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Should I try to lose a friend?


hei

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I bet none of you knows why I signed up here in the first place, so I'm gonna give you the short version.

 

I'm 23, she's 25. There was this girl in my class (adult education math class) I had a small crush on pre-christmas last year. I asked her out, and she shot me down in a gentle way. If all options had been available, I'd probably just dump her altogether, but since we'd have to be in the same class as eachother (and probably sit next to eachother) for another 5 months, I figured things would be easier if we just stayed friends. Since then we've actually become very good friends. Brief history without too much details.

 

Our friendship is of such "quality" now that it would be only natural for us to continue staying pretty close friends after our course ends (ends one of the last few days of april). We have gone out for food and had general fun outside of school a couple of times, but she is incredibly busy, so there's really not too much time we spend together outside of school though, for obvious reasons.

 

I no longer want to date her, and if she were to ask, I'd decline. I am not completely over her though, in the sense that it would hurt me to see her with someone else.

 

This may very well not have anything to do with it, but it's the only thing I can think of that might be worth mentioning. We used to study together in our speartime, finding a couple of days here and there. The last couple of times though we've agreed on a day(s), only for her to ditch our plans, and go do something else.

 

I know this sounds bit rough, and that is not my intentions, just lack of english-skills causing it. Her reasons for doing so seemed perfectly valid to me, and if they were infact not true, they far and away surpasses my lie-detector. The only thing that makes me say this though is our "history", where one could feel slightly uncomfortable in a friendship, and this might be a way of trying to end it/"dump me" as a friend now that our course is coming towards an end. Keep in mind, this was just a wild thought that went through my mind, and I don't think one should put too much weight in it.

 

As usual, lots of unnecesary details for sure, and I'm betting a finger and a half on it also containing it's fair share of typos. Please overlook it all, and pull out the important info from all this

 

What should I do, and how to do it? Never been in such a situation before.

 

Thank you for reading!

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I bet none of you knows why I signed up here in the first place, so I'm gonna give you the short version.

 

I'm 23, she's 25. There was this girl in my class (adult education math class) I had a small crush on pre-christmas last year. I asked her out, and she shot me down in a gentle way. If all options had been available, I'd probably just dump her altogether, but since we'd have to be in the same class as eachother (and probably sit next to eachother) for another 5 months, I figured things would be easier if we just stayed friends. Since then we've actually become very good friends. Brief history without too much details.

 

Our friendship is of such "quality" now that it would be only natural for us to continue staying pretty close friends after our course ends (ends one of the last few days of april). We have gone out for food and had general fun outside of school a couple of times, but she is incredibly busy, so there's really not too much time we spend together outside of school though, for obvious reasons.

 

I no longer want to date her, and if she were to ask, I'd decline. I am not completely over her though, in the sense that it would hurt me to see her with someone else.

 

This may very well not have anything to do with it, but it's the only thing I can think of that might be worth mentioning. We used to study together in our speartime, finding a couple of days here and there. The last couple of times though we've agreed on a day(s), only for her to ditch our plans, and go do something else.

 

I know this sounds bit rough, and that is not my intentions, just lack of english-skills causing it. Her reasons for doing so seemed perfectly valid to me, and if they were infact not true, they far and away surpasses my lie-detector. The only thing that makes me say this though is our "history", where one could feel slightly uncomfortable in a friendship, and this might be a way of trying to end it/"dump me" as a friend now that our course is coming towards an end. Keep in mind, this was just a wild thought that went through my mind, and I don't think one should put too much weight in it.

 

As usual, lots of unnecesary details for sure, and I'm betting a finger and a half on it also containing it's fair share of typos. Please overlook it all, and pull out the important info from all this

 

What should I do, and how to do it? Never been in such a situation before.

 

Thank you for reading!

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"My god, it's like you've known me my entire life!"

 

I'm always overthinking. At first I thought it was a good thing.. With a little more experience, turns out to be one of my major flaws.

 

So how should I do this then? Should I just walk off with a quick goodbye as I usually do after our last class? Should I give her a good hug saying goodbye and good luck on the exam and such and such? Should I do something else? I'm not any good at ending things I don't actually want to end, even if it's for the better..

 

Lets fast forward to the point in life where I am completely over her, and would be nothing but happy to hear she's found someone. Would it be weird to try and become friends again? Will I possibly end up doing myself harm by risking a flashback of old feelings? Or is my only reasonable option to call it quits, and leave?

 

Normally (well there's no normally, I've never been in this situation before), I'd just get out and stay out of her life, hoping she'd do the same. But this girl is an amazing friend I really do like being with. It's like I could probably easily just walk off from half of my friends if I were to say go abroad for 5 years time. Upon my return, I would probably not do all that much in an attempt to re-establish lost connections with these friends. The other half though are very good friends who I'd do anything for, and who've really made themselves worth my time, a friendship I so not want to lose.

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  • 2 weeks later...

She told me she'd stay home today (last day) being sick. Made me a little sad I wouldn't get the chance to say goodbye. I decided to send her a text instead of calling, incase she was trying to sleep off the worst of illness. Basically thanking her for everything she's done for me and such, but that we should keep the contact to ~zero for a good while. I feel horrible and miss her so much already.. but venting does make one feel better at times..

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Let's face it buddy you're obsessed with this "friend" but you're too scare to fully admit it.

In 6 months, this girl will be out of your life. She rejected you once she will reject you again so don't bother sending those wussy text messages again. She can see thru all your intention. Your only option is to keep her number and call once every 3 months and hope that she reconsider you during some of her lonely moments.

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