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That means it isnt hard for him to get over me?


Anusha

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I got a email from him.It was just friendly telling his days and asking about mine.I know most of you think I should just go NC with him but I dont want him completely out of my life and anyway we just email every 2 weeks now and as just friends.I can say I got afected by his email though.It is just he said he have been going out a lot lately and having fun and that makes me think if it isnt being hard for him to get over the break up.He also said that he started to play online poker again but the reason he used to give me to not chatt often is that he didnt like being in the computer.He cant be on the computer to chatt but can to play online poker? I dont know,I guess I just was expecting to hear that is being hard for him to let go how it is for me.

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You know Carol25 I've read several of your stories. About how you're getting better, about how you’re now hurting... back and forth... back and forth... a seemingly endless gauntlet of self-induced emotional pain and stress.

 

So exactly how long do you plan on dragging yourself through this? I mean you clearly want him back. Yet you continually go through these push and pull motions and expect a different result. Einstein said, “Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting a different result.”

 

Why not try a little different approach to this? Shake his confidence a little.

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Carol, given your past posts I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he's having an easy time getting over you. Remember, he's a jerk who only wanted you for the sexual aspect? He's not having a hard time getting over the breakup because he wasn't in it for the same reason you were.

 

I know you say you can't do NC. But honestly, this going back-and-forth between healing and hurting is never going to stop unless you completely cut him out of your life. Those of us who've kept up with your story cannot stress that enough.

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You know Carol25 I've read several of your stories. About how you're getting better, about how you’re now hurting... back and forth... back and forth... a seemingly endless gauntlet of self-induced emotional pain and stress.

 

So exactly how long do you plan on dragging yourself through this? I mean you clearly want him back. Yet you continually go through these push and pull motions and expect a different result. Einstein said, “Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting a different result.”

 

Why not try a little different approach to this? Shake his confidence a little.

 

I still have fellings for him yes but I cant be back with him since I wasnt happy on the relationship and so probably wont be until he changes(what I dont think he will).What you mean with shake his confidence a litle?

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You know Carol25 I've read several of your stories. About how you're getting better, about how you’re now hurting... back and forth... back and forth... a seemingly endless gauntlet of self-induced emotional pain and stress.

 

So exactly how long do you plan on dragging yourself through this? I mean you clearly want him back. Yet you continually go through these push and pull motions and expect a different result. Einstein said, “Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting a different result.”

 

Why not try a little different approach to this? Shake his confidence a little.

 

I still have fellings for him yes but I cant be back with him since I wasnt happy on the relationship and so probably wont be until he changes(what I dont think he will).What you mean with shake his confidence a litle?

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Carol, as long as you have feelings for him, any kind of contact will cause you pain, no matter how rare the contact it, because you are secretly hoping that he misses you and that he regrets having ended the relationship with you.

 

Every single time he expresses that he is just not into you and that he never was as invested into your relationship as you were.

 

Please stop torturing yourself and pull yourself away from this addiction.

 

I understand that it is hard. If I remember correctly this was in LDR. The problem with breaking up from on LDR, is that during the relationship most of the relationship is essentially happening in your own head: you have to work on yourself to keep the emotions going for the other person, since you do not have face to face contact. Thus you are totally used not seeing the other person and not speaking to him/ her regularly and nevertheless you feed your emotions.

 

Thus when you break up you don't have a huge shift in your everyday life, because the other person wasn't there anyway.

 

But now you have to 'reprogram' your brain again to learn that even though things seem not significantly different, they ARE in fact very different. You do not have a reason/ motivation anymore the keep the feelings for the other person alive.

 

 

This guy has shown you again and again how little you mean to him. He does not deserve anything from you anymore!

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Carol, as long as you have feelings for him, any kind of contact will cause you pain, no matter how rare the contact it, because you are secretly hoping that he misses you and that he regrets having ended the relationship with you.

 

Every single time he expresses that he is just not into you and that he never was as invested into your relationship as you were.

 

Please stop torturing yourself and pull yourself away from this addiction.

 

I understand that it is hard. If I remember correctly this was in LDR. The problem with breaking up from on LDR, is that during the relationship most of the relationship is essentially happening in your own head: you have to work on yourself to keep the emotions going for the other person, since you do not have face to face contact. Thus you are totally used not seeing the other person and not speaking to him/ her regularly and nevertheless you feed your emotions.

 

Thus when you break up you don't have a huge shift in your everyday life, because the other person wasn't there anyway.

 

But now you have to 'reprogram' your brain again to learn that even though things seem not significantly different, they ARE in fact very different. You do not have a reason/ motivation anymore the keep the feelings for the other person alive.

 

 

This guy has shown you again and again how little you mean to him. He does not deserve anything from you anymore!

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I know on my mind that I should just let go but my fellings just keep holding to that.I think I just have to put my mind and fellings on the same page but I just dont know how.But I know I have to cause it just hurts me when he acts like if he doesnt care.

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I know on my mind that I should just let go but my fellings just keep holding to that.I think I just have to put my mind and fellings on the same page but I just dont know how.But I know I have to cause it just hurts me when he acts like if he doesnt care.

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Stop thinking about him. As I said in your other thread, as soon as you catch yourself thinking about him, mentally say: STOP. Do this every single time.

 

Keep yourself physically and mentally busy. There must be some kind of activity that you like/ should be doing that requires your full attention.

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Stop thinking about him. As I said in your other thread, as soon as you catch yourself thinking about him, mentally say: STOP. Do this every single time.

 

Keep yourself physically and mentally busy. There must be some kind of activity that you like/ should be doing that requires your full attention.

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I know on my mind that I should just let go but my fellings just keep holding to that.I think I just have to put my mind and fellings on the same page but I just dont know how.But I know I have to cause it just hurts me when he acts like if he doesnt care.

 

Not to sound harsh, because I really have been trying to help you, but he acts like he doesn't care because he doesn't care.

 

You say you don't know how to put your mind and feelings on the same page, but many of us have been telling you how and you don't take our advice. You need to stop all contact with him. Delete his number from your phone, delete him from every form of communication you use online (email, IM, social networking sites, anything involving the internet). If he calls, ignore him. If he emails, delete it without reading it. It sounds hardcore, but at this point this is your only hope for having any kind of a chance of moving on from him.

 

I've never seen someone struggle with this situation like you have, and it's unfortunate because I know you're capable of doing what it takes to move forward. The problem is, you say you can't do it when the truth is you just won't do it, plain and simple. And until you decide you can, there's not much else we on these forums can do to help you.

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I know on my mind that I should just let go but my fellings just keep holding to that.I think I just have to put my mind and fellings on the same page but I just dont know how.But I know I have to cause it just hurts me when he acts like if he doesnt care.

 

Not to sound harsh, because I really have been trying to help you, but he acts like he doesn't care because he doesn't care.

 

You say you don't know how to put your mind and feelings on the same page, but many of us have been telling you how and you don't take our advice. You need to stop all contact with him. Delete his number from your phone, delete him from every form of communication you use online (email, IM, social networking sites, anything involving the internet). If he calls, ignore him. If he emails, delete it without reading it. It sounds hardcore, but at this point this is your only hope for having any kind of a chance of moving on from him.

 

I've never seen someone struggle with this situation like you have, and it's unfortunate because I know you're capable of doing what it takes to move forward. The problem is, you say you can't do it when the truth is you just won't do it, plain and simple. And until you decide you can, there's not much else we on these forums can do to help you.

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Thanks for the help girls And no need to apologize for being harsh pinkrobot,I know you just trying to help me.So you all think there is no way for me to get over him being in contact? Even with that contact being not so often and just as friends?

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Thanks for the help girls And no need to apologize for being harsh pinkrobot,I know you just trying to help me.So you all think there is no way for me to get over him being in contact? Even with that contact being not so often and just as friends?

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Ok but how I can tell him that I want to go NC without seeming that Im playing with him? It was my idea to keep contact after the break up and on his email before this one he had said that he was thinking on discussing with me to stop the emails since he wasnt liking how it is now and I said I was fine with how was now and didnt want to.So it wont seem like Im playing with him by saying I want to stop the contact after had said on my last email that I didnt want it?

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Stop thinking about what impression you might/ might not make on him. Start to be a bit more selfish about your own needs.

 

IMO I would not do anything for now. The next time he emails you write back that you have decided not to be in contact with him anymore, because staying in touch has been too hard for you. (you don't have to give him specifics, you don't own him anything at this moment)

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Stop thinking about what impression you might/ might not make on him. Start to be a bit more selfish about your own needs.

 

IMO I would not do anything for now. The next time he emails you write back that you have decided not to be in contact with him anymore, because staying in touch has been too hard for you. (you don't have to give him specifics, you don't own him anything at this moment)

 

Ok thank you

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You just send him an email and tell him you've thought about it more, and he's right, it is time to stop the emails.

 

Then stop.

 

Everyone wants to love and be loved, but you are confusing a fear of being alone and an obsession with love. You think you love him, but really, you are emotionally obsessed with him.

 

The way to get over this is to find a counselor, or else read a book like 'Obsessive Love: When it Hurts too much to let go' by Susan Forward that teaches you how to get over constantly thinking about a person.

 

Love is what two people built together, when they both decide they want it and want to work towards a future together. That just isn't happening with this guy, and you need to recognize that you need to stop thinking about 'love' and recognize you are obsessed and need to let him go. So get treatment for the obession (read that book and follow the principles in it), and you will get better.

 

The other thing is that for an obsession to stop, you must have no contact that feeds the obsession. So you need to stop sending him emails, and stop responding if he sends one. But it really sounds like he is ready for it to be over, and wants to stop contact, so now is a good time to do it.

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