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A questions for Christians on here: adultery and word of God.


Luke Skywalker
Adultery in the Bible
Adultery in the Bible

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A sister in the church I go to, and my mom's friend, had contacted me and told me verses in Proverbs that are relating to adultery and said the Lord told her to tell me this.

 

In essence this Proverb is saying that if you play with fire you'll get burned and not to mess around with a married woman.

 

When I asked her about why she brought up this verse -- she maintained that I said something about wanting to see my "female" gym trainer because she inspired me to be at the gym.

 

I'm not sure of her maritial status or if she has a boyfriend, however I look at my training sessions like virtual dates. Even when I'm alone under her program guidance I'm having a great time by myself at the gym. She just assists me with gym weights and practises. However, sometimes she touches my hips (to balance the weights), holds me legs close to her breasts (mid-section exercises), or may just touch other parts of my body with respect to the exercise. This is just a necessary part of the exercise, likely on the same level dancing lessons are.

I talk to the trainer only in terms of health, and nothing is talked about beyond that. It's an asexual relationship at best where I like her as my gym trainer (I even fired another trainer to have sessions with her instead since I felt a better connection with her).

 

I bought a car. I hugged the saleswoman that sold it to me. Was she talking about that? Come to think of it she looked older. Maybe she was married? I don't know. I really liked her and lusted after her the day before. Since she sold me the car I thought it was a good opportunity to release all that pent up sexual energy and just hug her. I felt good riding the nice new car, and hugging that woman enhanced that experience when I first started driving the car.

 

In consulation with my overall policies or agendas, there is no policy or agenda towards going with any married woman that I know about. There was one married woman in particular IN THE PAST, that's talked about in this section, but I do not have an agenda or policy to pursue her. Sometimes I may hug my pillow and think about her, or feel good if she talks to me, but that's it. I would consider playing with fire if I had a purpose within me to deepen or make a connection with her -- and say took her to listing appointments with me, or make a business excuse so I'd be around her more frequently. However, there is no such agenda for that since I already have a long-distance girlfriend who is also my accountability partner on matters like that.

 

Other than that, my life is clean. I hang around boards like "SOSUAVE". Listen to stories of people getting relationships or getting it with girls. I look at it for entertainment mostly and don't really apply anything to it.

 

That verse she mentioned appears in light of my simple and celibate lifestyle to be out of place for her to be quoting it and I'm unsure if this person has issues herself, or how is it I'm playing with fire?

 

So far, I've allowed asexual physical interactions (hugging, cheek-kissing, hand-shake, gym training exercises), to be allowed without triggering any thresholds. (The target married woman in the office may not be hugged or cheek-kissed without disclosing that to my long-distance gf if it happens again).

 

Could it be that my mind is framed a certain way where innocious interactions are amplified like CRAZY, and what could be normal to someone else, may mean something else to me? Is it possible I'm committing adultery by hugging married woman or using a "female" trainer who may be married or in a relatoinship, or hugging my pillow while thoughts of a married woman at the office may be in my head? Or is this woman out of her mind or am I playing with fire?

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Being attracted to the opposite sex is a normal human response. Pursuing someone who's married is immoral whether you are religious or not. It doesn't sound like you're pursuing these women so you're not doing anything wrong. You might want to focus your attention elsewhere though just for the sake of not torturing yourself with things you can't have.

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Thank-you Gratsky. This is very sensitive area with me and such deep areas should be between myself and God. It's much too personal for another woman to raise her nose into it. Another man, maybe, but she's a woman herself.

 

I have never felt the conviction with the Lord in this area of life to be honest, however I am very cautious not to sin.

 

You've a history of becoming involved emotionally to married women. Perhaps it's fitting for that verse.

 

Thank-you. However, history is history. This is the present.

 

So, this verse, is really talking about my "thought-life" rather than any "real" isues in the external world? Beyond my thoughts and emotions (as emotions are often based on what you are thinking), is there anything else in question?

 

I know there are other verses in the New Testament, such as Matthew 5:28, and Philippeans 4:8 that deal specifically with issues pertaining to a holy thought-life. It's a wonder why she would quote from Proverbs when she could have quoted these other verses that are directly relevant to a holy thought-life.

 

The Proverbs verses appear to be talking to a young man, who is married himself, against being tempted to commit adultery with another woman. I would disqualify because I'm not married, and I never did anything with a married woman before other than the seemingly innoscent things mentioned in the above post. Also as another poster correctly stated, I'm not pursuing any married woman!

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There is currently a low-level "Limerance" on a married woman at the office:

 

link removed

 

The defination of Limerance is on the link above. This is involuntary based on the defination.

 

Today, I imagined she was doing an open house somewhere and was looking at Real-Estate signs to see if her name was on it. If she approaches or talks to me, I get excited inside and feel an adreline rush, sort of drug like.

 

However, I repeat, I'm not pursuing her and have made a firm decision about that since January 25 and again on April 2nd.

 

The only way I interact with this woman is incidental. (I.e. if she says hi to me, I'll say hi back, if we cross paths, we may say hi to each other).

 

I really believe this is a normal human response and I'm not pursuing her. I can't control who I have a crush/feelings on, but I can control what I do about it -- which in this case is NOTHING.

 

There is no other "emotional" attachment with any other married woman.

 

In this case, I think that this whole exercise is just bringing back the focus to this married woman rather than putting it under the rug so to speak, if I had already determined I wasn't pursuing her in the first place...sort of counter-productive - that is why it didn't make sense.

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Perhaps you should be more careful about the things you say to people at church, and the way you say them.

 

Clearly you're getting alot of satisfication out of your encounters with your personal trainer, and this came accross through your communication with the woman at church.

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Perhaps you should be more careful about the things you say to people at church, and the way you say them.

 

Clearly you're getting alot of satisfication out of your encounters with your personal trainer, and this came accross through your communication with the woman at church.

 

This appears to be a true assessment of the situation. Thank-you.

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I interact and often speak in a dalliant language with those of my opposite sex. I sometimes even used to "talk dirty" with others, without even knowing anything about their background or whether they are in a relationship already. I have stopped doing this (at least, with women who are elder than me), however, I do think that you have to clearly picture in your mind what your true intentions are.

 

I start talking about sex very openly with women, and I do so for mere information purposes, or to joke. My intention is not to seduce them or actually think of them in that way.

 

However, I think that focusing on your true honest intentions is very important. I feel that if things go out of control, you can potentially give birth to situations such as emotional affairs/emotional infidelity.

 

I think that many of the verses written in the Bible are not fundamentalist dogmas but useful mental training. If you train your mind well and learn to direct your emotions where your mind wants (and not the other way round), I am sure you will be able to avoid adultery

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My true intentions are often filtered in a variety of ways. For example, I have about three separate diaries that are designed to probe into my true intentions and drives. Some amazing stuff on there.

 

There is the Blue book diary -- which filters everything in an 'asexual' light. According to this diary, relationships have to have some health / business / financial / and other issues where sexuality is not involved.

 

For example, if I want to be around this married Real-Estate agent, then I'd send her a personal note and/or invite her to a listing presentation with me, etc.... but that's also filtered out by another diary.

 

The Red book diary dwelves (or appearantly so) to deal with the true intentions that appear under the banner of the 'asexual Blue book' to see if there are any violations. For example, since my current gf objected to associating with that married woman, I wouldn't be able to pursue her without her knowledge (otherwise I would be cheating on her). This particular diary would also sort out thoughts that helped me decide to go after this personal trainer. The Red book, deals with women and love and romance issues under a separate vector.

 

There is a third diary filter I have, which is called the 'Green book diary'. This deals with issues pertaining to autoerotic regulation and issues of sexuality and women (for information purposes). Right now this diary is shut off because I have a gf. When it was on, it would also calibrate experiences with women in scores and average them out. When it was on, like BusyNAbroad, I would allow myself to go on youtube and wikipedia and derive information and experience from third party sources about women and sexuality, or allow myself to go on the sex and romance section here (which is currently self-censored to myself).

 

In summary, if I was trying to get to my "true intentions" the Red book would contain the true intentions about THIS thread's subject matter, while the Blue book would BS those intentions to being in some higher interest (i.e interest of business, interest of health, interest of finances, etc....) - but would give lattitude to the Red book's suggestions for the "motivational energy" that's derived for the purpose of it's own asexual interests and agenda. Sort of like a battery cell. That way both diary books attempt as best as possible to work synergistically with each other.

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Why not try just being honest without triple diaries of various filters?

 

The filters are colour coded to primary colours. When combined they form white light. Most cathode ray tubes operate like that. Sometimes you have to understand things through various filters.

 

I think the Red book diary is very honest and offers defining insights into this thread.

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I am also a Christian & i love the Lord Jesus Christ very much.

 

Sadly to say, there are a lot of people in the church who uses the bible as a form of emotional blackmail. They say that one have to do this & that according to the bible. Although this is true, she has no rights to tell it to you in a rude or even a holier than thou attitude.

 

The 2nd thing is: You yourself knows that if you are making a 'sexual' or 'romantic, advantage on her. If you are, then that verse applies to you well & the one showing it to you might have meant well. If you are not, then you have nothing to worry about. God sees the heart but some humans oinly sees the actions & thinks that it is from the heart.

 

ONly you yourself knows the truth.... and can decide what you want to do about it.

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you sound a bit creepy. I don't know you so don't take my opinion too seriously, but the way you're obsessing and saying stuff like 'hugging my pillow while thinking of her--is this wrong?' disturbs me. I think that because you've been so repressed, it's getting out of hand. just do what is natural to you. my boyfriend would not hug another girl, or get a personal trainer that is a girl. I had to lead him into a massage parlor before he'd try it. he's not touchy feely, especially with other girls, which is fine by me. if he liked hugging people and hugged girls, I'd be alright with it UNLESS he obsessed about it like you are doing in this thread. if he had to constantly wonder if he was doing something wrong, then.... he should stop doing it?!

 

not sure if I made a clear point. but just... be yourself. stop overanalyzing. if YOU feel hugging is asexual then go ahead. although I do think hugging car salespeople is weird, but eh. do you hug males like this? I almost feel like it's emotional cheating.

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Thing is is that in some of his filters it is sexual, in others it fills a platonic need, according to his colour-spectrum diary scheme. It almost comes accross as a way to do something that's against his moral grain without admitting hypocrisy or without admitting being in the wrong. His post history, as extensive as it is, keeps to this tone of over-analyzing until the very action and whether or not it's right or wrong becomes lost allowing for no ultimate lesson to be made, just data he has filed away. This kind of amorality (NOT immorality) would be fine if it weren't for his insistence of being a religious person driven by morals and bemoaning conflict.

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Thing is is that in some of his filters it is sexual, in others it fills a platonic need, according to his colour-spectrum diary scheme. It almost comes accross as a way to do something that's against his moral grain without admitting hypocrisy or without admitting being in the wrong. His post history, as extensive as it is, keeps to this tone of over-analyzing until the very action and whether or not it's right or wrong becomes lost allowing for no ultimate lesson to be made, just data he has filed away. This kind of amorality (NOT immorality) would be fine if it weren't for his insistence of being a religious person driven by morals and bemoaning conflict.

 

That was the reason why i said only HE himself knows whether it is sexual or not. Also, only he himself can decide whether to keep pretending or else do something about it.

 

It shows one thing: hopefully he has a good conscious & hopefully he knows what is then the right path to take.

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not sure if I made a clear point. but just... be yourself. stop overanalyzing. if YOU feel hugging is asexual then go ahead. although I do think hugging car salespeople is weird, but eh. do you hug males like this? I almost feel like it's emotional cheating.

 

I hug my mother occasionally like that. I think I subconciously like feeling a woman's breasts pressed against my chest when I hug her. Perhaps I am getting too much satisfaction in certain instances. If you are getting a disproportinate amount of satisfaction, then what is that? I may feel a soul-tie with someone I have hugged or something of them rub off on me.

 

But the hug-style is brief in the cases and wouldn't be something that I would consider "adultery" or a sexual sin. I have not hugged anyone as of April 2nd (except the car salesperson - but that's in the context of the transaction) -- a date that I made a commitment in writing on the Red book diary to a girl (and am therefore accountable to her and can not 'emotionally cheat' on her). Therefore, I don't feel I'm emotionally cheating with anyone, or my gf would know about that if it were the case since everything is disclosed to her.

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I hug my mother occasionally like that. I think I subconciously like feeling a woman's breasts pressed against my chest when I hug her. Perhaps I am getting too much satisfaction in certain instances.

 

Okay, Luke, there are some things I think you need to hear.

 

I've read many of your posts on this forum over the course of time and many of them are not normal. What concerns me the most is your relationship with your mother. I think that you need to get some professional, unbiased perspective because you mother knows WAY too much about your personal life and, I'm sorry if this offends you, but I think that some of her ideas are abnormal and unhealthy.

 

I'm genuinely concerned about you, your thought processes and your relationships. The fact that you and your mother sit down and discuss which sex toys you should be using, in accordance with the Bible, is shocking. I understand that you want to do what is right and your faith is important to you. That's commendable. However, some of this stuff borders on very inappropriate and unhealthy and I think you should consider talking to a professional.

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I think the primary issue of this thread is resolved and the church lady's suggestion is dismissed as emotional blackmail or not relevant with my life-situation. I should be careful to what I say to people and how I say things.

 

I agree with velvette that perhaps to some degree I am repressed and therefore my thoughts, attitudes and behaviour will seek outlets for relief or expression since there is no vacuum in nature.

 

To set the record straight, my mom has not encouraged me to use a sex toy, and discourages it as she is not comfortable with it. As of March 29th, the sex toy was placed back in the basement based on the arrival of my long-distance girlfriend (who now returned back to Brochete) and will remain in the basement from now forward.

 

If my mom is really too close to me in my life, then what do you expect a therapist to say to a 33 y/o repressed guy? To move out of the house and book a good escort for a couple of hours (just joking about the last part) to deal with "repression" issues. Even a Christian therapist will recommend moving out. As long as I am in this home, my mother has the trumph card.

 

I don't need to pay someone to give me obvious advice. Due to economic issues I'm not moving out of this home.

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Okay, you're not going to move out. I get that. Could you please answer a couple of questions first though:

 

1. Do you feel that your relationship with your mother is inappropriate?

2. Do you feel that your thought processes are healthy?

3. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?

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Okay, you're not going to move out. I get that. Could you please answer a couple of questions first though:

 

1. Do you feel that your relationship with your mother is inappropriate?

2. Do you feel that your thought processes are healthy?

3. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?

 

1. Yes.

 

2. Eccentric, but healthy.

 

3. Never been diagnosed. Just think I'm bit eccentric in my thought patterns and/or personality, that's all.

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Yeah, I think you're eccentric as well and I really like that. Who wants to be normal, right? I have extremely eccentric thought processes as well, I'm just a bit more functionally eccentric than you are. In other words, I hide it better.

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