Ex texting me, boss in love with me and i'm supposed to be spending the weekend with another man!

[msfoolish]

Things have got soooooo confusing!

 

1. My ex, who i've had NC with for 3 weeks (had to tell him to go NC as i cant be there for him just cos he's drunk and saying he misses me!) calls me out of the blue early hours of sunday morning. Drunk again, with some lies about my friends being awful to him and to tell them to stop. None of my friends were out that night!!! I told him that i didnt want to sound heartless but i really dont think he should be in contact considering whats happened between us.

 

He then phoned back an hour later, 4.20 am by now, to say sorry! He then rang in the morning and demanded to know why he rang me and sounded angry!!!! He then proceeded to text me all day the next day, leading me into conversations asking me if i was moving away and saying that the father of my son told him that we were an item again for my sons sake -- ANOTHER lie!!! Then he told me he was so depressed and couldnt handle things, but in the mean time he has been seeing other people and he's apparently sleeping around!!! Why is he doing this???? Why cant he just leave me alone to heal???

 

2. In th mean time, i have been on a date with a nice man who has asked me to his place for the weekend, i've said i'll go, its a bit soon for me really but i need to do this for myself, to move on if you see what i mean. To have some fun with someone nice, and to help me forget about my ex. I'm nervous but i know i'll have a nice time. It wont stop me having feelings for my ex but it will take my mind off things.

 

3. To top it all off, my boss has said he has deep feelings for me! He knows what i've been thru lately and i just cant understand why he would say this and put me in this position!!!! I have never shown any any interest in him romantically ever!! I dont feel the same obviously, so i said we were friends end of story. He then said i should be a good friend to him and hear him out, and that he need to get it off his chest and tell me exactly how he feels about me! I feel a bit angry about this, i feel like it was emotional blackmail, saying i should be a good friend and listen to him.

 

I dont feel the same and never will and now i feel annoyed with him for putting me in this position! He has said he wants me to meet him tonight! ugh! I dont want to have to worry about my bloody job too! Wiil he make me feel uncomfortable at work? Will things become awkward? He cant sack me cos i'm self employed but work in his salon, but it could turn sour. I really dont need this cr*p right now. What should i do....

 

1. about the ex

2. about the new guy

3. about my boss

 

Thanks so much for reading, any input would be great x

[top bloke]

1/ hangup on the ex

2/ Take your time with mr nice to have a good relationship

3/ tell your boss you have no feelings for him and you are seeing someone...if he sacks you at least hes one less headache.

[philove]

ditto^ isn't it funny how things come in three's!

[OrangeMoon]

1. ignore him. dont respond to him anymore. its hard, but eventually he will stop. if you have made yourself clear about the nc..then he is just being very selfish and does not want you to heal. get a new number for friends if you have too and change your emailaddress if need be

 

2. be prepared that this just is a one night stand, and you wont hear from this guy again. If you are ready for this..then you are an adult enough to make your own choices. If you want attention from a guy..i would just enjoy going out for dates and having cosey fun. The sex can come later once you feel emotionally ready as well. Now its risky in my opinion.

 

3. Be polite, be clear on your feelings about the boss and let him go softly by saying that you are not able to focus on new love relships and friendships right now and hope he respects that. That he's a great guy and boss, but you cant allow yourself to look beyond that. You have to take care of yourself first.

 

Next ,..if you are selfemployed go and get yourself a consult with a laywer..and prepare yourself for the possibilty that you might have to look for a new place to work or when the dust has settled look for a new boss all together..because this one is a ticking timebomb

[Just Me85]

Woah there chickadee! Sounds like a lot of your plate. I want to try and offer my advice hope you dont mind

 

1. The ex.

 

In my opinion he is being a little bit selfish for treating you this way and calling drunk. It sounds to me like he has a lot of regrets and is desperately trying to get a rise out of you and some attention. It seems to have gotten to the point where any attention from you is better than none in his opinion which is why he has gone off the rails. Who has told you he is sleeping around? If it is him or any of his friends do not be so sure its true. He might be playing the whole "My life is so much better without you" game because he has bitterness about how things turned out. If you are certain you want to move on without him you need to be frank and straight and just tell it how it is. You dont have to be mean but next time he calls drunk just calmly say

 

"I am not going to talk to you when you are drunk. If you want to talk phone me tomorrow instead when your mind is clear."

 

This sends out a clear message that he wont get any respect or admiration

from you for calling while intoxicated. Also, it may well be a case of drunk dialling and when he has thought about it the next day, he may decide not to call afterall and it saves the anger and embarrassment of what he might have said to you the night before.

 

If you still love him and he makes an effort to change and you can talk properly without alcohol, well thats up to you. Only you know what you want from this, but sounds to me like you dont want to be with him anymore. If he keeps harrassing you and you are not interested, it might be best to change your number.

 

 

2. The nice man.

 

If he is as nice as you say he is, then he wont mind waiting for you if you feel like your not ready. Its best not to rush these things. Is it possible you could just go on some more dates in public rather than staying at his house where things could move too fast for you? Be honest with him, chances are if he really likes you he will totally respect your decisions and then you can take the relationship to the next level when it is comfortable with you.

 

If he does not respect this, or gets annoyed or doesnt want to see you anymore, then you need to think yourself lucky you didnt stay over! And this would be a test of his character too, if he doesnt wait for you then he isnt the nice man he appears to be in my opinion. Take it slow, at your own pace theres no rush.

3. The Boss

 

Do NOT worry about this. Firstly it is not very professional of him to put you in this situation where he is making you feel almost obligated. You did the right thing by telling him where he stands and now you must keep the relationship strictly professional. If he carries on making comments or asking you out, you need to act carefully but if he doesnt stop this borders on sexual harassment. If he in any way threatens your job or tries to blackmail you, then you can take him to court over this. It is wrong and people will be on your side. As long as from now on you KEEP the relationship strictly professional and do not give any of your colleagues the impression that something is going on. These people are your witnesses, I know it sounds dramatic but its true.

 

You can remain polite and pleasant, but do not stand for this behaviour if it doesn't stop. Chances are that now you have told him where he stands, this may stop anyway.

 

I hope I have helped in some way?

 

Just relax, breathe and take each day as it comes, there is no rush darling.

 

x

[msfoolish]

Thanks 'broken',

 

1. i shouldnt have let myself be lead into a conversation with him at all and i'm a bit annoyed with myself that he probably now thinks i'm still there in the sidelines! Aaargh, how stupid!!

 

2. this guy lives 200 miles away thats why he invited me for the weekend, its his birthday. I'm 37 and am under no illusions as to how this relationship could pan out, if it carries on fine if not, well it doesnt. I do kow this guy, just not romantically (used to live in my home town, friend of friends etc)

 

3. i will tell my boss how i feel and will be nice but firm, the thing is he knows about the new guy and all about my ex etc as we have talked about it as i just thought he was e friend and def not interested in me like that! I'm a bit annoyed that he would put me i this position now as he knows all the facts! Ah well i'll just have to deal with it and hope things go ok, i have 2 children to support and a house to run, being unemployed wasnt quite in the game plan!!!!!

 

Thanks guys x

[msfoolish]

Justme85,

 

You make so much sense. I still love my ex its true, but this is not our first break up, he's young and needs his freedom i guess, but he doesnt want me to move on i suppose. He's said he doesnt love me anymore. a few weeks ago i had to tell him not to contact me again as he was calling me drunk saying he missed me, texting me for hours at night etc etc, and when i asked what he was going to do about it, he replied nothing cos i dont love you anymore!!!! Crushing!

 

So you see i just cant hold out any hope for us to be together, i need to move on.

 

This other guy lives a long way away, invited me for his birthday. If i dont see this guy again at least i dont have to bump into him in town! I'm not emotionally invested at all. But he is fun and intelligent and good looking, so thats a bonus.

 

And as for my boss i almost feel like he's taking advantage of me being heartbroken as he knows what i've been thru! I'll just deal with it the best i can and be firm!

 

Thank you for the reply x

[iamtrying]

I just wanna say:

you go girl!

[msfoolish]

Thanks iamtrying!!!! lol xx