Biggest Fear: Loneliness

[Chuck_D]

Different people have different fears in life. Financial fears, fears of success, or the lack there of i suppose, fear of the dark, fear of death....

 

My biggest fear in life is being ALONE, in the respect of relationships.... Not having someone to spend my life with is a scary thought to me.

 

May be kind of stupid, especially seeing as i am only 18 haha, but it still effects me. And the fact that i haven't even graduated highschool and that i dwell on this has to be somewhat comedic, but work with me, i AM 50 years old at heart afterall haha [keep reading]

 

I'm not one who just wants to have some meaningless physical relationship, i want a connection, and the results of that have been comedic, but were meant to harm. My ex, which there is a LOOOONG story about... decided to express her distaste for my desires by saying i was 50 at heart... i took it as a compliment, but i realize the intent and not-so-complimentory meaning she wanted it to have.

 

I have become a borderline alcoholic (due to many things, not because of my ex; family things, school pressures, death of friends and family, financial problems), i started to do ANYTHING to get my mind off the these thoughts. All of my relationships, obviously, have failed miserably, and i really don't know why.....

 

Getting back on track, the thought of being an old lonely man who hadn't found true love and spent my life with that person makes me feel cold and distant. The mental image of my funeral, no children, no grandchildren, no family legacy i have left to carry me on..... is depressing.

 

It may be just some stupid thought i have that keeps me wanting a REAL, MEANINGFUL relationship with an amazing woman, but idk.

 

Any thoughts.....? any reply would mean a lot

[Twist Down]

I know how you feel Chuck & i am sure there are quite a few people out there that do as well.

 

Sounds as though you are fairly mature for your age (old man i believe i was the same around your age, i am not much older now, but i have felt as though for a while now, i have been a bit different in terms of how i think.

 

I have a few years on you, i can tell you at your age, i was still very anti-social for numerous reasons, and didn't really open up to people, i don't know if i regret this as that was how i felt at the time and that was the person i was, but i am changing now and looking back i do wander what life would of been like if i wasn't so caught up with my emotions.

 

My first bit of advice is to try stick clear from the bottle. It sounds as though you have suffered, more so than i have, so i can't understand what you have been through. However i have seen the effects of alcohol, firstly on myself personally, and people close to me. Alcohol has cost me significant relationships with two family members, and was the death of two others. Simply, it isn't worth it.

 

Secondly, you are 18 don't worry about these things too much, the feelings you have aren't strange, nobody want to feel lonely, however particularly at your age, have fun, meet new people & be open, don't despair over these feelings and try to take action is i guess what is what i am trying to say. I had shut myself closed to people and it didn't help me one bit.

[Chuck_D]

haha, weird thing about it is i'm a totally social creature, i'm almost always hanging out with friends or family or talking to someone. yeah, my latest attempt at a failed relationship ended pretty harshly when she decided to get engaged w/o telling me when we were still together to a friend of mine and blaming all of it on me hahaha so THAT didn't help much with the whole alcohol thing. overall i think i'm a fairly happy guy, but you wouldn't believe the list of things that happened to me within a month that by themselves would have been a task to deal with

[mr me]

I kinda wasnt so sure what exactly to say because your an self-proclaimed alcoholic but then your saying your happy. I think that from my experience as a youth that i was happy mostly because i kept myself from dealing with alot of the negativity in my life. Its just the sad truth is that you can only do that for so long. Im not trying to scare you or anything but its kinda good to be prepared for things like this because i know i wasnt. Also people that have problems like alcoholism tend to be a different person or show different personalities so i cant say you must feel so happy all the time. I would say with the fear it can kinda be a hard thing to deal with because fears usually dont go away until your shown that it wont happen or you decide that its not worth feeling that way anymore. The whole relationship thing i would be careful for because you have some pretty crazy stories and it must be really tough or sad. I dont know if your over some of it but hopefully its not all causing too much grief. I would see what type of people your attracting and hopefully find those traits that are attracting those type of people and hopefully work on them so you can meet better people. Its also a process of changing yourself so those type of people are attracted to you. I just wouldnt expect too much too soon because its not easy to change especially when you have so many things that can bring you down. I will say that pain can end up being a healer because sometimes that pain causes you to make changes in your life to make it better.