Been together for five months. Question about our first time. I'm a virgin, she isn't.

[Sam _]

My gf and I have been dating since January of this year and we haven't had sex yet. We are planning on moving in to an apartment together, we both have very well paying jobs and already found a good place for a very decent amount that will be up for grabs come the beginning of May. We both origionally agreed that we won't have sex until six months but now we are planning not to have sex until we have our own place together, which will be in either May or June.

 

I'm a virgin, she knows and is completely fine with it. She has only had sex with two guys before me. The first guy she only slept with once and the other guy she slept with about a handful of times at most. She also told me that she they weren't good at all and that she had faked it. I specifically asked her not to fake it with me but to stop me and let me know so we can try something else that might work and that I want completely open communication and her to enjoy it rather than wind up with unsatisfying sex every time. She said she will be honest and will be completely open with me instead of fake. She says she used a condom every time but she is going to start using the pill when we move in together.

 

I want to know what things I or we can do that will get her stimulated and what I or we can do to actually get her to orgasm. Because she really doesn't know exactly so what would you all suggest we should try for the best results? She doesn't want to do anal which I'm fine with, but we're open to trying everything else.

 

I'm not nervous at all about my first time, I'm actually rather confident that I may be able to please her. I just want to know what things can probably get the best results for both of us. My mind is in the right place, but I want to have everything else in the right place as well lol.

 

Advice and suggestions for me specifically? And maybe some advice and suggestions for both of us?

[Catdancer]

Trial, error and humor. See what works and dont be all serious about sex. Sex should be fun and exciting. When you're thrusting and slip out, say Oops and put it back in. Dont be afraid to laugh at yourself.

 

As for pleasing her. definitely go for oral. Relax, take your time and have her tell you what feels good. She can say harder, more to the left, or whatever. This is the best part of sex with someone new for me...playing and learning each other's bodies. Just enjoy yourselves!!

[Cognitive_Canine]

The weird thing about turnons is sometimes you get turned on by something for one night and it just seems to push all your buttons and then it never has the same affect on you again. Not only is everyone completely different but we don't even know what makes us tick exactly. The best thing to do is live in the moment. Pay attention to her responses and keep on doing things when the response is good. After a while, switch it up completely to something new and see what stimulase that gives off. It'll keep things exciting and help you catch her off her guard.

 

Have fun. Experiment. Talk. and you'll be fine. Don't put pressure on yourself. It really is one of those things that you learn something new every time. If you aren't constantly learning, it's probably getting routine like and not very good. So, in a lot of ways, not knowing what to do gives you an advantage. You're both kind of going in blind and you might surprise each other (in a good way).

[thejigsup]

I have only made love to one virgin male. I'm sorry to say, it was not pleasant. First rule, don't slobber when you kiss her, show a little bit of skill! Second, don't put all your weight on her, that is NOT comfortable! Third, don't end it too quickly, she will not be pleasured. Four, don't ask her every thirty seconds "I am doing okay?' ANNOYING! Rule #1: Please her! Ask her how this can best be done. If you ask her, she will love you for it and you guys will have fun!

[Mia_of_Doom]

Open communication is good. Don't be afraid to talk to each other when messing around. Ask what she likes and what feels good. Pay attention to her reactions.

 

However I would advise not moving in together and THEN having sex. Have sex for a while, and if all is well, then move in together. You just don't know if you'll be compatible in the bedroom, how you feel sleeping next to each other, or just smaller bedroom habits that may annoy you. Know what these things are before you make a commitment to live together.

[Sam _]

First rule, don't slobber when you kiss her, show a little bit of skill!

lol, I don't slobber. I know that when making out that you're supposed to caress and massage the girl's tongue, not ram your tongue into her throat and leave a pool in her mouth lol.

Second, don't put all your weight on her, that is NOT comfortable!

Yeah, I know. Its not comfortable for her and that just shows laziness to me lmao.

Third, don't end it too quickly, she will not be pleasured.

Anyone have any tips for not ending too soon? I know that getting TOO turned on can cause this. I've heard that worrying and trying too hard during sex can also cause it.

Four, don't ask her every thirty seconds "I am doing okay?' ANNOYING!

Yeah, I'm the type not to worry too much. I'm a very calm and relaxed person.

Rule #1: Please her! Ask her how this can best be done. If you ask her, she will love you for it and you guys will have fun!

Thats what I want to do ^_^ Question: If I'm fingering her, does the same apply here? Ask her to help me out so I know what to do next time?

 

However I would advise not moving in together and THEN having sex. Have sex for a while, and if all is well, then move in together. You just don't know if you'll be compatible in the bedroom, how you feel sleeping next to each other, or just smaller bedroom habits that may annoy you. Know what these things are before you make a commitment to live together.

I said it was our first time having sex, never said it was the first time we've slept next to each other lol. I've stayed the night over at her apartment (she lives with her best friend and her best friends fiance) plenty of times to know her bedroom habits and what its like sleeping next to her. I've stayed over at her apartment for about a week a couple times.

[Sam _]

First rule, don't slobber when you kiss her, show a little bit of skill!

lol, I don't slobber. I know that when making out that you're supposed to caress and massage the girl's tongue, not ram your tongue into her throat and leave a pool in her mouth lol.

Second, don't put all your weight on her, that is NOT comfortable!

Yeah, I know. Its not comfortable for her and that just shows laziness to me lmao.

Third, don't end it too quickly, she will not be pleasured.

Anyone have any tips for not ending too soon? I know that getting TOO turned on can cause this. I've heard that worrying and trying too hard during sex can also cause it.

Four, don't ask her every thirty seconds "I am doing okay?' ANNOYING!

Yeah, I'm the type not to worry too much. I'm a very calm and relaxed person.

Rule #1: Please her! Ask her how this can best be done. If you ask her, she will love you for it and you guys will have fun!

Thats what I want to do ^_^ Question: If I'm fingering her, does the same apply here? Ask her to help me out so I know what to do next time?

 

However I would advise not moving in together and THEN having sex. Have sex for a while, and if all is well, then move in together. You just don't know if you'll be compatible in the bedroom, how you feel sleeping next to each other, or just smaller bedroom habits that may annoy you. Know what these things are before you make a commitment to live together.

I said it was our first time having sex, never said it was the first time we've slept next to each other lol. I've stayed the night over at her apartment (she lives with her best friend and her best friends fiance) plenty of times to know her bedroom habits and what its like sleeping next to her. I've stayed over at her apartment for about a week a couple times.

[alli]

She probably won't come the first time you are together, so don't be disappointed when it doesn't happen. You may not either, as you will probably be nervous & wondering if you are "doing it right". So the first time, try to make the focus on being together & enjoying the experience rather than trying to make anyone orgasm.

 

Also, a lot of women just can't come during sex. A lot. That is about her own body & physiology, not you, so don't blame yourself. She couldn't come with the first 2 guys, either. And for some people, it takes a while to learn to enjoy sex. She hasn't done it that much, so she might not even like it with you in the beginning for a while. She might learn what works for her to reach an orgasm by using a vibrator, which would help her to get there when she is with you.

 

For most women, having the female on top is the only way they can come, so you could try that way. Plenty of time to practice!

 

Finally, you can try to delay yourself by thinking of other things, like football or your grandma. Not sure exactly how most guys delay it; I think it takes a while to learn to control it.

[alli]

She probably won't come the first time you are together, so don't be disappointed when it doesn't happen. You may not either, as you will probably be nervous & wondering if you are "doing it right". So the first time, try to make the focus on being together & enjoying the experience rather than trying to make anyone orgasm.

 

Also, a lot of women just can't come during sex. A lot. That is about her own body & physiology, not you, so don't blame yourself. She couldn't come with the first 2 guys, either. And for some people, it takes a while to learn to enjoy sex. She hasn't done it that much, so she might not even like it with you in the beginning for a while. She might learn what works for her to reach an orgasm by using a vibrator, which would help her to get there when she is with you.

 

For most women, having the female on top is the only way they can come, so you could try that way. Plenty of time to practice!

 

Finally, you can try to delay yourself by thinking of other things, like football or your grandma. Not sure exactly how most guys delay it; I think it takes a while to learn to control it.

[jonny15]

Third, don't end it too quickly, she will not be pleasured.

 

I don't think he should have to hold back his first time.

 

Shouldn't a person be allowed to do their thing the first time?

 

Espically a guy since he isn't gonna be in pain.

[jonny15]

Third, don't end it too quickly, she will not be pleasured.

 

I don't think he should have to hold back his first time.

 

Shouldn't a person be allowed to do their thing the first time?

 

Espically a guy since he isn't gonna be in pain.

[alli]

I don't think he should have to hold back his first time.

 

Shouldn't a person be allowed to do their thing the first time?

 

Espically a guy since he isn't gonna be in pain.

 

 

Yeah, but I'm sure he'd also like his first time to last longer than a couple minutes!

[alli]

I don't think he should have to hold back his first time.

 

Shouldn't a person be allowed to do their thing the first time?

 

Espically a guy since he isn't gonna be in pain.

 

 

Yeah, but I'm sure he'd also like his first time to last longer than a couple minutes!

[jonny15]

Yeah, but I'm sure he'd also like his first time to last longer than a couple minutes!

 

Yea.....but it usually end's quick the first time for guys tho.

 

That seems to be how it happens.

[jonny15]

Yeah, but I'm sure he'd also like his first time to last longer than a couple minutes!

 

Yea.....but it usually end's quick the first time for guys tho.

 

That seems to be how it happens.

[Sam _]

What both of you are saying is true. As alli said, I would like my first time to last more than a couple minutes and I have heard a lot of what jonny15 said about the first time usually only lasting a couple minutes. The thing is, I LOVE foreplay and doing stuff to please her so that is fun for me.

 

I already told her the fact that guys usually finish early the first time and she says that she didn't know that and understands that its the case since it is basically a new feeling the body is experiencing.

 

Neither of us want the basic missionary/cowgirl stuff for our first time. We want to try the fun stuff lol so I'm basically asking for tips there

[Sam _]

What both of you are saying is true. As alli said, I would like my first time to last more than a couple minutes and I have heard a lot of what jonny15 said about the first time usually only lasting a couple minutes. The thing is, I LOVE foreplay and doing stuff to please her so that is fun for me.

 

I already told her the fact that guys usually finish early the first time and she says that she didn't know that and understands that its the case since it is basically a new feeling the body is experiencing.

 

Neither of us want the basic missionary/cowgirl stuff for our first time. We want to try the fun stuff lol so I'm basically asking for tips there

[Cardinal]

If your primary goal is to make sure that it lasts long enough to be enjoyable, figure out how many orgasms you can have in a day comfortably by yourself. Have at least a couple of those before you have sex the first time. It will calm you down and allow you to enjoy the moment more. Leave enough time between your last orgasm and the actual sex so that you can get and maintain an erection. I find that I do well if I have two orgasms, then wait about 6 hours give or take. Some guys will be able to get it back up in about a half hour every time. Test this out ahead of time. If you are still able to get yourself off in a minute or two, you may not be empty enough and probably won't last long inside her either. You won't feel as much wearing a condom, but you might last a bit longer that way. I don't think you should have to try any mind tricks the first time, especially since you mostly want to let yourself enjoy it. Just make it tougher for your body to ejaculate while making sure you can have a good erection. That is as simple as it gets.

[Sam _]

Sometimes it is one, then I can last a while but it is usually two for me. I know I can get it back up in half and hour or a full hour but she would probably wind up having to be the one to get it up lol. Neither of us want to use a condom. I don't really like masturbation anymore though, I used to do it a lot when I was younger to the point that now its actually gotten to be very unappealing to me.

[Cardinal]

You sound about like me in terms of ability.

 

Your ability to confidently maintain erection will be better the longer you wait, but only up to a point. Past that point, waiting longer won't help you stay harder, but it will end things faster because the tank gets refilled down there. Just like you, I can get hard in a half hour or an hour after orgasm, but she is going to need to do it. In my mind, that means you really haven't waited long enough. Anxiety will kick in and you won't be able to get it up. I think you'd have much better luck if you waited several hours, but probably not more than 6-8. An idea might be to have a couple of orgasms the night before and then plan for intercourse the next morning. You'd be well rested and testosterone levels would be at their highest. You'd probably get some morning wood so the erection would be there anyway. But you'd have a chance at lasting since you emptied the tank earlier. If you don't like getting off on your own, do oral together and have her give you a blowjob. Then do something else together for a several hours, come back and have sex with a condom when you are rested.

 

I love foreplay too. But my suggestion is to do your foreplay earlier. When you have your erection and are ready, go ahead and have intercourse within 10 minutes. Don't wait around with a massive hard on for a half hour. Eventually you will go soft and it is best if you spend that good erection time inside her enjoying it.

[Sam _]

I read that once online that masturbating a lot can get a guy so that his time actually lasts longer the first time. Am I right that this is BS?

 

I know she knows that the first round always lasts a lot less longer than the second round will, especially when it comes to a virgin guy. I know she is the very understanding type and won't hold the time against me since I am a virgin and everything. I actually want to make sure I'm better than her other times. Shes said that her best sex was a 4 on a scale of 1-10.

[Cardinal]

There is no point to trying to make the first time spectacular. It usually is not that great. I would just relax and enjoy it. Consider thinking about how you are doing after a few weeks of consistent good sex, but not right away.

 

And not, it is absolutely not BS. Masturbating a lot will help a guy last longer if he sensible at all. He can learn his body and learn how to control himself. If he constantly tries to get himself off in under a minute, sure that won't help. But almost everything else about it can help.

 

Getting off beforehand is time tested and extremely effective. More orgasm in a given week will help a guy last longer. If he has fewer, he is likely to finish faster. It about recovery.

[alli]

Neither of us want to use a condom.

 

I hope she got a bunch of STD tests after you guys started seeing each other and showed you the results. If not, you could even also get tests done just so that both of you are being safe. You haven't been with this girl long. The relationship may not last but herpes sure will. And chlamydia and gonorrhea, while treatable are not something you want to catch.

 

They do make thin condoms that still protect everyone but allows more sensation.

 

And even if she is clean, she can still get pregnant even if she takes something like the pill. You can miss just one pill and get pregnant. Unless she has an IUD or gets the depo shot, condoms are a really good idea. At least in the beginning of a relationship until you know that it has a good shot of working out into a long-term relationship.

[diabolik]

OP, if you try to absorb all this advice for your first time, you might give yourself ED. :splat: