyone this is my first post, as a new member i found the site by accident while doing a search on anger managment. forgive me if this forum and or web site dosnt condone my situation but im hoping there is some feed back here.

i have always been a hot head but always justified it b/c of the ''injustice'' i felt i was always a victim to. last year i met a girl whom i do bellieve is the right one. so much so, that for the first time in my life realise i actualy have a problem with my anger rather than puting it off on other people. my anger is ALWAYS triggered by not being taken seriously or from a feeling that no one understands just how i feel. the on going necesity to explane my self in vein is painfuly angering to me. i grew up raised by italian grandparents and was never ever taken seriously with my ideas projects or efforts, i have a serious fobia of it now. my gf is a foriegner her self which contributes to the communication difficulty.


all the techniques i read are simply not enough. a psychologist would be preferred but a last resort b/c i dont have medical insurance. im handcuffed by my anger at times and i feel as tho i could loose someone really important in my life if i dont learn to coap, or change or something, does anyone have other ideas

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Ok ok, i get where you coming from. Anger managment works as following , the first question one should ask themselves is, what benefit does anger give me? None, so why would you waste energy on getting angry? It doesn't resolve to anything nor does it solve any problem, the trick is to redirect that negative energy and do something positive with it.


You have an excess of negative energy, why don't you use it go jogging,or train at the gym? That way you'll exercise your body and you'll actually benefit from it, you can also build something, or even express it in art. What it comes down to is that you need to consider yourself as a kettle that needs to blow off steam, if you can't blow off your steam then you explode just like you did in the past, so try to blow off steam doing positive things by knowing that anger is useless, that way you'll become less eager to use it.


Second: Understanding. The problem is that you feel that no one understands you, the good part is, yes there are people who actually understand you, (like me) but 'and here's the clue' not only do people misunderstand you, you also misunderstand people.


I tell you right here right now that its a BIG mistake to try to find understanding from people who do not understand you, you auto-assumed that people know you, and thats a mistake from your side from the beginning which is understandable but which probably has led to only more anger (yes i know i know)


Regular people don't want to know you, nor understand you. They are too busy with their own lives to keep themselves occupied with you, the difference with the people in this forum is that most people in here are more emotionally receptive , have gone thru a lot and are more likely to understand you in ways you may not even imagine. But it should also be a sign to you that in order for a regular person to understand you, it would take A LOT of explanation from your side, and that is on daily life basis really too much effort to go thru, yet there is hope.


By changing yourself as the person you are you can adapt to the environment by throwing all your negative elements overboard. Realistically the world is not going to adjust to you , and this forces you pretty much to adapt to the world despite the fact that you didn't do anything wrong , which comes down to the conclusion that your misery is generated by the world, so basically its the world that is causing the unbalance in your mind which is creating the problems, so you need to tune into how the world works and how you need to deal with this world without being thrown off balance.


Allright then we can go to the core of your problem of 'not being taken seriously'


I also come from Europe and i understand the problem EXTREMELY well, going back to your Italian grandparents, i need to teach you some European history.


European people are sceptical people, it goes so far overboard to the point where it becomes your 'and mine problem (yes i had to deal with it as well)' that they say "ITS IMPOSSIBLE" to every bloody thing that you try to achieve in your life. My immediate advice: Don't listen to DOOMSAYERS'


I grew up and my father was (besides from being a racist) a DOOMSAYER, don't do this, don't do that, its impossible, you'll never succeed in life, you'll never get a diploma. You'll never get a job etc etc etc.


The problem is, your parents (or in your case your grandparents) Are the rolemodels of your life. You take 100% seriously what they say, and its so much more valuable if they say something then lets say a stranger says something to you right? So how much more does it hurt if your family doesn't take you seriously, how much anger does it generate? You know it generates a lot of anger, and in my case it created a lot of despair in fact i didn't believe in myself for the longest time due to this brainwashing UNTIL:


I started thinking about what a load of B it was. Think about it, if you want a seed to grow so it can become a flower it needs all kinds of ingredients and factors to flourish. It needs water, it needs soil, it needs sunlight. How can the flower ever grow if my father and your grandparents keep stamping like a madman on the floor pushing the seed further in the mud?


Or in other words, in order to achieve 'anything' in life , a positive attitude is required. This positive attitude is the seed for further growth and it must be protected from harmfull intervention so that it may flourish. You are that seed, this is why you need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying you(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins. From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.


Don't open yourself up to bad things or people anymore there is nothing to gain there nor is there anything to gain in becoming angry, or in other words " Negativity leads to nowhere ".


Implement this and change your approuch towards life. You'll see things go a lot better if you use my approuch in your life towards problems like that. But moreover that, understand that you don't need these kind of people in your life, your grandparents might have been that by blood, but they were strangers when it came to giving you a chance in life. Therefore stop relying on others, be your own judge, jury and executor instead of others, it doesn't matter if other people take you serious or not, you are an adult person enough to 'think for yourself' that is much better then instead of letting others lead your life for you, if you do that you just become their emotional soccerball to play with. And because you are your own judge jury and executor you will be just fine taking your own life seriously instead of relying on others. Besides if you are taking your own idea's serious then the likelyhood of other people taking you serious will increase as well. Remember there are people who will take your idea's seriously, and those are the people who you want to talk to, its a sorting task tho to get rid of the people who are like your grandparents and like my dad, but my advice is to keep going for gold in your life don't listen to their negativity and don't let anything(unless its really harmfull or lifethreatening) stop you.

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