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My Thougts Aren't My Own


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My title is a little more drastic than the reality of the situation. My thoughts are my own, but occasionally I'll get flashes of thoughts; a picture, a sound, even a simple formless impression of things that I'd rather not go into detail about. These flashes are not thoughts I would normally have, or would ever want to have, but happen nonetheless. They aren't accompanied by a desire or compulsion to act out what is happening in the flash, the reverse is actually true; I find them repulsive or disgusting. I'm bothered by these flashes because I don't control them, they pop up and are gone just as quickly, no more than a fraction of a fraction of a heartbeat. Still, I feel sometimes like I'm not in control of my own mind and I don't like it. An example not related to these flash-thoughts involves me visualizing something as simple as a ball rolling down a flight of stairs. Nine times out of ten the scenario will play out normally, then one time out of the ten things just skew radically and the ball will bounce then take off flying around the room. I have no history of mental illness or instability and none of this has ever impacted my day to day life, but it can eat at my peace of mind from time to time that I don't have absolute control over what happens in my own head. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

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I think I have had similiar experiences. Is it like, an evil thought will come through your head and you will keep telling yourself, no no STOP thinking about that.. But the more you tell yourself not to think about it, the more it keeps fighting to come back.. And then you feel guilty for thinking about it even though you couldn't control it? I think it has to do with some sort of OCD but I am not sure.

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These are recurrent, persistent and unwanted thoughts that cause the person much anxiety/distress.

Besides coming under the form of thoughts, they can also be images or impulses that will repeat themselves and are experienced to be unwanted, intrusive and inappropriate.

The person feels overwhelmed by the obsessions as they seem to intrude in every aspect of their thinking and are very disturbing thus triggering much anxiety and discomfort.

They will try hard to suppress the thought/images/impulses and/or try to "neutralize" them by other thoughts or specific actions.

They do realize the thought to be a product of their own mind, although with children it can be they sense it to be "a voice" that is telling them to do bad things.

The Obsessions and what they stand for are often in harsh contrast with the person's own convictions and beliefs which makes their impact only greater.

Obsessions are accompanied by uncomfortable feelings or wanting things to be done "Just Right".

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Yes, it does sound like the beginnings of OCD. I strongly suggest you see a psychologist at this early stage because the likelihood of it getting better sooner is very good. If you leave it too long it will become worse and you might need to go on medication for it as well as go through intensive therapy.

 

Some tips: treat a thought as just that - a thought. Just because you think something, doesn't mean it's true and it also doesn't say anything about you as a person. Also, EVERYONE experiences obtrusive thoughts every now and then. The key is letting these thoughts come and go without getting too caught up in them.

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I will say that going to see a professional can help but i dont always think thats enough. I would try to learn some stuff about OCD and maybe see that alot of ppl suffer or have it so you dont feel like its just you. Also there are alot of different types of OCD so it can be certain things for certain people. Its also usually brought on or worsen by stress so sometimes just finding better ways to deal with stress or eliminating things that stress you out can also help.

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What's a 'mental disorder'? Something that deviates from the norm.

 

A mental disorder is torture.

If you wish one upon yourself, then I'd say you lack knowledge and you lack sensitivity.

 

But since you're offering, have my 6 odd labels.

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Ok, I wasn't entirely honest in my post about my mental health history. I didn't want to color your judgment one way or the other. I was OCD as a child. It was never diagnosed but I've been through enough literature on the subject to know.

 

It wasn't a debilitating form but it was there. My compulsions came in the form of little internal bets with myself such as touching something or getting somewhere in a certain time frame or under certain conditions. The wagers were usually something pertinent to my life at the time, such as do this and/or you will/won't get an A on the test tomorrow. At one point in my life when my parents were trying to push more active religion on me the bets involved whether or not I'd go to Hell.

 

There were other things too. Organization, numbers, grammar, uniformity; some of the OCD hallmarks. I was compulsively tidy and organized, not necessarily clean, but everything was organized. If one thing was clean, they all had to be clean, of they were all dirty, they could be left dirty; it all came down to uniformity.

 

The numbers end of things was confined mostly to things like knobs and dials such as volume knobs or microwave timers. Everything needed to be in multiples of five. Dials with only hash marks had to be precisely on a hash mark, not in between. If not, I would have a hard time concentrating.

 

I'm not sure if the grammar aspect was/is really a symptom, or if I just despise improper annunciation. It just irks me when people mispronounce simple words like milk as "melk", library as "libary", or pretty as "perdy."

 

I got a PM from a user suggesting to me that I was experiencing Pure O, or pure obsessional OCD. I read up on it and many of the symptoms are strikingly similar to things I've experienced in the past. Thank you all for your help in coming to this conclusion. Hopefully I can help each one of you at some point in the future.l

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I wouldn't be so quick to say this is OCD of schizophrenia. Lately it seems like everybody has some sort of disorder. .. it makes you feel like a joke if you actually do.

 

Ok, I have had this happen to me at well very much so like you described. Are you on any medications? I had been on Prozac and once I stopped taking that medication the thoughts went away. The best thing I found is to not freak out over the thoughts. Just go right back to what you were doing. Otherwise, you start fixating on the thoughts which will most likely only increase their frequency.

 

If the thoughts are violent in nature make sure you stay away from scary or bloody movies. They'll only put images in your head.

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Sorry sarey, but we don't all have the money or insurance to go an expensive mental health specialist every time an untoward thought pops into our heads. And I don't know about Her Majesties Royal Air Force but the US Air Force frowns upon mental illness in its ranks, and I don't want to void my enlistment by pursuing a notion I'm not positive about. So sarey, THATS why I'm on a board instead of at a doctor's office. Think before you speak, I wasn't offended because I knew it was borne of ignorance rather than malice, but someone else might be offended by your commenting that they are so crazy questioning whether or not they need psychiatric help seems elementary.

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I'm in the UK, so excuse me for not even knowing your location when it isn't even listed. Geez, keep your pants on.

And I'm offended what you've said.

I've been seeing mental health services since I was 7. So I suppose I'm "so crazy"?

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The offensive part wouldn't have been the fact that psychiatric help was needed, but that your comment suggested you find me so batsh*t crazy that its searingly obvious that I'm in need of treatment. My location has nothing to do with anything, I'm sure the Royal Armed Forces don't look kindly on mental illness either. Put simply, before you state such an obvious solution to someone with a problem, take a moment to think about why they haven't come to that conclusion themselves. Comments like that can feel demeaning to certain people. Would you answer someones thread about whether or not 200lbs is fat for someone who is 5' 6" by saying "What are you doing on a forum, go enroll yourself in Fat Camp."

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