My Thougts Aren't My Own

[sarey]

Oh gosh, grow up.

 

If you are not going to get help for this problem, don't bother posting.

I have many mental health disorders myself so I wouldn't dream of calling you crazy. Do not put words in my mouth or try and assume there is a hidden message in my comment. Mental health problems do not mean you are crazy - nor does seeking help for it. If anything, it proves you are brave for admitting you have a problem and need help.

 

If you are so against seeking help, why did you post on this forum where it's obvious people would post saying to seek it in the first place? Whatever you've got, it's clear you cannot handle it by yourself. So don't you dare judge me so quickly like that. I don't think you're crazy. I'm far from normal myself.

 

I'm out this thread. Bye.

[HellFrost666]

This part of the conversation has been put to rest... But I was on my way out the door this morning and feeling really rushed. I just have one more thing to say about the whole "normal vs special" debate here.

 

I know there is no such thing as normal. There is no clear definition of what normal truly is. But the whole idea that people with mental problems are special and envied by normal people really makes no sense to me.

 

In my case, my problems started very suddenly after a traumatic event. I wasn't always this way. So I've seen it from both sides, and I liked being mentally healthy better then my current state.

[sarey]

For once HellFrost, I agree with you.

[lavenderdove]

Have you ever seen the movie 'A Beautiful Mind'... I won't ruin the movie for you if you haven't seen it by discussing the plot, but it might be worth seeing for you.

 

Regardless, if you might have OCD and these are little fleeting thoughts that don't impact your performance, then it may be safe not to go to the doctor, but cause you a lot of additional suffering. OCD is strictly a biochemical disease that needs medication to treat, and is one of the most treatable mental conditions. So it makes no sense not to get treatment for it, since it is treatable and a medical condition not usually requiring a lot of therapy because it is a brain chemistry imbalance.

 

If you are in the age range of 16-24, there is a chance that this is the beginning of shizophrenia, in which case it will get worse. The episodes will get longer, be more intense, and eventually lead to delusions and hallucinations. If you are in the military, you might be dangerous to yourself and others, and regardless of anything else, need to get treatment and medication if you discover these episodes getting more frequent or intense, or start to get paranoid or have intense hallucinations.

 

Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, and is in most cases treatable such that you can go on to live a happy life. But i think you should recognize that if this is impacting your happiness and ability to perform, you should get an evaluation. The military does have insurance, so that shouldn't stop you. And if it is harmless enough that you can continue to be in the military (mild OCD), it won't affect your career there. If it is shizophrenia or severe, then you shouldn't be in the military in a job that might injure yourself or others, for safety and moral reasons (i.e., how would you feel if you had one of these flashes and was distracted and one of your fellow soldiers killed due to that?)

 

You have to look at the big picture, and deal with it from there.

[NightLily]

Oh please.. schizophrenia is nothing like how it is portrayed in the movies. If you want to talk about impairment of performance and functioning being schizophrenic is just about the worst as there is a rapid decline. There is also usually a noticeable impairment in speech and often jumbled sentences.

 

I really wouldn't be surprised if everybody has experienced what he is talking about but just not with the same frequency. Also Lee, nobody can control all of their thoughts.. that would make them a Vulcan! I also seriously doubt from what you have told me that you are a threat to anybody. I would almost go so far as to say you are "normal." There is a broad spectrum related to each specific mental illness and if it is in no way impairing your functioning, it isn't usually even considered one. Then, it would only be seen as a quirk so to say. If what you have described makes one OCD, then the percentage of people diagnosed would be far greater than 2%.

 

In regards to the comments about you being "b*ts**t" crazy (I didn't read that part in detail), they may have been misinterpreting or projecting their own problems on you due to their experiences.

 

Also, this whole discussion about normal vs mental illness.. I'm just going to have to throw my hat in on that one too. There may be a perception in society now that being depressed (or emo) is "cool." It seems from the time I was a teenager until now it has escalated due to what’s in fashion. Who knows.. But, if most people who consider themselves to be mentally ill or "normal" stepped foot in and inpatient facility for adults and had to stay there.. there would be no disputing what they would want to be. AND I would put down money many of those "ill" people would count themselves lucky and reconsider their self pity.

[sarey]

Your post confuses me... but yeah.

 

The OP needs to grow up. Why would I, someone with major mental health difficulties and disorders, call him crazy? FYI, I have the disorder they may have, so I'd be a complete hypocrite for starters.

[NightLily]

Sarey, I didn't read you calling him crazy anywhere, but that does seem to be how he interpreted something you did say.

 

I also don't see anything that told me he really needs to grow up but maybe should have approached you more gently as he is a man and you are a teenager.

[lavenderdove]

Actually, I do know a lot about shizophrenia because i had a brother in law who suffered from it. He appeared and acted perfectly normal when he wasn't having episodes, and managed his life and there was no disruption in his speech or other obvious signs until he had an episode. Episodes frequently come on slowly, where the thought process gets a little disordered, and they keep it to themselves. They only appear 'abnormal' when in the grips of a major paranoid delusional episode. Shizophrenia is a biochemical disorder, and the thought processes range out of control when the biochemistry gets out of whack. Many can function for years without an episode serious enough for others to recognize the person needs treatment.

 

So it is not obvious to say that shizophrenia is obvious, or that it will manifest itself with disordered speech. I suspect you are speaking from casually reading some information on shizophrenia, not from any personal knowledge or in depth training that a psychiatrist or family member of someone who is shizophrenic would have.

 

The reason i suggest the movie 'A beautiful mind' is to point out that the person in the movie thought his thinking was 'fine' and ignored many signs (and other people ignored signs) that the person was having difficulty and should have gone in for treatment before he became dangerous to himself and others. The movie also taught that people can and do overcome shizophrenia to live a meaningful life, though their own determination and medication. but mental illness is not something that should be ignored or swept under the carpet, as the OP or some other posters feel is appropriate.

 

I am not saying the OP is shizophrenic or has OCD, as the only people who can diagnose that are psychiatrists after evaluation. But if anyone is having episodes where they have sudden flashes like a movie playing or feel out of control of their own thoughts, they need to consult a professional to see if it is just a simple anxiety or OCD scenario, or something more serious that needs treatment.

 

And if the OP is between the ages of 16-24, that is when many mental illnesses, especially shizophrenia, manifest themselves. So if he feels out of control, it makes perfect sense to be evaluated, and any debates here on what is normal or not are just moot points since they may not apply at all to the OP who needs professional evaluation to determine if this is something serious or not.

[NightLily]

If something is serious, a person generally knows. Unless they are really far gone in which case I doubt he would be posting so clearly here.

 

I also understand why he would be weary of going to a therapist as that could be something that affects his livelihood.

[lavenderdove]

Actually, no, most shizophrenics have no clue they have a problem, because part of the illness is that their own internal world makes perfect sense to them. They *believe* their own delusions are real.

 

And for the kind of episodes the OP is describing, he doesn't need a counselor, he needs evaluation by a psychiatrist. Mental illnesses that are biochemical in nature frequently don't require extensive psychotherapy, they require medication. The problem is biochemical, not 'learned' behavior that can be corrected with counseling. Counseling can provide support and help with dealing with it, but it won't solve the problem, which only medication can do.

[Miss Firecracker]

I think this subject is very touchy for some members here. Mental illness is a terrific stigma, no way around it. I read a post a few days ago where a member was explaining their family situation. She summed it up that they don't associate with "crazy people", "no drama". I know it shouldn't cause me pain but it did. I know that our family isn't "normal", whatever that is. If a person says they won't associate with a certain race of people, the sky would fall here. If they say "no crazy people", no one cares. No one wants to associate with the crazies, right?

 

I understand why the OP would hesitate to be diagnosed with mental illness, even though OCD is something most people have to a certain degree. It's only when it starts to interfere on our time that it becomes a real problem. If you have OCD to a certain degree you don't even have to seek treatment for it.

 

And I understand sarey's pain that someone insinuated it's cool to have mental illness and that people desire it to be trendy. That hurt me also.

[NightLily]

^well spoken Firecracker

[sarey]

haha ^^ It's true though, you make an excellent point.

 

And I think the OP does need to grow up. He is attacking me and quite frankly, I am not putting up with that. All I said was go to a doctor. You cannot a) get a diagnosis from a forum b) get treatment from a forum and c) forums can only do so much. We are not professionals. And I'm in the UK, he is in the US. We have different services, different payment methods over here. That's why I said I'm in the UK and he did not state where he was from in his original post.

 

And yes I'm a teenager, but that does not stop me from understanding or going through anything he has or is going through. As I said, I suffer from multiple mental health disorders/difficulties, so I misunderstand why he would at all think I am calling him crazy when I said to seek help. That's just... bizare. But whatever. If he wants to put words in my mouth and find a hidden message in my posts that are trying to help him, fine, but he won't get very far in life doing that.

[NightLily]

Sarey, you are being defensive. I never said you couldn't understand and you do not have to keep stressing your mental illness. He doesn't know you so of course he isn't going to take that into consideration. Maybe he is just very sensitive (understandably).

 

But as I said earlier, he could have been more gentle with you. In person, men don't go on the attack to teenage girls but on the internet the lines get blurred.

[sarey]

I pointed out I myself suffer from OCD, so why would he at all feel sensitive when I am relating to him? Gosh, I'm not being defensive, I'm being attacked when I'm trying to help and relate. If anything, the OP is being defensive.

[NightLily]

I think this is a point of real sensitivity because of his chosen career. There is a long military history in my family and I considered going to the Naval Academy. Because of my diagnoses though, that is no longer an option for me.

[rocio]

To answer your question about whether any of us have experienced such things, I have to a certain extent. If I imagine swing that goes all the way up and around, I can't stop it. It just keeps going around and around in my mind. I also have numbers issues - multiples of 5 plus one. I also need to calculate the middle of the room by drawing imaginary lines from opposite corners. And anything I do with the right side of my body, I also have the urge to do with the left, to even things out.

 

Why are you asking about this, though? Are you looking for some kind of diagnosis? Assistance with getting control of these issues? When it comes to something like this, I don't think there's much you can get from a forum. As others have mentioned, it is only a medical professional that can really help you. Easier said than done, I know.

 

And, while there is nothing cool or fun about having a mental illness, there is an association with genius. Our minds are beautiful things, regardless of whether they are "normal" or work in unique ways. And since there are billions of people out there with mediocre and normal minds, I think that people with unique minds are a huge value-added to the world.

[sarey]

That's not my problem and quite frankly, he should not lash out at me because of this. It's no excuse and I was only saying go to a doctor. If he doesn't want nor can accept help, then he shouldn't have posted in the first place. No one here can tell him what is going on, we are not professionals. He assumed I was calling him crazy, which is completely inaccurate and I'm fed up with people who assume and put words in my mouth. I would not call anyone who has mental health problems crazy, that's extremely insensitive and extremely rude.

 

And regarding his career, well, there is a reason the Armed Forces are cautious about allowing those with a mental health disorder perform in their ranks, and if his willingness to attack a teenaged girl over an issue deemed "sensitive" is any indication of his mental stability, I can't think of why he should be allowed to perform. I thought they were taught restraint and respect, how's this either of those? He jumped on me, attacking me with assumptions that I am some spoiled rich kid, which I most certainly am not, and put me down for suggesting he sought out a doctor. First of all, if he's more concerned about whether or not he'll be able to perform, I have to call into question whether or not he's doing it for himself or for someone else, he's happy to be dishonest about it, and if doing that puts him and others he flies with at risk, then it is clear he does have some growing up to do. We've all got to face the truth someday, can't just pretend like nothing is wrong and the world plays right along with us.

[HellFrost666]

That's not my problem and quite frankly, he should not lash out at me because of this. It's no excuse and I was only saying go to a doctor. If he doesn't want nor can accept help, then he shouldn't have posted in the first place. No one here can tell him what is going on, we are not professionals. He assumed I was calling him crazy, which is completely inaccurate and I'm fed up with people who assume and put words in my mouth. I would not call anyone who has mental health problems crazy, that's extremely insensitive and extremely rude.

 

 

^ He probably knows no one here can tell him what's going on. It's just easier for people to open up about stuff like this online where there's anonymity then in a Doctor's office.

[sarey]

^ He probably knows no one here can tell him what's going on. It's just easier for people to open up about stuff like this online where there's anonymity then in a Doctor's office.

 

 

Well, he obviously knows something is wrong, hence posting. So, if he's willing to post about it, he should be willing to do something about it.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

There is no such thing as normal anyway, so this whole side debate is a moot point.

Yeah, that was my point.

[GeneralLee]

Wow, you folks really had a field day with this while I was away. Well lets get down to brass tacks. I never attacked Sarey. If her interpretation of it came out as an attack, I'm sorry, but that isn't my fault. I merely stated that her comment "What are you doing on a forum, go to a doctor" was a bit brash and insensitive, suggesting that I was somehow wrong to seek the advice of other potential sufferers of my same situation on a forum instead of immediately going to a psychiatrist. I also never insinuated that she was rich, spoiled or that she called me crazy, I was pointing out that I happen to be quite poor, have no insurance, that someone not as understanding as I could have interpreted her comments in a much less helpful light, and that she seemed to take none of that into consideration before posting.

 

There also seems to be some misunderstanding here as to my age and role in the military. I am 20 years old and am not an active member of the Armed Forces. Since completing my vocational training I have had no luck finding employment, though the bills and debt keep piling up regardless. The military represents a fresh start for me, and guaranteed employment for the foreseeable future, as well as training and education that will benefit me in the civilian world.

 

I have suffered from this "illness" for many years now, and never once has it impacted my life in such a way as to cause me any compunctions whatsoever about serving in my country's armed forces. Most of my symptoms are more helpful to me than anything else (compulsive organization, planning, a tendency towards proper grammar).

 

Moosey, how dare label me unworthy. You don't know me. You know nothing more about me that what is written in this thread. Who exactly do you think you are to pass a judgment like that on me? The US military is extremely strict about its entrance standards. Any number of seemingly minor circumstances can be grounds for immediate and permanent disqualification from ever serving; Having ever used an inhaler, had asthma , or yes, visited a counselor or psychiatrist for any reason are all among them. Even if I am unworthy, but you are far from the person to make that decision.

 

Sarey, believe me, I know how much pain and anguish the mind can cause you. I lost my father at 14 and for years my mind was a mess of conflicting emotion and pain. I did the balance of my maturation without a father or any substantial male role-model because, in my mind, no one lived up to my father. I worked, and battled, and fought tooth and nail for every step of progress through my own personal briar patch to come out on the other side what I like to think of as a stronger person, so if I seem a little sensitive when someone suggests to me I need to "grow up", that may be why. I hope you can understand.

 

A little under two years ago, I had a series of epiphanies; deep insights into the workings of my mind and what was causing the stress and anxiety I'd endured for so many years, and it was then that my head really came back on straight. I learned to laugh at life, and take things in stride. To not worry or let stress take me over. To change what I can change and to deal with what I can't until I can change it. It was then that I recognized my symptoms took a major dive in frequency and severity to where they are today. Not much more than a token reminder of my past.

 

I didn't start this thread because I have a debilitating mental condition and am grasping for help, a diagnosis or some sort of treatment. I posted to find out if there were others out there experiencing what I've experienced. If my unique condition was maybe not unique to me, but affected others as well. Someday, circumstances permitting, I may seek professional advice about it. but only if it gets worse, or threatens to adversely impact my life in some way, which it never has, will I seek help before then.

[sarey]

I stand by my words. Grow up.

[sarey]

Yeah, that was my point.

 

Okay, then those who do not suffer from a mental health disorder should consider themselves lucky and I find it offensive people would wish one upon themselves.

[HellFrost666]

^ Sorry to go out on such a limb and say this in public, but Moosey, I think you are someone else here under a fake ID.

 

And Sarey before you get all bent about it, I don't think it's you. Clearly the writing style is not yours.