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how to handle tough to read/hesitant/overanalytical women?


goodguy81

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background: broke with my ex fiance of 10 years about almost a year ago..in the mean time i have dated/gone on dates with a few quality girls..a few of them wanted to be with me but something was always lacking

 

as of recent, i met a new girl who i really get along with and am into..

the last couple of weeks, we have beeen hanging out quite a bit (2-3x a week which is alot given our busy schedules).

 

however seems to be a very complicated person..her last relationship was 4 years ago (her only bf who she was with for 6 years)..she seems interested but has been hesitant..it came up in conversation and she said that she admits she has time getting into someone, has not really given many ppl a chance in the past (doesn't know why)..etc..told me she enjoys the time we spend together but i need to patient if I think there is something there

 

she is also a very analytical person who really loves to analyze what I think about things, past experiences, etc

 

how do I play this type of personality if I really like her?

 

also i think im a pretty secure person but i get insecure at times when she doesn't text back, etc..am i wrong in thinking she isnt as into me if she doesnt text back? sorry but I have never been in this situation. do you guys have any advice? I dont want to be too pushy but dont want to be too passive either

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i dont think so..she even asked why she was the one making the plans in the beginning even though I don't think thats true...i only text her after she texts me for the most part, etc...last week, i did mention that i think shes cool and that im into her a little though

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Hi, i understand your insecurity with the whole text message thing. It is a pet hate of mine. Sounds like she is very guarded.As she has only been in one other relationship i think she wants to be 100% sure. Be patient with her, would she ignore your text messages often?

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I don't want to be a downer, but if you are feeling anxious around here and not your usual, confident self, she might not be the one for you.

 

Why is she making you feel insecure?

 

The best matches for relationships are when you feel comfortable, not walking on eggshells, to please a partner, dating or otherwise.

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i dont think so..she even asked why she was the one making the plans in the beginning even though I don't think thats true...i only text her after she texts me for the most part, etc...last week, i did mention that i think shes cool and that im into her a little though

 

This is about as big a no no as ‘no no’s’ go. If you are always waiting for her to text you first, it suggests that you are not that interested; letting her make all the plans suggest apathy and lack of real interest. She is not going to want to feel like she is doing all the chasing. She’s probably a little frustrated with being the one who has to initiate everything. Man up and start hitting her up first, ask her out, plan something fun that you know she would like, pay for it and show her a good time. Dote on her, compliment her and make her feel special and desired. Don’t just sit back and wait on her to do everything.

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I'm going to throw a little theory out there and see if it fits with your experiences ...

 

Were some of the girls that you've dated pretty clearly into you? Did some even pursue you a little? I'm wondering if some of this interest in her is because she's not quite into you. If so, it's normal; it happens.

 

Every woman is different, but it doesn't always work the other way around (in a healthy relationship). Women don't want to have to do all the work - it makes them think ... well if he's not doing the romantic/showing interest things in the beginning, how is it going to be four years down the road. Am I going to 'waste my time again.' You are an investment. She doesn't want to invest her time and emotions if you don't promise some sort of positive return.

 

What makes you different and unique from other guys? What makes this connection special? Pursuit, honest but relaxed and confident communication of interest, and an unwavering interest in getting to know her despite her guardedness are what will most likely help you in the end.

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I generally believe that people need to be patient when dealing with the people that they like. However it concerns me that she is expressly telling you that you need to patient. It seems that you are coming on too strong or that she isnt all that interested in you and is just trying to keep things the way they are. Unless she is giving you clear signals that she wants a relationship then you cannot assume that she does.

 

If I were you, I would pull back from this one because in the very least you two are not compatible in the pace you want things to go.

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I generally believe that people need to be patient when dealing with the people that they like. However it concerns me that she is expressly telling you that you need to patient. It seems that you are coming on too strong or that she isnt all that interested in you and is just trying to keep things the way they are. Unless she is giving you clear signals that she wants a relationship then you cannot assume that she does.

 

If I were you, I would pull back from this one because in the very least you two are not compatible in the pace you want things to go.

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  • 2 weeks later...

here's the latest update...so we've hung out a few times again, the last time being friday..i thought we had fun..went to a comedy club..at times she showed some affection by putting her hand on my leg and or holding my arm, etc..followed by a text saying thank you i had a good time etc..so i thought that was a positive night..on sunday she wanted to see if I wanted to meet up with mutual friends on Saturday

 

over the last few days, she seems to be pulling away a little..for example this week, we havent really been talking whereas before we would shoot each other a few texts a day..havent really made plans to hang out during the week whereas we would before, etc..but also then again its busy season at her job..should i be pulling away a little too to make her think?

 

how should i approach this?

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hung out on friday..yesterday, i asked her if she wanted to catch a movie this week (today)..she said that shes working until late everyday this week because its her busy season but she will let me know for sure about today..havent heard anything regarding that

 

she asked me on sunday to goto a show with her and some mutual friends (a couple) this upcoming saturday

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it sounds like she is actually very busy - but also interested in getting to know you

 

asking to see you a week in advance is a good indicator, it shows she is willing to plan to see you (if she wasn't that into you, she'd be last minute about dates, and not willing to commit to seeing you in advance)

 

is there enough chemistry to keep you interested? do you like her a lot?

 

it may be that you have more free time than she does - but you may find that a lot of women are busy these days

 

do you see her as a catch?

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I wanted to add, text is not reliable. She may not be responding to texts because her phone may be off. Some people turn their cell phones off at work and while at home. She may be calling you once she turns on the phone and sees that she has a text from you. I'd talk with her about this.

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it sounds like she is actually very busy - but also interested in getting to know you

 

asking to see you a week in advance is a good indicator, it shows she is willing to plan to see you (if she wasn't that into you, she'd be last minute about dates, and not willing to commit to seeing you in advance)

 

is there enough chemistry to keep you interested? do you like her a lot?

 

it may be that you have more free time than she does - but you may find that a lot of women are busy these days

 

do you see her as a catch?

 

i definitely feel the chemistry there..from the girls that ive recently dated, shes the only one that gives me that funny feeling in my stomach and makes me actually excited to see her

 

should i wait for her contact me so i dont look like im being too pushy?

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  • 2 weeks later...

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