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Been in NC for almost 2 weeks...sad & missing him


Delusion

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Here is my previous post for background...

 

 

 

 

Basically, the guys i was dating and in a monogomous relationship until we had a really big fight over us one night which ended very badly. I feel like I should hate him and not want to be with him over the mean things he said to me and well I through some back too. Point is he wanted his time apart, he said he was open to a relationship with me but not now he needs his space. He wants to stay friends but then he goes and tells me he would love to hang out and have fun anytime. so his bday was this past weekend and I was hurt that he invited me friend and has not reached out to me yet he just goes and pokes me via Facebook. I went out and kept busy this past weekend but now this morning was hard and I felt sad and cried a bit. I thought I was getting over it and I believe I am but I can't help feelings and remember moments together. Part of me is also upset with myself for being in this situation. Another side of me is also sad and upset that he hasn't reached out since that stupid poke but then it's probably better. I'm so sad and just trying so hard to keep it together at work when all i want to do is go home and just go to sleep. I woke up nauseas too this morning.

 

Please, tell me I'm doing right by conitnuing the NC...I'm struggling to keep it together but I'm so sad. I won't reach out to him but I want to know things will get better...needed to vent and get comforting words to keep me strong...

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Well you just contacted him on Saturday, April 18th didn't you? Don't know how weeks work where you're at but here it's 7 days = 1 week. You've made it 2 days with no contact. Yippee! Let's keep it going.

 

Listen, pull yourself together. Toughen up. You've got to be in this for the long haul. Quit trying to analyze his every action. You're grasping, reaching for anything. You can't go reeling at some "poke" on Facebook.

 

Chill honey… chill. Let the dust settle. Give it a little time. Let the guy actually miss you. In the mean time pull yourself together. Go out and do something. No, that doesn’t me cyber-stalking him on Facebook or whatever. Go have some fun with friends or family.

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Yes, it is hard. Nothing worth our time and energies seldom comes easy.

 

The point to you is you need to put in some time. Let the guy breath. Let him actually realize you are gone. You are out of his life. You're not there for him anymore. Until her realizes this he can't miss you. He won't question himself about whether he made the right decision. Do you see what I'm saying?

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Please don't delude yourself by thinking that sending him the birthday greeting was not reaching out. Maybe not from your point of view, but certainly it would look that way from his. And what it essentially did was reset his "missing you" clock back to zero!

 

IMAbadman is offering you excellent advice. Please consider it seriously.

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well i did post asking whethere i should send the bday msg on this forum and the replies said it wasn't a big deal to that and just that. I haven't done on his FB page since or before that. I deleted his number from my phone including that of his friends that I have. I would delete him on FB but doesn't that send the wrong msg? I mean I want him to see that I'm out having fun with others.

 

I appreciate the advice and I don't intend to break NC unless he reaches out and will take it from there. It's just hard and this morning especially feeling like I had been in control but then again the thoughts of him came back and tears started rolling down which I stopped.

 

Should I delete him off FB?

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What if I just limit the profile, so he practically not see anything? Ok, that's probably not best either and I think still sends the msg that I'm so upset over things and that I can't even have him on there, no?

 

We were friends to start off with and well i guess when enough time has passed and i've moved on in terms of being with someone else then yes I can be friends but until then I can't. As he told me the only thing keeping us apart is that we are both in two differents points of our lives in terms of the commitment thing. Otherwise, we have a fun time together, laugh at the same things, enjoy each other's company and have gotten to know each other. I can't lie, I miss him but I will not contact him. I know he asked for space and that's what I'm giving him and it's up to him at this point when the time is right to win me over. I'm determined to move on despite the down I may still have from time to time.

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Asking the same question over and over until you get the answer you want isn't necessarily the right advice either.

 

Either block him or delete him. Who gives a hoot what he thinks! You're not his girlfriend, you are not his friend, why would you need him on Facebook.

 

Let go or be dragged.

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I agree with IMAbadman.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't be the guys friend! He said he needed space and time away from you, give it to him. Let him know what it's like without you being in his life--completely. That means deleting him off of your Facebook.

 

My ex did the same thing to me, and used the whole "we can be friends" line, after he said he saw no future with me. Well, hell...if you don't see a future with me, then there's no reason for me to stick around and be your friend.

 

You're doing the right thing. Stay in NC. Do not speak to him, do not try being his friend...not until you've fully accepted the breakup, and feel that you can be just a friend to him with no other strings attached.

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I agree and appreciate your advice. I'm sticking to NC and I think the fact that I haven't gone on his page and hid the news feed is enough. I rather him see that I'm enjoying life as I have before him and with him. At the end of the day, if we are meant to be together it will happen whethere I delete him or not. I believe I'm a much stronger person than before and I've proven it to myself by not reaching other thant he bday msg on the wall and that was just that. I understand that others need to delete that person completely to move on but I believe I'm stronger and even more of test for me to go with will power to not look at his page. Thanks for the advice once again and I will keep you all posted on the NC.

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haha Imabadman is a straight shooter! I also agree with that, you got to be stern! Like a bull! Giveeee nothing! That poke is trying to get a reaction, give him nothing! Dont give him that satisfaction, testing you. He could send a text or contact you but as most people here say dont reply unless you feel its different or he comes out saying i want to work things out. Most likely he's just gonna want to keep tabs on you see if your still waiting around for him, or just trying to get a reaction.

 

I am in your same boat, and getting closer to the 2 week mark of NC. When you say its hard, your not playing! There are days where i am pretty much ok with it, while other days im bout to cave. Thankfully i found ENotAlone, and this has helped me stand my ground. You got to send a message to first and foremost yourself that you are strong and you only need 1 person yourself. Second, show your ex you will move on, and not waiting, and that you have SELF RESPECT! If he truly did have feelings for you or love you, and you guys had something strong, eventually he will miss and realize this...question is will it be too late? Who cares, do you and only focus on you(is this hard...heck yes! but u have to try to block him out) Good luck..im with ya!

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