How can I ever trust him again?

[skirt]

I don't feel like I can trust my boyfriend at all. It's been about a week since I logged into his Facebook and caught him really seriously flirting with another girl. The long letters he wrote her drove me crazy (they were really...intense), and since then we've been over and over the situation but he's still so vague about some of the details, it seems like he's trying to spare my feelings. She didn't seem to reciprocate much at all (aside from sending him photos of herself) and he only very recently promised to stop talking to her altogether but I still have this suspicion that they're still talking, or that maybe there's someone else I need to be worrying about.

Tomorrow I'm going to see him again, we have a long distance relationship. I last saw him February 27th. We usually meet up every month, but for the last two months he'd been talking to me less and less every day, and actually spent about a week or two ignoring me completely. I was so distraught over it I stopped eating and sleeping. He says that's all behind us now, he's devoted to the relationship and to me, and that he'd never ignore me again but I think my feelings for him are changing and I'm afraid he's going to hurt me again. I spent these past two months trying to win back his affection, and now that I have it, I can't even enjoy it. What can I do?

[jahur]

it seems to me that he has no respect for you. knowing you could access that wretchid site and you seeing that, what sort of guy is he.

stop flowering his ego with your attempts to win him, he is playing from what i can read, dont fast, or lose sleep over him, there are many more men out there who would no doubt love to have you as their partner and would not subject you this type of behaviour.

 

i am sorry you found out that way but you are not alone feeling the way you do with the facebook crap.

 

i personally hate the site with avengence and have fell victim of it!

[Greedy Toad]

Run, hide away for a little while and get your self respect back.

 

The more you chase the less he will respect.

 

Leave it for your own sanity and strength.

[needafriend]

I'm sorry you are with this guy. He clearly doesn't deserve you.

 

I know LDR are hard work but If he has actively chased another woman he is probably not very invested in your relationship. I went through the same type of thing recently.

 

And if he is chasing other girls, what else is he doing when you are not around?

 

Unfortunetly, you probably will never trust him in the same way again. I doubt he even deserves your trust.

 

Personally, I'd end this and be with someone that would never even THINK about going behind your back and try to hook up with other girls. Because that's what he is doing.

[skirt]

Run, hide away for a little while and get your self respect back.

 

The more you chase the less he will respect.

 

Leave it for your own sanity and strength.

 

There's no running away and hiding, my flight leaves 11:30 a.m. tomorrow.

And i can't exactly say I'm chasing anymore, but I was. Now he's trying to stay in touch with me more often but...I don't know. I don't appreciate it the way I should.

[jahur]

There's no running away and hiding, my flight leaves 11:30 a.m. tomorrow.

And i can't exactly say I'm chasing anymore, but I was. Now he's trying to stay in touch with me more often but...I don't know. I don't appreciate it the way I should.

 

why is he trying to be nice now, the facebook women blew him out?

licking his wounds?

 

just be careful this dont happen to you again, you can only take so much with this crap, living in hope he and the relationship will get better?

 

once the rot sets in imho is when its time to bail out,

 

when the bad outweighs the good its time to go!

 

but goodluck and have a safe flight

[Greedy Toad]

There's no running away and hiding, my flight leaves 11:30 a.m. tomorrow.

And i can't exactly say I'm chasing anymore, but I was. Now he's trying to stay in touch with me more often but...I don't know. I don't appreciate it the way I should.

 

Well, I wish you luck, and maybe this is the time for some soul searching to see how your feelings are when you are with him.

 

Trust is one of the most delicate things to repair once it is damaged, and never really is the same again.

 

I am a guy, and whilst he may be sincere and have good intentions, we all know where good intentions can lead to...........

[Greedy Toad]

why is he trying to be nice now, the facebook women blew him out?

licking his wounds?

 

Didn't want to say that, but i thought of that as well.

 

Have to agree.

[jahur]

Didn't want to say that, but i thought of that as well.

 

Have to agree.

 

thanks for agreeing, the op has asked our opinions and its up to us to respect that but in the mean time not give anyone false hope.

 

because when we are being hurt we live in that shadow of false hope and believing our own propaganda. its not the place to be.

 

tell the truth and shame the devil. (in a tactful way of course)

[lavenderdove]

Most long distance relationships eventually fall apart because of loneliness and not having someone local to spend a lot of time with... out of sight, out of mind.

 

They can work if you have a specific goal in mind to move to the same location within a specific period of time, i.e., you will move together in one year once one is out of school.

 

But if it is just a nebulous open ended situation where there are no concrete plans to actually spend a lot of time together, the temptation is always there to find someone local who is available for a more normal relationship and regular sex. Eventually he'll just get tired of having sex only a few times a year when you are able to see him.

 

So i suggest that when you get there, you talk about how serious you are together, and whether he sees it going farther and when one or the other of you will move so you can really be together. If there are no such plans, then there's no point in trying to continue a relationship with someone who obviously might be looking for someone local or more than one person to fill the gaps, and who will lose interest in you if he has someone else more available than you.

 

I think the other girl might have not been all that interested in him and blew him off, but if he does find someone else who 'bites', he may take her up on it or go with her rather than you and dump you.

[skirt]

Didn't want to say that, but i thought of that as well.

 

Have to agree.

 

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if that were true. At first, when I confronted him with what I'd found, he was mostly upset that he'd gotten caught and that I'd invaded his privacy. Then suddenly, he changed his mind and started telling me he knew no one loved him the way I did, no one was as compatible, etc etc.

[offplanet]

If its not too late to cancel, I would seriously not go. Anyway, you shouldn't HAVE to try to win someone's love. If its not there, it's not there. I don't understand why you would want him, when he's actively been pursuing another girl. Wouldn't you want someone who felt the same about you as you do about him? If not, you're setting yourself up for some very sad times. I hope you will take yourself out of that situation. When you have to chase someone you should already know that they're not really into you. I hope you will have more self respect than to go on doing that. all the best.

offplanet

[jahur]

sounds like he was trying to wriggle out of it, surely your not that obtuse skirt? he is taking you for a ride and you wont accept it (believing your own propaganda), i personally think its a waste of flying time and cost, and not to mention your carbon footprint.

 

he got upset with you for invading HIS privacy???? how dare he insult you., what planet is he from, he is treating you as stupid.

get a backbone and give him the spanish archer!!! dont be a sucker. sorry to be so matter of facr but i think and i believe many others reading your post will agree.

 

take it from me, i was a serial cheater and now i live in shame. the worst thing about having insight to this disgusting trait is seeing it in others and knowing thats how i used to be we all learn our own ways

 

goodluck xxx

[skirt]

We've been talking about living together for about four months but it seems as though if it did happen it wouldn't happen for another year, at least. I agree though, the relationship is doomed to fail if I'm not around. The girl he was reaching out to was also living in a completely different state, but I imagine if he found someone around to occupy his time, he'd opt to be with her instead. I guess all I can do for now is see what things are like with him when I get there, and if there's any spark left for me on my end at all anymore.

[skirt]

What happened was basically, at first he was ignoring me, and I was confused by it. He gave me all of these valid excuses and reasons for having done so at the time, but I was consumed with suspicion anyway. Once things were good again, and I found these letters he had written to this girl, I realized I'd been right all along. He HAD been ignoring me and talking to someone else (although, not actually ignoring me FOR her) anyway. At the time, yeah. I wasn't eating or sleeping over this. I didn't know what I'd even done to him to deserve being treated that way. Now? He's back, he's trying to be sweet, but I don't feel the same. I don't trust him. He bought me a concert ticket in his area to make it up to me, and told me he'd pay me back for this flight so I took him up on it, although, yeah. I regret it. But I invested enough time in this relationship to feel like maybe...I should at least go and see what's going on for myself.

[jahur]

We've been talking about living together for about four months but it seems as though if it did happen it wouldn't happen for another year, at least. I agree though, the relationship is doomed to fail if I'm not around. The girl he was reaching out to was also living in a completely different state, but I imagine if he found someone around to occupy his time, he'd opt to be with her instead. I guess all I can do for now is see what things are like with him when I get there, and if there's any spark left for me on my end at all anymore.

 

ok move in, thats just like having a baby to save the relationship.

 

see where im coming from.

 

anyhow i think i have said enough only you can learn from your mistakes, just find out for yourself.

[skirt]

ok move in, thats just like having a baby to save the relationship.

 

see where im coming from.

 

anyhow i think i have said enough only you can learn from your mistakes, just find out for yourself.

 

Yeah...we we've BEEN talking about it, until he pulled this. Again, I've only known about this for a week, so. I can't say it's something I'm looking into doing anytime soon anyway, I can't say this enough, I DON'T trust him. This post is about me not believing him enough to feel comfortable even SEEING him.

[jahur]

[/b]

 

just remember thats not your fault he has made you not trust him.

 

yes ok go and see and be careful, but you'lle find out in time what the score really is.

 

you not feeling the same, is your gut instinct knocking at your heart and telling you to wise up.

 

there is no smoke without fire.

 

i hope it does work out for you but from what you are beleiving inside and posting here is telling me its not good. be prepared and the hurt will be less.

 

big hug and goodluck xx