the college experience

[tom1607307597]

First off I know that there's no regular college experience for college kids. I am sitting down tonight and thinking back these last three years I've been going to my university and am wondering if I've wasted so much of it. I know that college is what you make out of it, that always has been common sense to me; but so far my experiences at college aren't what I've been hoping for.

 

I always imagined myself surrounded by close to a dozen friends, going to parties on weekends, meeting alot of girls, getting a girlfriend, stuff like that. It feels like torture sometimes when I go and see photos of people I added on facebook where they're out having a fun time at a club or surrounded by friends; or even doing something crazy and weird like throwing a tv off a parking garage or making clothes out of newspaper. I can't remember a single time I've been here that I tried doing something that random.

 

In reality I'm a third year junior who still has trouble finding a girl to agree to a date, who makes mediocre grades with a poor gpa, and who spends most of his weekends just studying and doing homework. My luck with girls seems to have gone downhill from a time when I considered myself worse off than I am now. Parties... let's just say I'm pretty much never invited to any and if I was by some random chance to throw a party myself only a few close friends would bother showing up (I can count that number on one hand).

 

What get's me is my lack of partying and going out should have been enough to get good grades. I didn't even have a job during these times and I still did really bad and got mediocre grades; it feels like this entire time I've been distracted by something. Maybe I'm too fixated on girls, idk. I know I shouldn't be so down on myself, but all this stuff keeps bugging me. I wish I was more random, more outgoing, more masculine (more aggressive around girls, in sports, etc.), just a freakin different person. I really hate that I'm so shy, so quiet, so non-spontaneous, boring, whatever . Girl's don't digg that from what I can tell.

 

Sorry for making people read all that, this just always frustrates me when I think back on missed opportunities and such. I feel like I'm missing out on so many things I could be doing here and I'm wasting the precious few years I have left till I graduate.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

Omg, I hate facebook for that reason. At least you went to college. I have to look at those stupid pictures and realize I was too dumb to apply and thought I was doing something better with my life than following the crowd.

 

In the end you're not that old. You can start over, get new opportunities, move to a new country. Take a risk.

 

College isn't that precious. (Other than the monetary value)

 

Speaking of pictures, I know my boyfriend before he graduated had tons of "druNkz pixz" on his facebook and I asked him about them recently and he said he knew none of those people really that well and he can't say any of them were friends. Obviously everyone's expirience is different.

[Caldus]

I never really had many dates in college. I went to a few parties here and there, but in reality I just had no desire to go to these parties, even if I wanted to somehow feel like I belonged to something. I'm like you, pretty quiet and introverted in nature. I think my first date was some time in sophomore year if I remember right, and I remember it not going well at all. Then I went on some more during junior year and some were OK, but nothing substantial ever happened. I ended up actually meeting someone outside of my college my senior year and ended up being with her for a few months. So I think my record in college was pretty lacking compared to a lot of other guys too. But it's not going to matter in the long run how many girls you were with (why would you want to be with more than one, you're looking for a relationship not a contest to see how many women you can be with), how many dates you went on, what wild thing you did in parties, etc.

 

The reality is, and it's funny to think about, is that I've actually been on more dates after college than when I was there. Everybody has their "peak" I suppose. But again, I don't dwell on that kind of stuff. You're still young and so am I. There's plenty of time to become more like the person you want to be. The thing is, you're not going to be able to change who you are fundamentally, so you might as well start to accept who you are more and try to find your strengths. It sounds like you're having a lot of trouble accepting who you are. You should try and maybe read some self-help books on the subject if you haven't already. Maybe some therapy would do some good too. I know most colleges offer free counseling for whatever. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you, you're just different.

 

You may not be the loud, extroverted man you wish you could be, but that does not mean that there are not women out there who would rather be with someone like you. There are probably many quiet, shy type of women who would love to stay in watch a movie instead of going out getting drunk at parties at your college there. I bet some of them have posted profiles at online dating sites. College is tough. I guess what's really tough about it is that you're just really young and still learning about who you even are in the first place.

 

I remember how horribly shy I was during college. It was awful. I am still the same fundamentally, except not as shy anymore, but the main difference now is that I'm a lot happier about who I am inside.

[purpleduckie]

this is hard to believe but a lot of the time, these parties aren't as great as facebook pictures make them look like. i've gone to a bunch of parties in first year, because i had to. it was done out of social obligation rather than for enjoyment. i only went so people didn't think i was stuck up and snobbish.

 

 

i'm personally just really not interested in partying every weekend and stuff since i've done it in highschool and came to the conclusion that it was a complete waste of time. it's hard for you to believe, i know, they look like they're having so much fun... but it's only fun because they're high, drunk or both. i've been to keggers, crazy parties where there's ridic amount of coke on the table. and trust me, the whole image is really really realllly disturbing, not exciting. waking up and finding people with ghost white faces throwing up cus they're hung over is also very disturbing. it's creepy as hell.

 

 

try clubbing, i prefer that over parties. but even then, i'd have to be drunk or i'll just be bored. i won't lie though, there's a frat at my university and i'm interested in trying it out at least once. i think you should try everything that you're curious enough about (as long as it's relatively safe)... so i'm not trying to deter you from wanting to party... but just trying to tell you that it's really not what it's cracked out to be.

 

most of my bf's have been the social type so they love parties and such, but they all have confided in me saying that none of these people were REALLY your friends. they're just party friends, aka people there to party with... but their friendship have absolutely no substance. on the girls side, it's even uglier. most, if not all, of these girls trash talk other girls, regardless of how close they seem to be on facebook pictures. believe me! i know ALL the dirt on sooo many people and i'm not even really in the party scene.

 

being invited to a party isn't crucial. just show up with some friends. just go to a medium sized/big party, nobody will know or care. there you can witness for yourself how boring and creepy things can be. then you can try and make college experience what YOU want it to be. personally, college is about growing up for me. and for the last 2 years, it's been very exciting.. and comparing to the party life i led in highschool, it's SO much better and rewarding.

[jcrisph]

this made me laugh...most of the girls i know do this. they sleep with each others exs,bf, anything , talk so much crap about each other, but when they are around each other they act like they are all best friends.(obviously being fake)..but in the pictures it looks like everyone is best friends with each other

[purpleduckie]

just an example of how misleading facebook pictures can be. one of my roommates totally can NOT hold her liquor, at all. she drinks a few beers and do a couple of shots... give her an hour and she'll start puking everywhere. it's so disgusting. then she passes out.

 

my other roommate took a pic of her passed out and she proudly posted it on facebook commented "yup, that's how we spent out new years"... and make it out to be so exciting. when in truth, all she did... ALL she did was take pics within that hour and then threw up everywhere and then passed out. fyi, i had to help clean up that puke and wanted to punch her stupid face in for being so dumb.

 

and yet, she "loves" to party and does it pretty much every weekend.

[tom1607307597]

I'm kind of surprised no one got on me for making college life into this fantasy dream world, really come on guys lol. Anyway I think alot of it has to do with the knowledge that my school is a major party school (it's in the top 10 i think), I just thought that college parties would be a weekly routine for me where I could meet people, hang out, etc. My idea was I would drink a little or not at all but still have fun if I went to a party. Of course you have to know people to go partying, sigh I never know where they're at

 

The OP kinda stretched the truth about how I'm feeling. The pictures I saw were of some girl I knew back from freshman year who was in a sorority, and not surprisingly partied alot. The other pictures were of another girl I met during freshman year who was going out with close to a dozen friends getting sake bombs. When it comes down to it, I don't think it's the drinking and getted wasted part that I'm craving, it's having all that company and being surrounded by friends, both guys and girls. I have a few good friends here and there on campus but no where close to a full entourage of friends going out drinking or clubbing. Even if like you said they tend to be not close friendships.

 

 

 

I've heard from friends that the party scene isn't all that it's cracked up to be, but it's hard for me to believe if I don't know what it's actually like. It's like an analogy I was thinking of yesterday: the grass may not always be greener on the other side, but you don't know until you've seen it. As for clubbing, I've tried getting my brother and some friends to go do it but my brother constantly wusses out (no offence meant, he's just on the not so outgoing side) or school comes up; it never happens unfortunately, I'd like to check it out sometime though.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

I went clubbing a few times, I loved the dancing, but the last few times I left pretty angry (I don't even remember why .. alcohol.) So I decided to stop. The other weekend I just got drunk with my bf of 2 years and we sat around doing goofy things and having fun. (we dont drink alot, just a few wine bottles) I can say that was very fun, probably 10x funner than clubbing. I havent really done parties because I go to a CC not a party college.

 

Unfortunately we didnt take any pictures so I can't brag to my facebook friends about it.

 

I agree with the other people that said you should try it once. I will probably go clubbing a few more times, probably to a bigger club than before .. I LOVE dancing.. public drinking not so much (those bartenders spoon feed it to you)