What is she thinking?

[guineapig1607306442]

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. Firstly a quick summary of events:

 

*I went out with my girlfriend for just over a year

 

*She broke up with me about 3 months ago (to be single)

 

*She had some regrets shortly after, but when I expressed the same regrets, hers seemed to disappear

 

 

*Since the break-up she has exhibited some jealous behaviour – when I mention other girls (friends) she responds with “Who is she?”, “Do I know her?”, “Do you like her?”

 

 

Now to my current situation: I went overseas for 4 weeks and we chatted occasionally on messenger – we ended up getting into an argument and I told her that maybe we should steer clear of each other for a few months…..she emailed me a week later (lol) and we stayed in contact (I know I shouldn’t have).

Anyway, I arrived back from my trip to find an email from her welcoming me back etc and she proceeded to contact me on 4 of my first 5 days back in the country. Now, I had suspected for a few weeks that she had been seeing someone, so I confronted her with it. She was very coy at first but finally admitted it, I kept my cool (although I was extremely hurt) and asked some questions about him. She went on to say that this guy wasn’t her boyfriend but they were seeing each other, and didn’t exactly describe him in glowing terms – she ended with “It’s not as if he’s the love of my life or anything”. I also found out that she had actually started seeing him before I had gone away. Because I was a bit shocked I said that it was ok because I was going out with a girl later in the week – she asked straight away “Is she after anything serious?”…to which I replied that I wasn’t sure.

The next day, after it had all sunk in, I phoned her and asked her if she was 100% positive that this is what she wanted to which she said yes. I, with my cool hat on again, said that it was probably best if I stepped out of her life for a couple of months (I meant forever but it hurt too much to say)– she (quick as a flash) responded “Oh, it doesn’t have to be that long….maybe a month”.

 

That was the last time I spoke to her (just over a week ago)

 

Now I just want to know exactly what is going on in her head!!

 

Why, if she has a new guy, would she still be contacting me (a lot!!)?

 

Why would she put the new guy down?

 

Why does she care if I start seeing someone seriously?

 

Why was she so keen to cut 2 months down to 1 month without contact? (can I just say that I have no intention of contacting her)

 

I realise that this guy is more than likely just a rebound thing, and she is possibly trying to use me as a safety net (something I refuse to be used as), but is there any chance that she is genuinely confused?

 

I really don’t know what to do if/when (when, knowing her) she contacts me – should I meet up with her? Or should I ask if she is still seeing someone and refuse to see her if she is?

 

I have actually lost about 30lbs since she last saw me and I must say (modestly) that I am looking A LOT better than what I was when I was with her – should I meet up with her just to show her what she is missing out on?

 

Any advice or shared experience would be greatly appreciated!!!!

[bleeder]

Hi GuineaPig,

 

I don't think she's worth your time dude. Time to move on.

 

If she was sincere in getting back with you, she should have ended the relationship with this guy prior to that. It does not matter if he was the love of her life, he's still a guy.

 

I am sorry if I am quite harsh with my words, but I measure relationships with pretty strict rules. Concentrate on rebuilding your life again. Cheers!

[Gilgamesh]

She puts the other guy down when shes talking with you, what do you think she tells the other guy? she doesnt want to loose you "just in case" dude, your not seconds, get a girl that will make you the one and only, and make her feel that way too.

[chew77]

hey man i know what you're going through, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me because she said that she "needed time to figure out what she wants" and just have fun with her friends, well about 2 weeks after the break , she started dating this other guy who treats her like shit, but she still called me all the time putting thoughts in my head that me and her were going to get back together, but nothing ever came of it , so i told her that it would be best if we didnt talk for a while and she said that she didnt want it to be that way, but if thats what i want then ok, then she calls me the next day. then just last week (wednesday) we got into a fight over her new boyfriend on the phone and she said that we shouldnt talk for awhile and she ended up calling me lastnight just because she thought i passed her on the road, doesnt make any sense. Shes doing the same thing your ex is doing , she gets all concerned if I talk about another girl or something, and its like how can she even get upset about another girl after what she did to me. Girls are messed up, she dated dicks all her life , then she dated me who treated her like a queen , but now she went back the same old bullshit , doesnt make any sense.

[sergio]

The same thing all over again eh? some things don't change, one of these is human nature. I passed through exactly the same things as you guys, and i guess the problem is basically the same. When u date an insecure grl and she dumps you you always get this strange phenomenon. some call it conflicting signals, others call it part if the game of love... i call it selfishness. They want someone new, challenging, thrilling, yet they don't want to loose their 'nice guy bf' The jerk new bf gets to have all the fun, and you get all those weird, conflicting phonecalls from her late at night. Solution? play it cool, don't give second chances, if she wants them she'll know how to get them from you, and not through useless words, but through action! like dumping the jerk and coming over to you.

[Nico1607306451]

Tell her straight out you're not into playing games and give her an ultimatum: she tells you exactly what's going on in her head or you leave her life for good. She sounds like a spoiled brat who wants to have her cake and eat it too--nobody should feel compelled to jump through hoops for that. Sorry if my words are harsh, but it sounds like you already have a handle on things, the main problem being that SHE keeps contacting you. If it comes down to it, don't take her calls and ignore her emails--you have to get this mess and confusion out of your life for good if you want to move on.

[mike42]

If you read my posts, you'd realize that I'm going through something very similar.

 

The bottom line is this:

 

Girls like that will not realize what they have lost until they have actually lost you. Losing you does not synonymize as "You pretending you don't want to be with her, but deep down inside if she wants you back, you'll take her back."

 

Get on your feet, and start to MOVE ON. If she's playing games with you .. why do you need her in your life? There are so many out there ... even though that's probably hard to see right now.

 

If you took her back, the only thing that would enter her mind deep down inside would be "Ha, all i needed was 1 or 2 months of reconvincing, and I got him back! I'll just do it again, and give him 3 months next time .. "

 

Problem is, you have to be strong, put your foot down, and move on.

 

I thought it was impossible in my case, but I'm doing it ..

 

Be strong, respect yourself, and don't let someone play with the sensitive good-giving heart that you have.

 

Feel free to PM me with any concerns ...

 

- Mike