scared to go

[BCC123]

heres my situation, i am 20 years old, going to college in omaha nebraska, live with my parents after moving out for about 8 months and couldnt afford it. my parents are great never really make me feel bad or anything.

 

i recently found a nannying job in california. i have no attachments here except my friends and family, but no boyfriend, kids, responsibilities or anything so im thinking why not?

 

the thing is i am so scared to be independent and on my own. the other night, saturday night i got really drunk with a bunch ofmy friends and i starting crying because deep down i am scared to move there by myself and leave everyone behind, and some of my friends said maybe im not ready?

 

my main and pathetic reason for not wanting to go is my ex boyfriend. we were together for 3 years and broke up a year ago but we still talk and hang out all the time, we are exclusive with each other, still love each other and in honesty i am waiting around for him to be ready to be in a relationship again. neither of us had another relationship after ours and i truly think we will be together some day when hes ready. i think me leaving is going to ruin all our chances of ever being back together and i asked him this the other night and he said that im just so wrapped up in the thought of me and him and that he doesnt know if it will or not.

 

what do i do? i know i should take this opportunity, grow up and do something on my own but i am so scared.

[Jetta]

I say trust your fear you have it for a reason. He may or may not be the guy for you but only time will tell. And the job may be great but can you find a similarly great job in Nebraska?

[Gratsy]

Do you reallyw ant to stay in the same boring place all your life and not expand your horizons? Sure, there are lots of things to be scared of, but you'll be stronger and more experienced. Yeah, it will be hard for the first couple of months because you were used to a social net and now you have to create one.

[BCC123]

yeah i know i have to get over this fear and just go, but like my whole life (i know this is pathetic) revolves about getting back together with this guy. i dont make it seem like its the most important thing to me. i have a big group of friends and many other things to do so i dont make it obvious but he is my true love and i dont want to ruin things with him is the only reason i dont want to go. i wish he would actually find another girlfriend so its easier for me to see that it will never happen.

 

i know it'll be for the best for me to get out of this place and go, if it doesnt work out i can always come back