heartbroken9 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Its been a lil over 6 months for me..I go through the ups and downs. One moment I'm ok, then I get sad, and then I get angry. I dont hope for us to get back together. He hasnt even tried to contact me in over a month. I deleted my facebook so i wouldnt look at his. I deleted his number. I threw out everything he ever gave me. Im doing everything I can to move on but no matter what I do..my thoughts always lead back to him. Its so annoying! I dont want to think of him..and im sick and tired of feeling this way. I just want to forget him. comPLETELY and its just not happening quick enough. I know with time I will be ok..i hope so anyways. But I guess I just want to hear some stories of people healing and being happy again after a break up. I want to hear that someone was able to find happiness again and not because of someone else coming into their life but because they are truly just happy by themselves. I think it will be helpful for all of us who are hurting to hear any of these stories.. Link to comment
iknowhowtolove Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Well i know this lady that was married to her husband for like more then 20years or something and they got separated not to long ago. i mean she must be like 50 years old or something and she is happy. she did love him but the guy is a total jerk that never appreciated her. his my neighbor. she left him and now lives on her own. she has her own apartment,lives with her cat, has a car, a job and is happy. she is happy and she is by herself. so i guess if she can do it then we can too. Link to comment
canali Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 RE: ''I want to hear that someone was able to find happiness again and not because of someone else coming into their life but because they are truly just happy by themselves. I think it will be helpful for all of us who are hurting to hear any of these stories..'' well it's a myth that people are happy just by themselves IMO...don't get me wrong are those who are introverted and even loners and ENJOY their solitude, too..(i go back and forth this way)...I think fundamentally, however, we social creatures and thrive and grow via social stimulation. That said, I ''think'' what you're getting at is being happy without a partner....hey it all depends on how emotionally solid you were BEFORE you had a partner...some people (my ex among them) can't afford to be alone. To some extent this need for social interaction is understandable: it's when you need it TOO much to validate you that you're in trouble. Happiness is all around everyday IF you look for it...even when you're feeling blue you can still find it...(a book I'm enjoying on this is 'the how of happiness'...very well researched, too)... where was happiness for me today? I experienced it when I went for a walk among all the cherry trees here in gorgeous vancouver bc... and was just blown away by the snow like petals falling and creating confetti all over the lawns...all this set against a lovely blue sky with sun... where else? I saw a grandmother with her granddaugher (age 3 or 4) skipping happily at her side and smiled...I let those experiences fill me up inside for a bit...so you have to pay attention...you responded to my other thread...you know what I mean, I'm sure. I'm going to find it, too, in going to yoga...in reading some literature afterwords...in meditating...and in calling my friends. ...it's the simple things by themselves IMO and then their cumulative effects, too....it's being aware and engaging with life accepting what is in front of you not so much is wanting something else. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Whoa we posted at the same time, lately I have been feeling really good about the break up like I'm actually happier that he is gone now. It scares me because I don't know if this is all fake. I think about him still and some things trigger bad feelings but I am more happy than anything right now. Its scary. Link to comment
atelis Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 of course it's possible to be happy again, but you also need to make the effort to live your life to the fullest. you say you have done thing to get over him and erase thoughts of him, but removing him from facebook, deleting his numbers etc is not being proactive. The best way to remove thoughts of him is to re-engage with your life and embrace life again. Travel, do some courses, take up hobbies and interests that get you out of your comfort zone, join social clubs etc. Catch up with family and friends you haven't seen for a while. It alsways takes time, but the longer you leave it to embrace your life again, the longer it will take. be good to yourself and be gentle with yourself and live again Link to comment
purpleJ Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Yeah I'm happy! Happiest I've been in a LONG time! And it wasn't a abusive relationship or anything, we just weren't right for eachother! four years of being on again-off again really wore me out! Last year this time i was in bed crying! I couldnt do anything! I was too depressed to get out of bed! So If I can go from that to where I am now, anyone can do it! But you need to be proactive! Focus on yourself do things you've always wanted to do, enjoy your single time. Think of all the things you could be doing with your life that you can't do when in a relationship. Focus on your friendships! we seem to neglect our friendships when were in relationship. And don't delete your facebook! just delete him from it! Link to comment
waveseer Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I struggled until I got sick of it and then I recovered. Now I am happy and I have someone new to love who treats me very, very well. Link to comment
sillygurl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Oh gosh, I am having the SAME issues.... I go through the ups and downs, and I am so sick and tired of thinking about him. I can't get him off my mind! It's terrible, everything reminds me of him, and I miss him soooo much some days. This helps me some days: You can't stop thinking about them, but you can force your brain to think of something else. Like when I'm thinking about him, and he's very persistent in my brain, I gently remind myself to move to the next topic...and giving yourself permission to think about it (and cry, or throw some thing, or blog or run or whatever will help you get it out) later helps, too. Also, the things that remind me of him- I'm trying to formulate new memories with those same places, objects, whatever. Like I missed cuddling with my ex so much that whenever I felt lonely I pined for him. I hope this doesn't sound totally * * * * ty, but I decided it was better for me to get out there and cuddle (not have sex with) other people when I needed comforting- now my brain is more likely to associate comfort with other people. Hang in there, it will get better. xoxox Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I realized I gave my ex all the love I could give and now I'm giving it to myself. I am so happy that I am doing things for myself now and I am "finding" myself again. I'll always remember him but instead of waking up thinking about what is he doing and how did it go wrong, I think about what I am going to do today and what I want to accomplish. There will be time for dating again but for now its all about me. Life is to short! Link to comment
twiceinoneyear Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I realized I gave my ex all the love I could give and now I'm giving it to myself. I am so happy that I am doing things for myself now and I am "finding" myself again. I'll always remember him but instead of waking up thinking about what is he doing and how did it go wrong, I think about what I am going to do today and what I want to accomplish. There will be time for dating again but for now its all about me. Life is to short! Good for you! I love that - "I gave my ex all the love I could give and now I'm giving it to myself." Link to comment
Irishfan Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Everything is going good right now. Been broken up for about 3+ months. In that time I've lost 45 lbs. Gotten lasik, been taking better care of myself. Going out with friends and working on issues I know that I have. The main thing to get back is your self-confidence. After that things start coming into focus on their own. Still think of the ex but more like a friend. Link to comment
heartbroken9 Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 Thanks for all the responses. It helps to know people have gotten through this and gotten better. It helps me keep my faith and stay positive. Im gonna try my best to concentrate on myself and I hope I dont do anything stupid and try to contact him. I was happily single before him and i didnt need a guy to make me happy and I wanna be that person again. Spend more time with my family and friends and the people who actually treat me right. Thanks again everyone! xo Link to comment
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