violingirl Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 My ex broke up with me exactly 3 weeks ago. At the time, I felt very sad about it, but it's not the worst breakup I've gone through - not by a long shot. I've been in NC ever since he dumped me over the phone and haven't even tried to contact him in any way (haven't heard from him either). I still think about him a bit, but it's mostly that I'm sad that I lost the friendship that I had with him. I've realized that it was pointless having a sexless relationship (he seemed scared of sex and had performance/depression issues; and I had to be way too patient hoping that it would happen eventually). I think that a big reason why I no longer feel so, well, broken up over the breakup is that last week I suddenly found myself attracted to a co-worker, a fellow attorney at my firm. I started working at the firm about 1 1/2 months ago, but didn't notice this guy at all until last week because I had been so wrapped up in dating the ex and then the whole breakup aftermath. He has the office next to mine. We haven't talked too much, except when I sometimes run into him at the subway station in the morning and we take the train to the office together. He's very extroverted, cute, smart and hilarious. Definitely my type. He's also single. However, I'm not sure if I'm his type at all. I'm nervous about trying to flirt with him, because we're co-workers, but I'd like to get to know him better. Is it healthy for me to be attracted to someone else so soon after a breakup? Am I just trying to skip over my pain from the breakup? Also, does anyone have any advice about how to flirt (safely) with a co-worker or how to feel him out? Link to comment
jdpreacher Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Some experts would say you need to take time off after a break-up or LTR, up to a year or more in some cases... I believe whatever feels right for that person... My only advice would be to take your time and make sure this isn't a rebound or just something to make you feel better and not take time to heal from the break-up or you'll just be going through the same thing again. As for flirting, I always like when someone is direct...a simple "hey, how you doing, how about some lunch sometime?" does wonders... Blessed Be, Preacher Link to comment
COtuner Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I think a crush helped me out quite a bit. I never acted on it, and he never knew (as far as I can tell) but it helped me focus on the fact that the rest of my life was out there waiting on me, and my heart and spirit were not dead yet. I'd say, unless you really feel this guy is more than rebound material, to just enjoy the feelings for now and help you heal. For me, the sadness and loneliness did hit again because the crush only lasted a short while, but I think it did help me heal faster than I expected. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Is it healthy for me to be attracted to someone else so soon after a breakup? Am I just trying to skip over my pain from the breakup? Also, does anyone have any advice about how to flirt (safely) with a co-worker or how to feel him out? I think it is healthy for you to be attracted to someone else. I don't think you are trying to skip the pain from the breakup. Thing is-you're in a new job and most likely you are still on probation. I'm not a fan of dating relationships in the work place. Just because of the potential of things to go wrong. But that is me. For flirting-I'm terrible. But I would google how to flirt. I think it often involve lots of smiling, touching on the arm when making a point, biting your lip, playing with your hair, laughing at his jokes etc....all that stuff. Link to comment
tulipsfav Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I think it is good, it will help take your mind of him, just be careful that its not a rebound, which it probably is. Yeah flirt with him and see what kind of responses you get from him, a simple smile and a hi is enough to get started with. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 You know I don't buy the whole rebound thing... There's one thing with bumping boots in a one night stand or maybe smacking uglies for the weekend but just because the Dumper or Dumpee meets and starts dating someone else it's not a rebound. So it's 3 weeks gone by, even if it was 1-2 weeks, if you feel you're ready to date than honey get your groove on. Honestly though... I'd skip the co-worker. Been there, done that, didn't end pretty. You may want to check your employment contract too, I'll bet they have a relationship clause. Link to comment
alli Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 maybe smacking uglies for the weekend Eww I've always hated that phrase!! Jumping into a relationship soon after a breakup is probably not a good idea, because your emotions are all over the place & the new person is likely to be the one most hurt in this situation. But just having a crush... it's kind of a distraction from what you recently went through. I don't see anything wrong with it. Just don't start dating him anytime soon or until you've checked out your company's policy on coworkers dating. Link to comment
Blanco Nino Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Agree with the others. I always purposely savor the crush and don't act on them as a way to escape the reality of missing someone. The fact he's a co-worker I think makes it a no brainer you should keep this one in fantasy land. Link to comment
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