My mother is dating!!!

[flyingdodo]

My dad died last year. My parents weren't happy together for the last 10 years or so. That was the norm for me. Now my mum is dating. It would be weird for me to see my mum being all lovey dovey with my dad but with another bloke is totally weird. I want her to be happy but I don't want to hear about this bloke all the time. I don't want to see him or talk to him. This has made me feel so weird it's made me sick. I KNOW I sound like a 6 year old but I don't know what to do. I'm just venting I don't really expect any suggestions

[jahur]

hey hun, make it very very clear in the best possible, but matter of fact way, that it would hurt you to have this relationship rubbed in your face, that you will support her but thats as far as it goes and could you please respect my wishes. and also be clear that you will not stand in her way.

 

i hope this helps, if you have any other questions, dont hesitate in asking on this forum.

[Sn0man]

You can tell her you're happy that she's found someone that makes her happy, but that also you aren't the person with whom to be talking about it.

[d24]

she has every right to find someone new, but if you're not comfortable hearing about it then you have every right to ask her to stop talking to you about it (as it makes you feel weird).

 

Win win

[lavenderdove]

Talk to her a bit about your discomfort... If you vocalize it, you might be able to get past it.

 

Tell her that it feels weird to get used to the idea of her with someone else... and it has nothing to do with whomever she chooses and that you'll try to work thru it.

 

She really is entitled to companionship and love like anyone else, and you just need to get used to the idea of your mother as a normal sexual human being who has needs for love and companionship.

 

I think it is reasonable to tell her you need time to get used to the idea, but eventually you need to get over this. If you really can't do that on your own, get some counseling to address why you are so squeamish about your mother being with a man. It may have more to do with your own need to still feel like a child with the security of a mother/father situation at home that never changes, but life and time moves on, and your father is gone and you're an adult and your mother is entitled to happiness.

 

Recognize that this has more to do with you wanting/needing to stay in the child role with her rather than accept her as a person rather than just your mother. She is a person with her own needs AND your mother, and you need to work on visualizing that properly and when you do, you'll be OK with it.

[flyingdodo]

I'm beginning to think I need counselling for everything! I'm not very good at accepting change. I've had quite a few major changes in my life in the last year and this just seems like one more. I'll get used to it I guess. Thank you for all the replies.