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Will The Pain Ever Go Away?


okapi30

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Hi everyone,

 

I came looking for a forum like this where I could express my feelings about my recent breakup. I don't really want to talk to my friends and family about it because I don't want them to think I can't get over my ex. But the truth is, I can't yet.

 

My ex and I dated for 2 years. He broke up with me in early February of this year. I thought we were very happy and very much in love during our relationship. Yes, we had our down times and there were fights, but all in all, I believed me ex loved me tremendously as did I him. During the 2nd year of our relationship, we spent most of it looking for a home together. He still lived with his parents as did I and I would stay over with him almost every day. After awhile, we decided we wanted our own place. So we spent all of last year looking for a home and finally found one in November 2008. The home had to be remodeled from head to toe and we spent the last few months of our relationship putting the house together from top to bottom including furnishings and home goods. The house was finally ready by the end of January and a few days before officially moving in, my ex told me we were fighting too much and that he had started to feel indifferent towards me and that his romantic feelings were gone. I asked him how long he had been feeling this way (because it completely surprised me) and he told me he had been feeling that way for about 3 weeks. He told something just snapped one day and all he started to feel for me was indifference. I asked him if he wanted to break up and asked him how could he wait to tell me all of this just a few days before we moved into our new home, and he didnt have answers for me. He told me he still had strong feelings for me. He said he didnt know if he wanted to break up. So we left it at that, and didnt break up at the moment. The next morning, all the furniture was delivered to our new home. We spent the week tying up loose ends for the house and spent a lot of time with his family too. We moved into the house that week and slept there for a few days when he came to me one night a week later and said he still felt indifferent and that we had grown apart. I asked him if there was another woman or maybe someone he was developing feelings for and he plainly said no. Eventhough he couldnt bring himself to say it, I said it, I said "Well then it's over", I took most of my stuff and left.

 

Here we are in April 2009 and I am still devastated. My ex has called me a few times to see how I am doing and we've seen each other a few times since the breakup b/c there were a lot of things that needed to be exchanged and squared away in terms of the house, financial issues, etc. so I was forced to see him. Each time we've spoken or seen each other, I have been very pleasant with him because I dont want him to know how devastated I am.

 

I believe he's seeing someone now and this just makes everything so much worse. Although I made a conscious decision to avoid my ex and try my hardest to stop letting thoughts of him consume me, I still find myself feeling completely dead inside. I simply dont understand how he can go on with his everyday life without wanting to see me or speak to me seeing that we were each others' best friends and other halves for so long. This is what I am having the hardest time trying to understand. I feel like I was the only one in ourrelationship, like I never existed to him. And now that here we are 2 months later, and he's already moved on with another woman and putting his love profile up all over these internet dating sites, it just makes me feel so completely sad and empty inside. I miss him so much, I can't stop thinking about him or what we had, what went wrong, what I couldve done to prevent this from happening, and how he can be happier with someone else.

 

I look to my religion for guidance and help and I pray every day that I am given the strength to be happy again, to learn to live again, to take charge of my life again, to care a little less about my ex each day.

 

But anyone who has gone through this, can you tell me how to handle this better? Again, I feel like a zombie just barely getting by each day. I feel numb inside and the tears dont seem to stop. Will the pain ever go away?

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It'll go away. It'll take time, but you can adapt to the mindframe that he doesn't exist. Fill your time with things that you can focus on other than things that make you think of him. Rearrange your furniture, box up anything related to him. It's totally not going to happen overnight, but it DOES get better. You just need to take the necessary steps to help that feeling go away.

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okapi...I am extremely sorry that you are going through this, but I would like to share my story...

 

Yes, I am young, but I've had my share of relationships even at a young age. I dated a girl for 3 years in high school. Absolutely in love with her. People loved us together. We were planning to go to college together. Everything was perfect, until it just ended one day. She became extremely heartless. She would keep in contact with me, just to keep me hanging out. After suffering and feeling bad for myself for about 3 months, I decided that it was time to make a change. I was able to pick myself off the ground and get my life together.

 

I started running and exercising regularly. During breakups, we normally let ourselves go physically and I find a great deal of strength with exercise. Nothing made me happier than to go run 3 miles everyday with my iPod listening to my favorite songs. It gave me a source of empowerment. Even though it was tough to begin my running regiment, it paid off big time. I was able to lose some weight and tone up. Maybe you will be able to try this.

 

Also, you don't attract anyone when you are broken down after a breakup. After healing and exercising, I was ready to move forward with my life. As soon as I made this decision, I started getting a lot of interest from new girls. I dated a few girls and I ended up meeting my current girlfriend totally by chance last summer through friends and have been with her since.

 

You can't look for love. Love will find you. My advice: Take the time you need to heal yourself and get yourself back to the normal. Remember the person you were that originally attracted your ex? Improve that imagine of yourself times ten! Pamper yourself too. Buy new clothes. Summer is coming.

 

Regarding the ex: I would try your hardest not to look at the profiles. Does no justice.

 

Look to God for help. He will always send unanswered prayers to those who wait.

 

Times heals all wounds. God bless. I'm here if you need it

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it will get better

i promise

i am 9 months on and its best to look after yourself and look forward not back

do all you can to get him out of your head

one day it just wont hurt so much anymore

 

i thought i would never recover and i did

u have to believe u can do it and believe in your own strength

 

xxxxxxxx

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OKAPI,

 

I am going through a similar situation and my friends just can't understand how special she was. She left me for another guy and I too can't understand how she can so easily erase memories. Going to the gym is a great idea and take walks during the early evening when love is more likely to find you. I am looking for someone to talk to on the phone about our problem. If you or anyone else is up for it please PM me.

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I'm sorry you're going through this. Most of us here know the pain and heartache that you're going through, so you really aren't alone here.

 

All I can say is, yes, the pain does go away. Nobody can tell you when the pain will subside, but it will. Every person is different--it may take you another week to recover, it may take you another five years to recover; however, the pain will be less and less each day. I'm only 37 days into my breakup, and I'm already to the point of not caring, though I still love the guy with all my heart, it just doesn't matter.

 

Seriously though, you don't want, nor do you need, a man who is like that.

 

Just start doing things you love. And as someone else mentioned, start working out a little each day (it really does help...a lot!!!). Eventually, things will be better.

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It does go away, Its been 8 months since my ex fiancé cheated and left me for another man, I was devastated lost 25 lbs in two months, had suicide thoughs was depressed stayed home all the time, cried every single day, but it took me like 6 months days seemed forever and I just got to the point of not caring, I still think about my ex fiancé but in the way I would think of like anyone I feel nothing no hate no love, just a scar is left.

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It's hard. I am going through a tough break up as well. It's been 8 months since my ex of 7 yrs dumped me for someone else...a girl (she's 18 and he's 30...i must always emphasize this!). The first couple of weeks were the toughest. I felt like I was in the dark all the time. I got depressed, lost a lot of sleep, and I couldn't focus on anything. 2008 ended and I made a promise to myself to sever all contacts with him for my own sanity and healing. Now I'm going on 4 months of strict NC and I can tell you that it does get better with time. I feel better. I am able to focus on what's important in my life. I am no longer obsessing about my ex and his new gf. I just stopped caring about him. In fact I find him so disgusting that I don't even have any feelings for him anymore. HANG IN THERE. The sun will shine again

 

These are the things that I am doing to help me fully recover...

 

1.) Surround yourself with good friends and family

2.) Do things that you love.

3.) Find a new hobby

4.) Take a vacation - travel

5.) Pamper yourself

6.) ENRICH YOUR LIFE

 

Keep yourself busy doing things that matter to you. Don't waste your energy on your ex.

 

TIME HAS A WAY OF PUTTING THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE. Just you wait and see...you will come out on top and be the bigger person b/w you and your ex.

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My bf broke up with me more than 3 months ago. If you asked me a month ago, I would've told you that I can never move on and he was the one and only. But now, I know it's only been 3 months, but I believe I have made a lot of progress. Trust me, I was in your position. I thought I'd never be able to stop thinking about him all day and I'd never be able to stop crying. But now, I don't cry anymore. I'm in such a better place.

 

Just one thing, I know everyone says time heals everything, but you need to have the determination to let yourself heal. It does take time and you won't heal in a day but after sometime, with a positive attitude, you WILL get over this. Just smile

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I FEEL your pain! me and my ex broke up little over month ago, and i started NC again little over week ago..its so hard. The worst part is wondering what the ex is feeling thinking? last i asked my ex wasnt seeing anyone, but who knows. Its hard not to think abuot that sort of thing, but u have to try. It seems ill take a step forward, only to take 2 or 3 back the next day. I cant wait to get over this, and stop feeling this emptiness. One day ill be ok, the next back to being depressed, not wanting to do much, and making myself eat.

Its true its hard to go to people on this, and theres only so much your friends and family want to hear. They all just say, you will get over it, plenty of others out there! They just cant relate, cause its not happening to them! I am lucky to have 2 friends in the same situation, that i can talk to where we can both vent and ask advice. No one else gets it except those currently living it. I wish it was that easy to just turn it off and move on. I tried a date last night, and i know im not ready, for it made me think and miss the ex more. I think my ex is hurt and misses me, or at least misses the addiction and habit of me. I think she is just trying to convince herself shes ok, and right choice, telling herself watever. I really wanted another shot, i dont think that day will come, i really need to get rid of any idea of hope. Can i fast forward a month? please? lol....good luck to you

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I FEEL your pain! me and my ex broke up little over month ago, and i started NC again little over week ago..its so hard. The worst part is wondering what the ex is feeling thinking? last i asked my ex wasnt seeing anyone, but who knows. Its hard not to think abuot that sort of thing, but u have to try. It seems ill take a step forward, only to take 2 or 3 back the next day. I cant wait to get over this, and stop feeling this emptiness. One day ill be ok, the next back to being depressed, not wanting to do much, and making myself eat.

Its true its hard to go to people on this, and theres only so much your friends and family want to hear. They all just say, you will get over it, plenty of others out there! They just cant relate, cause its not happening to them! I am lucky to have 2 friends in the same situation, that i can talk to where we can both vent and ask advice. No one else gets it except those currently living it. I wish it was that easy to just turn it off and move on. I tried a date last night, and i know im not ready, for it made me think and miss the ex more. I think my ex is hurt and misses me, or at least misses the addiction and habit of me. I think she is just trying to convince herself shes ok, and right choice, telling herself watever. I really wanted another shot, i dont think that day will come, i really need to get rid of any idea of hope. Can i fast forward a month? please? lol....good luck to you

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You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or you love someone who doesn't love you back, or worse yet, loves someone else.

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