Aeryn Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I just got back from my lab a little bit ago. I'm partners with my ex, as well as two other guys. Luckily, today was the last lab--so I don't have to be partners with my ex anymore. Anyways...we had a lab final today. My ex and I walked up to get our papers at the same time, and he tried handing me a paper, and I just kind of ignored the gesture and grabbed my own, then walked off. Probably kind of a rude thing to do, but, I honestly don't care anymore. Anyone else got to the point after a breakup where, honestly, you just don't care anymore? You've tried so long, done everything, and nothing seems to change the fact that your ex doesn't want you. And then, after a while, you (the dumpee) just get to the point where...well, it just simply doesn't matter. It's been so long without them, that you're already getting used to it, and don't see a point in trying anymore. Everything you're doing is for you, and you don't care whether or not it hurts your ex's feelings or anything. Heck, I could even break NC right now and contact him asking to get back together...and hearing him say "No" again wouldn't phase me one bit. What's this called? Just indifference, I guess? I don't want him to think I hate him, because I don't. I still love him dearly. But I don't care anymore. And I want him to know that, when I said we wouldn't be friends, I meant it. I don't care how friendly he is to me, I will not be his "friend" when he broke up with me saying that he saw no future with me whatsoever. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 You go girlfriend!! It's not about him. It's about you. You take care of yourself. Live life like you own it. If what you say is true, you have truly let go. Link to comment
Ruede Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I think you're entitled to feel and act this way. Thankfully, you won't have to be in a lab with him anymore! Link to comment
BoddenProBowler06 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I got this way after a long recovery period. I realized it when I saw her walking down the hallway going to class, she waved, and I nodded but didn't say a word. I kept on walking. It felt like a release finally being able to see her but feeling absolutely nothing. Link to comment
Aeryn Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 What I said is definitely true. So I guess I've let go then? It's only been 37 days since the breakup. But I know there's nothing more I can do, nothing more I can say. Bodden-- I'm glad we're in the same boat! How did your ex react when you acted that way to her? Link to comment
uj2004 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I got this way after a long recovery period. I realized it when I saw her walking down the hallway going to class, she waved, and I nodded but didn't say a word. I kept on walking. It felt like a release finally being able to see her but feeling absolutely nothing. If you had done that in the movie Swingers, they would have said you were money! Very cool move. Link to comment
Aeryn Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 If you had done that in the movie Swingers, they would have said you were money! Very cool move. Is that a good movie? Everybody talks about it...I've never seen it though. What's it about? Link to comment
BoddenProBowler06 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Bodden-- I'm glad we're in the same boat! How did your ex react when you acted that way to her? I don't know, and I don't care either. I didn't look back to notice. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 If someone dumps you, you don't owe them anything, including being friends with them if you don't feel like it. It sounds like you're getting over it and putting it past you, which is good! You're free to do what you want, and if having nothing to do with him is what you want, then do it! Link to comment
Aeryn Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 If someone dumps you, you don't owe them anything, including being friends with them if you don't feel like it. It sounds like you're getting over it and putting it past you, which is good! You're free to do what you want, and if having nothing to do with him is what you want, then do it! We shared a lot of great times. But, why should I try being friends with someone like that? I mean--he said he saw no future with me. He said he wanted a life of solitude. So I'm respecting both of those. No future with me includes not being friends. A life of solitude includes not being friends. At the same time, I'm respecting myself. I don't know whether or not he understands this, but I don't care. He dumped me. So you're right--I don't owe him anything. Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Letting go feels so good. I can say I feel "indifferent" too. I will be civil with my ex, but he hurt me and being friends will be like salt in the wound. Do what you got to do for you. You did all that you could, ball is in his court. Do things for you and be happy and good things will follow! Link to comment
canali Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 i think many of us would rather have your attitude then the pensive one we often have....at least with your 'anger' or 'indifference' your energy is moving away from your heart...but with depression it's really (as they say) anger turned inwards on onself. so good for you...take care of you being as civil as you can, still. Link to comment
Aeryn Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 I've spent a whole month...well, a little over a month...being depressed. The only thing I had on my mind really was, "Will he come back to me?" "When will he come back to me?" "Is there anything I can do to win him back?" And to be honest, I'm just sick of it. I miss my ex, yes. But damn...I'm so sick of sitting around wondering about getting back together with him and making myself feel miserable in the process. I want to just get on with life. If he comes back down the road, so be it. I don't know if I'd even want to be with him again now. If he doesn't come back, great, I'll find me a real man. I think that's the outlook everyone should have...though it hurts to lose the one we loved, they just--for the most part--didn't feel the same sparks and connection. At least now I can start going to the gym to work out, and don't have to worry about him telling me "nooo you don't have to" and then shoving cake and cookies down my throat. Oh! I found this video on youtube. Despite going through this recent breakup myself, I got some laughs from it. Mostly because a lot of it sounds exactly like what my ex said when he broke things off (aside from the "you are ugly" parts; he didn't say that to me). Link to comment
Deity Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 It may be a feeling of healing but people who simply choose not to commit themselves to us deserve the same treatment and courtesy as others. They didint do it to hurt us. They did it because they did not want things to continue and in some cases lacked adequate tools to handle the handle the breakup properly. In the long run bitterness does not help at all. Link to comment
Aeryn Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 It may be a feeling of healing but people who simply choose not to commit themselves to us deserve the same treatment and courtesy as others. They didint do it to hurt us. They did it because they did not want things to continue and in some cases lacked adequate tools to handle the handle the breakup properly. In the long run bitterness does not help at all. True. I'm not going call him bad names behind his back or anything, because I love(d) the guy. But, I'm not going to try being his friend. I'm not going to sit next to him in class and talk to him. Truthfully, I think all relationships have potential to succeed. However, one of the parties, or sometimes both, just isn't willing to put in the effort to try and make things work. Giving up is easier than trying to most people. Link to comment
canali Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 good one, sweets...we ALL need some perspective here, man. the video put things in perspective: i mean just read today mel gibson's wife and him have separated (28 years together)...a number of months ago it was morgan freeman and his partner of 20+...and sarah mclaughlin and her former beau of 11 yrs...hey this gig happens all the time...people come and people go. Link to comment
Deity Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 True. I'm not going call him bad names behind his back or anything, because I love(d) the guy. But, I'm not going to try being his friend. I'm not going to sit next to him in class and talk to him. Truthfully, I think all relationships have potential to succeed. However, one of the parties, or sometimes both, just isn't willing to put in the effort to try and make things work. Giving up is easier than trying to most people. Yes, but the question is does the other really want to make it to succeed. It is easier to give up than be honest and tell that I dont want this relationship to happen. Or get any deeper. It's harsh but it happens. Only thing is certain that after letting go and accepting that it is over no matter of the reasons it gets alot easier. Link to comment
Aeryn Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 Yes, but the question is does the other really want to make it to succeed. It is easier to give up than be honest and tell that I dont want this relationship to happen. Or get any deeper. It's harsh but it happens. Only thing is certain that after letting go and accepting that it is over no matter of the reasons it gets alot easier. Every relationship is different. In most cases, I think dumpees do want to make things work--hence why they are/were still in the relationship. However, dumpers (sometimes, not all the time) do not want to see things work out. Why else would they have left? If it was to "teach the dumpee a lesson" then that's pretty pathetic. I mean...why be a coward about things? Why not just tell the truth? You just make yourself look like a wimp in the long-run when you run away from your problems. Link to comment
Aeryn Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 Haha, you're stalking my search history, aren't you? I was watching this one earlier too, I got a good laugh out of it. But sheesh...it's true. Everyone will start over again at some point. Everyone will have a happy ending, as long as they believe it. Link to comment
Deity Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I believe they do it because they are too affraid, too insecure about their feelings and generally just not ready for anything serious. And then their self preservation mode kicks in and ends the relationship altough the reasons might not make any sense. But that doesnt matter. Anyway thats how I imagine it to be. And it makes me feel better to believe that things went that way because the relationship was not going to work anyway due these problems inside the dumpers head. I deserve someone who is ready and so do you. Link to comment
canali Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 yeahI did stalk your your tube... ..just did a ''breakup'' search there we all need perspective right? ....so maybe given the circle we all go through i'll post something on that...ie should we maybe in our next gig NOT take it so seriously OR how about trying to get as many REJECTIONS as you can (a counter intuitive sales technique we do sometimes... that's the great thing about sales: it teaches you to grow a thick skin and if someone ''rejects'' your product (in this case ''us") we just review what did/didn't work and then move on to the next prospect....I sort of admire those tougher minded dudes who as i referenced before don't overanalyze to death (my downfall) and just MOVE ON. Haha, you're stalking my search history, aren't you? I was watching this one earlier too, I got a good laugh out of it. But sheesh...it's true. Everyone will start over again at some point. Everyone will have a happy ending, as long as they believe it. Link to comment
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