Abusive father willing to change

[house259]

Hello! where to start? I come from a loving family that has always supported and looked out for my best interests. My father is understanding, but he has a slight problem. When he gets angry, he gets very angry. I dont know if this is because he's the only man in the house and his roots are sexist, or just the fact that he can't control himself. He has never laid a finger on my mother though he has hit me. It's crazy because he never used to, this started AFTER i started college. he says its because i disrespect him but i think it may be because i'm tired of him blowing up and abusing my mother and sisters emotionally.

 

Anyways though, for the past 6 months he's hit me more than he has my entire life. probably about 5 times, and yesterday was the worst. The whole family got into the biggest fight i'd ever seen, and like always, me and my father were the ones getting at it. (sometimes i think my mother and little sisters are afraid of him). He hit me in the face, leaving me with a black eye. He tried to choke me twice but my mom stopped him.

 

Yesterday night, he spent the whole day locked in his room crying. And then he came out and apologized to everyone, me especially. He said he knew his anger had gotten out of control and that it was never going to happen again because he was going to change. Now, my father is the type of man who never apologizes, so i found that out of character.

 

I forgave him, but im still so scared. While he was doing those things to me i just thinking "isnt he going to stop". I never thought i would be put in one of those situations and it happened with my dad. I dont know how to look at him. I thought he wanted to kill me.

 

I told him to go to a psychologist and it looked like he was thinking about it. I just don't know. The first times he's hit me,he said he wouldnt do it again..but he's doing it again. I know they say when your husband or boyfriend hits you, you should leave because they always do it again. I dont know though, he's my father.

[Bad Wolf]

My father said the same thing after hitting my sister but not long after that he beat me up. It sounds to me like it's just getting worse and who knows, he could really hurt one of you next time.... Don't ask him to get help, tell him to. If he doesn't and he hits one of you again just ring the cops, it'll scare the crap outta him and they'll force him to get help.

[CrazyKing]

How is his relationship with your grandmother (his mother), or was...

 

My father and my sisters husband are both quite aggressive and the main cause lies in a perverted relationship with their mothers... It's very often the case...

[melissa2009]

you need to protect yourself and the other women in the house.

force him to get counselling. Tell him that if he doesn't, you won't believe he is serious.

And an ultimatium might help - make him believe that there will be consequences if he does it again. That you are a strong woman (you are, or you wouldn't be posting here) and that to protect yourself, you will call the police if you have to - that if he hits you again, you will be forced to call the police (even afterwards). This might cause him to think twice. And even if he starts again, a simple 'want me to call the police' might make him stop??? You know him - you'll have to judge.

But you can't let this situation go on.

are you financially dependent on him?

[BellaDonna]

I hope he stands by his words.

 

If he ever hits you again, call the police.

 

Yesterday night, he spent the whole day locked in his room crying. And then he came out and apologized to everyone, me especially. He said he knew his anger had gotten out of control and that it was never going to happen again because he was going to change.

 

If he is that remorseful and really wants to change, hopefully he will seek counseling.