MrMango Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 My relationship is coming up on about a year. We are both pretty young. Im 22, shes 23. We both work full time jobs, and still are living at home. Its been kind of just "known" that she makes more than me, but neither were never quite sure how much. She assumed it because she said shes paid pretty good, and (im guessing, she hasnt said this) but because of what my job is. And well I assumed it because I see her go on spending binges, and shes always buying clothes, and on a few different occations she'll withdrawl 200 at a time when she stops at the atm. Well while at her house I was sitting on the couch while she went to the bathroom and I was searching for the remote controller on a messy coffee table and stumbled accross her paystub...and well yea not only does she make more than me...its more than double what I make. Im in the lowly 1400 a month range, while shes close to 3000 a month. I dont know why but now I cant stop thinking about it, and its eating me up inside. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 You have a girl with a good job, that's not mooching off you. Be happy. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I dont see why it bothers you... consider yourself lucky that she is not dating you for money... who cares who makes more.. it would never bother me... Link to comment
alli Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 That's probably why she never told you exactly how much she makes. You should try to be happy for her that she is not financially destitute. Would you rather date someone who makes almost no money, can barely afford to live & is in a ton of debt? That's a lot of stress on someone. You've been together for a year; do you see a future with her? It would be a good thing in the future if your spouse does well and you are not shouldering all of the bills on your small income. It might take some time to get used to what you now know. Try not to make it a bad thing. Link to comment
MrMango Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 You have a girl with a good job, that's not mooching off you. Be happy. Its not about wanting that, but more about my inner issues, I think. I dont feel mad or upset that she makes that much, but more that now Id almost feel embarassed to tell her how much I make now if she ever 'seriously' wanted to know. Link to comment
alli Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Its not about wanting that, but more about my inner issues, I think. I dont feel mad or upset that she makes that much, but more that now Id almost feel embarassed to tell her how much I make now if she ever 'seriously' wanted to know. She probably already has an idea of how much you make, and she's still with you. Don't worry about it too much! Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Its not about wanting that, but more about my inner issues, I think. I dont feel mad or upset that she makes that much, but more that now Id almost feel embarassed to tell her how much I make now if she ever 'seriously' wanted to know. Well, she probably knows you make significantly less than her, and it doesn't bother her. I wouldn't be embarrassed. Are you jealous? Are you doing anything to improve your career prospects so that you will make more money in the future? Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Its not about wanting that, but more about my inner issues, I think. I dont feel mad or upset that she makes that much, but more that now Id almost feel embarassed to tell her how much I make now if she ever 'seriously' wanted to know. I get what your saying.. maybe that feeling will give you the drive to do better... how much money you have or make shouldnt determine how you feel or act... i make $40-60k a month... and i dont feel any more or less confident.. then when i was making 200 a week... Link to comment
DropToZero Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Really? get over it... I'd stop worrying so much about how much she's making, and if you two were smart since you both have FT jobs and still live at home, you'd make a budget, control yourselves and your money, stop spending all your money, and you'd probably be able to put a nice size down payment on a home within a year or so. Money would be a sad thing to be upset over, I'd be so glad if my g/f brought in more, I have a PT job... but since it's so good I still bring in more than her FT job, I hate that... she works her butt off for people and someone that works half the amount of hours brings in more... bleh, get over it, be glad for her, not upset because you're not making as much as her. You're on a team, you're not competing. p.s. I'm being completely serious about your/her spending habits, I hope your saving a lot of money living at home, because if I still lived at home and my g/f did, I'd take full frickin advantage of that. If I were your parent and saw you two making that much, I'd kick you out. Link to comment
girl68 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 You probably want to be "the man" and take care of her and assume the role of bread winner. Well guess what she wants that position as well. As of now, she has it. So you either work on yourself and accept this. She's with you regardless, she has no problems with you making minimal money and she has no problems being the "breadwinner" either. That or you leave her becuase she makes more money. The latter option seems silly! Link to comment
Ac143 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 There was a time when I was making more then my SO, it was the first year of our relationship. Then he caught up to me & now Im making more then I was the first year but he's making about 20K more then me now. You should be happy you have someone that has a job lol. My point is, things change. If you are looking to be with her long term...Im sure there will be a time when you make more or she's unemployed, your unemployed etc...This is not something to get bent out of shape about. Link to comment
MrMango Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 I wouldnt leave her over it, or fight with her about it. Its more of a personal demon I need to fight. Link to comment
girl68 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 ^ then fight it! Times are changing son... gals make more... we work full time, hire nannies instead of staying home, some men now assume the role... just accept it. Come to terms with it. Do you love your job, are you going to school? Do you work hard? Full time? Can you not find another job? Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Its not about wanting that, but more about my inner issues, I think. I dont feel mad or upset that she makes that much, but more that now Id almost feel embarassed to tell her how much I make now if she ever 'seriously' wanted to know. She already mentioned that she's sure she makes more than you, so she probably already knows around how much you make. Think of it this way: If she hasn't asked you how much you've made yet, then that means she doesn't care. That's a great thing. Link to comment
Tethys Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 JACKPOT! No, I jest... What is wrong with her making more? If you read around on forums such as this one, men worry constantly that women only want them for their money. So, you know now she does not want you for your assets -- well, maybe physical assets. And you are not HUGELY apart -- it's not like she's making 200k a year or something. You should be happy. You found a woman you like and she makes good money on her own. I don't see the negative in this picture. Also, I'm sure she already knows how much you make, don't hide it. Link to comment
girl68 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Actually come to think of it... is there something else that sucks about this? Maybe that you're a little jealous of how she can spend? I mean she can go out buy this, buy that, and not a worry about how little she has in her bank? To put this into persepective my bf makes 3 times as much as me, I'm living check to check... and him- well he's "rich". He can buy all these cool toys, go out for dinner and not have to think about that place because it's too expensive... or how much is that? No, can't buy it I don't have enough... so in that sense making so little really can suck that way. Sometimes I feel like I have to 'keep up' like when we go clubbing I have a 20.. that's cover and 1 drink... no tips- I can't afford it. He rolls with 200. So If this is how you feel, I understand it does suck. The solution- there isn't. If she offers to take you out, help you, buy you something you can let her... she's offering of course you may decline sometimes as well- the offer is nice gesture on your part. You're allowed to say you can't afford it- I'm sure she knows you can't and it doesn't bother her. But otherwise re assure youreslf that it's all okay! She's happy with what you are and it ain't about the money! Link to comment
MrMango Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 That has part to do with it, but its not actual items that I cant buy, but more that we both have wanted to move out of our houses, and she can afford to,and I cant. We have never talked about doing it together. We have a pretty solid relationship, but havent really discussed any serious future plans. So while shes talking and getting ready to get her own place, im kinda stuck wanted to do that but being unable too. Link to comment
girl68 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 OK answer this, why are you making so little? What is your job and how many hours do you work? I mean that's 700 every two weeks that's not much. You going to school? Think about getting a better job or another job! And talk about moving out together. And on another note 3000 a month is also next to nothing if you move out! I suppose it depends on where you live but she's in for a rude awakening! Link to comment
MrMango Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 I work at a bank and about 38 hours a week. Im going to community college part time. Im horrible at school, I need to find a trade of some sort. Im kind of looking around for other jobs, but nothing is really coming up yet. The economy is horrible here, you cant even find a job at target. Link to comment
girl68 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 ^ This is true, I hear ya, honestly keep looking, work on your job now go for promotions if they come up, there are many things you can do to make more money! Maybe not in the current economy but overall... eventually there will be more opprotunites. I too don't do so good at school but that's besides the point maybe quite school and work full time? Either way just keep working hard... you'll get there. Link to comment
MrMango Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 Alright thank you very much. Im not completely fixed, but you were able to ease my mind a bit. maybe I should start playing the lotto! haha jk. Link to comment
MrMango Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 I hate to beat this dead horse because I was truly getting better over the past week or two with this. Then the past few days she started complaining about money issues, and its all resulting from the fact that her insurance is due this month which is just a few hundred dollars. All I can keep thinking is, "subtract your insurance this ONE month and your still taking in significantly more than I am." Yet you have "money issues." It just sucks because I wish she could go a few months with my pay check and really know what its like to have no wiggle room or money to freely spend. Link to comment
DropToZero Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I hate to beat this dead horse because I was truly getting better over the past week or two with this. Then the past few days she started complaining about money issues, and its all resulting from the fact that her insurance is due this month which is just a few hundred dollars. All I can keep thinking is, "subtract your insurance this ONE month and your still taking in significantly more than I am." Yet you have "money issues." It just sucks because I wish she could go a few months with my pay check and really know what its like to have no wiggle room or money to freely spend. You guys are a team... stop acting like you're separate people and being angry at her. Are you talking with her about these things?... instead of venting it on here? Because honestly it has nothing to do with how much you make... it has to do with your behavior with money and your ability to put off pleasure. If I remember right I told you-if you plan to ever marry this girl, I hope, and I pray you're not being stupid and you're saving so much money living at home so you may be able to afford your own. If I lived at home... I make as much as you do at my part time job, I would be able to afford a nice down payment on a house in 2 years. Combined with the 2 of you, I think you'd be able to almost buy a house with a 50% or more down payment. I don't know, maybe that's not your goal with her... I'm not sure though, but you need to be talking with her about these issues in a calm manner, not us. Not trying to be mean to you, I swear, but you and your g/f, even only being a year younger than me are making me angry about the stupid things you're making such a big deal about... when you could turn your situations into amazing helpful deals for both of your futures and near future. ](*,) Link to comment
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