eightball20 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Hey guys, whats up! I will try and keep this short, but its about my brother in law and my sisters relationship. They have been married for 2 years now, but have been having SERIOUS problems as of late. They live with us and we all get along great however, he has these controlling issues. He came to North America from another country(which is where my family lives,etc..) and the first problem i saw 1st hand was he argued with my sister becuz of her driving, and stopped talking to her, then it was her clothes(mind u she does not dress sexy,etc..) then it was "why do u let the fork and spoon hit your teeth while u r eating...he would extremely overreact to the point of cursing and screaming....he physically shoved her 2 the ground becuz of this and made a huge scene leaving our home, and he went 2 his friends house and slept the night...airing out our business to basically strangers....over how she uses eating utensils!! Then they made up, and no less than 1 week later he got into a fight with her becuz she had a freelance make up gig at a photoshoot, which she told him about the night b4.....and he says u r not allowed to do freelance work ever again... * * * ! And now...bear with me..... he has issues with facebook. He made my sister deactivate her account...she has all her coworkers and school friends on there but becuz he doesnt like it she has to remove her account. They went on a trip met some people and decided that when they come back 2 open a joint account and ONLY,and I mean only add these people that they met on the trip(which is like only 4 people)....a couple of months ago my sister added me, our cousin and her female elementary school friend.....and told him about it......he didnt object or throw a fit or anything. These was about 4 months ago....well last week he logged into facebook and just completely snapped on her....he threw a fit, raising his voice and all that, saying we had an agreement, u broke my trust,etc.. my sister says that she told him, but he says she didnt(mind u he lies extremely well).....what has me worried is he goes to my sister basically its my way or no way...he says wither u do what i say, or u live your life and i do what i want, or we get a divorce.....now he is acting all depressed and miserable...stays in his room all day, barely eats anything, drinks alcohol all day like a friggin alcoholic, leaves the house for hours on end with no explanation...but its not becuz he feels bad its more a feeling like i hate u your making me miserable instead of oh i feel bad thats why i am depressed. Whats making me frustrated is that we were all happy, on the same page, they were happy in love and all that then within a span of 1 week, he has turned into this person i do not recognize anymore...like some schizo dr.jekyll and mr hide type person..the look in his eyes is just completely dif. like hes crazy or something......the ironic thing is he always asks me to search for his old friends on facebook and once remarked to his friend that he wished he had his account but it was 2 much trouble becuz my sister would throw a fit...isnt that ironic......mind u he had an account b4 and was flirting with one of his old g/f''s.......any other girl would leave him by now....back home when they got married he kept stalling the marriage...little did we know he was having a fling with this other girl.....they would text each other..while he was in bed cuddling with my sister....he is extremely good looking and has a rep as a big player. oh yeah he was secretly helping his brother manufacture and sell drugs and only fessed up when he had a falling out with his bro and we caught him red handed.....he has also physically abused her for this situation.......but after all this the thing that is extremely frustrating is he does not communicate at all so that we can solve these problems/issues. We will pour our hearts out to him, to at least tell us what is really bothering him, to get 2 the root of the issue...but its like talking 2 a brick wall.....he will not saying anything...no expression, reaction...its extremely frustrating 4 me. He wont even talk about little things, e.g. when they were good with each other and my sister would come from work and complain or just talk about her day....he wouldnt listen and walk out of the room........like its negative or something.....if she cant communicate with him or confide in him, then whats the point of this relationship.....they have only been together for 2 years and this is the point of no return...its like either change or get divorced.....he is causing un repairable damage out of something so petty its extremeley pissing me off. In the end of this he is gonna be an alcoholic, depressed person becuz of facebook....and if it isnt facebook he will never tell or express himself like me, but just bottle it up inside...something tells me there is other issues that r bothering him which may not even be related 2 my sister...but he wont ever tell my sister anything eventhough they r married. I feel like he is trying to piss my sister off acting like this, or maybe looking for excuses to get her to file for divorce......he has really dissapointed me, i didnt think he was like this type of person....but he is just digging a ditch for himself with every passing day.......ADVICE PLEASE, sorry it was a verrry long read. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 to me, it doesn't sound like facebook is the problem - it sounds like he is a controlling jerk!!! what does your sister think? Link to comment
eightball20 Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 honestly i think she loves him, and i feel like he does..or at least i'd like to believe it...she feels like he is a controlling jerk 2, lol.....and that he is acting out like a little child becuz she hasnt tried 2 make up with him.....becuz she is holding her ground...he is the problem and i dont think he will change becuz of his ego.....honestly it is frustrating our whole family......literally 1 minute he was all fine and normal.....everything was cool like it always has been and then out of the blue he just snapped. what the hell.... Link to comment
miracle29 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Well now while i'm sure facebook is being called the issue, I must tell you it sounds to me like facebook is the LAST thing they need to worry about. She could be in danger! He sounds like an obsessive abusive control freak! I think something has to give here. She may need to get away from him. Screw Facebook when its her face he's screaming in and shoving. Now while I agree he has not right to tell her what to do since she is not his child.....she needs to get some help here. I am so sorry you have to watch her go through this. He sounds like the pick of the litter....NOT! Too bad if you don't have older brothers. If I had my way...My male cousins and older brother...would give him some facebook alright! The only reason the man who beat and abused me is still able to crawl out of bed is because I never told my Twin Brothers or my Dad what he did to me. If I did... Link to comment
eightball20 Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 he is not abusive....where he beats her becuz if that was the case we would kick him out.....he's more psychologically abusive than physical....its just frustrating for me becuz any other girl would have left him a looong time ago. Over that whole drug manufacturing thing.....we caught him red handed..but almost a year has passed and he still hasnt told them the complete truth...she deserved to know what was going on, but he would lie to her face and after he was caught......still to this day no apology or real explanation, becuz he doesnt talk....tight lipped about everything...i am still in shock over his complete 360.... Link to comment
miracle29 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 he is not abusive....where he beats her becuz if that was the case we would kick him out.....he's more psychologically abusive than physical....its just frustrating for me becuz any other girl would have left him a looong time ago. Over that whole drug manufacturing thing.....we caught him red handed..but almost a year has passed and he still hasnt told them the complete truth...she deserved to know what was going on, but he would lie to her face and after he was caught......still to this day no apology or real explanation, becuz he doesnt talk....tight lipped about everything...i am still in shock over his complete 360.... Sometimes..mental abuse is worse....because it last longer. Take it from someone who's been there, got the t'shirt didn't want the winning ball! Good luck with this! Link to comment
Mia_of_Doom Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 he is not abusive....where he beats her becuz if that was the case we would kick him out So you're going to wait until he beats up your sister before kicking him out? Smart, not. Kick his ass out NOW. Link to comment
xSerendipityx Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 You say he is not physically abusive yet he has physically pushed her to the ground. That is physical abuse. It may not be the worst kind of physical abuse, but that is still physical abuse and can possibly escalate as time passes on....especially if he drinks like a fish...or possibly doing drugs? Drug trafficing? Is he still doing it? Are the drugs ending up at your house? Last thing you want are cops swarming your house searching for drugs that aren't yours and innocent people getting arrested etc. I hope there aren't children around. If this is your house hold, kick him out, get a restraining order cause I am sure he will be back in rage...do something before something bad really happens. Talk to your sister prior to kicking him though. She may very well be in denial of all what's doing on in her life. She is an abused victim and I agree with miricle29....she needs help too. I do hope the best for your family. Link to comment
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