Do you think her parents are overreacting?

[DaveCummings]

Hey there,

 

Things are going extremely well between the gf and I but something happened last night that really got me angry. Her and I are on our best behaviour in order to keep the peace, so to speak, with her parents. They allow me to stay over when I can get down there and I sleep in a bedroom far away from hers. We try not to be a bother to them and she has chores she is asked to do as well as my hand is lent in pulling my own weight around their house.

 

This weekend was no exception due to the melting of the snow we had there was yard work to do. Friday night was pretty much just her and I eating, watching a movie and then falling asleep to tv a short time later. We went to bed and everything was good. The next morning I got up after her and soon after we went outside to do yard work.

 

Now I'm not one at this point to say much about it because I consider the fact that they let me stay over when they don't have to do that at all and so I happily comply to their demands. It's a big yard so we thought they'd split it up over two weekends plus after being out there for 4 hours I needed to take a break because my back and shoulders were becoming unbearable to deal with.

 

Her step dad comes in and sees us playing cards while eating lunch and throws out the comment "what you're packing it in already? Now I know where we stand." and we just looked at each other like * * * we got to do the back too yet?? So we sat for maybe another 15 minutes until we realized he was in the back yard doing stuff so we immediately went outside. Upon doing so he came by us and said something like "what, is it 5 minutes before (her mom) gets home??"

 

I was flabbergasted and quite at a loss for words. I thought to myself who does he think he is saying that sort of stuff. It was so rude considering that my gf and I did the majority of the front yard before he showed his face and then after he said that he went inside and never came back out until her mom came home and he left soon after she got back. So he left us to do the back yard too. So we pretty much did everything and he got mad at us because we took a much needed break. Apparently that wasn't good enough because he complained to her mom and it came back to us and thus it was soon discovered how mad he was with us over this.

 

I bite my tongue and go well we were out there probably 6.5 hours today and we did the majority of the work. She didn't seem impressed much mainly because you can tell she's getting tired of these talks. As am I. So the next day I spend with her out of the house until I bring her back for when her mom asked me to only to find out after I drop her off that her step dad was fuming mad at her and was bloodshot eyes angry. What for you ask? Because we left two plates, 5 glasses and a bowl downstairs. Also because she was finding something nice to wear that day she had other clothing choices on her bedroom floor and he got up on her for that.

 

Then he told my gf how he wished she'd go back to where she came from and how he didn't want her there anymore. This was it for me. Not only does the step dad never say hi to me or thank me for any work I do around their house or thank me for anything nice that I do for them, but he also has the audacity to tell my gf how he wished she would be gone?? I can't stress how upset I still am over this that I write to you all to help guide me to what to do. I want to chew their heads off for this ridiculousness, but I don'[t want to say something that sets them off either. My gf says I should lay down and just not say anything to them at all. I just feel I can't this time. Not when he loses it like that and hurts her like that. I mean he didn't hit her, but she thought he was going to. I want to exclude them from our life, but maybe I'm being drastic?

 

Any ideas?

[Purusha]

Tough situation to be in - from my own experience it's always best not, repeat NOT! to meddle in your other half's family situation. It will cause resentment and tension and will make the situation worse between your girlfriend and her family and eventually between you two.

This doesn't mean to say that you can't emotionally support your girlfriend, but any action she takes with regards to their behaviour towards her needs to be from her - not as a result of you being hopping mad at them because they're unreasonable.

Are you living there at the moment or just nipping in and out? If you're just there on the odd occasion try and minimise how often you are there and find alternative means to meet up. If you're living there I'd seriously re-evaluate my living situation!!

At the end of the day, you're not a part of the family and it's their hospitality that you're accepting - if they're unreasonable they will use this against you and it will cause you difficulties in your relationship.

Do what you think best in terms of your relationship with them (ie, being honest and open and dealing with them rationally - you'll have to decide whether this can be done whilst living with them...!) and support your girlfriend in hers.

I hope some of this helps - good luck!

[RoxyGril]

Truefully to me it sounds like they are way overracting and that they should be considerate that the both of you are willing to take time out of your day to help in the yard. As for taking a break in between shouldn't be a problem. Do they always treat her as well as you like this? It sounds like a situation I am dealing with my parents but especially my mom though. My mom is a really diffcult person to deal with and she has verbally abused me. She started to push me away because I couldn't take it any longer. She has caused so much pain in my life that it is just so stressful to deal with. My bf hates the way that she treats me cause she just treats me as if I am the 'bad child' while my other sibilings are the good ones...I never recevied any thank yous for what I have done to help out in their house when I lived there or more in like for anything. So, I know it's hard to deal with someone who gets upset over something so small for no particular reason. Something needs to be said to her parents but both you could talk to them and express to them how the both of feel. If nothing is said then they will keep running over you and don't care. For what her step dad said was not acceptable at all he needs to be treating her with respect which he needs to do the same towards you. Does she stand up for herself at all? Has this been going on for quite sometime? I hope you don't mind me asking but how old are the both of you? Maybe it's just time that she needs to move out and start living on her own?

[tulipsfav]

Hi over reacting big time. Your gf step father sounds like a boiler ready to burst! He is treating you and your girlfriend like slaves. Your gf said for you to lay down and not say anything, yeah right lay down and let him walk all over you! It must be awful for your girlfriend to be living under the same roof as this tyrant, but she doesnt want you to say anything because chances are the stepfather will put a stop to you going and staying over in his home.Sounds like this man does not know the meaning of the word RESPECT.