another question about NC

[FriendnorFoe]

Hello, for those of you that know me from other threads I have employed NC with my ex for around 5 weeks now. I starting to feel the positive benefits from NC, at this point I see its "the only decent thing to do" as Siberia put it, basically its that or beggin' and pleadin' which I really dont consider an option but a death sentence so I dont think I wanna be going there. NC has allowed me to reflect on much, the realtionship, where it went sour, myself, where I changed, who I am, I originally did it because people said it was a good way to get your ex back, that then changed so I could focus on myself and own life, NC is stated to be all about yourself and just breaking away from her to live your life, I understand this I just feel it, I just question the reasoning it might be helping whatever might be salvagable with your ex. Sure I dont wanna call her up and whine, I know this will push her away, but I dunno I feel like NC is pushing her away just as equally just in a more amicable fashion, Is this what it is all about? Are people just BS'ing when they say it also can help your break up sitution? Are they just sugar-coating or giving you training wheels to move on by telling you this? When someone breaks it off with you, thats a firm decesion, and the right one in their mind, I have heard that after enough time they will stop having negaive feelings for you and reflect on the good times, well maybe if they are sitting in their room al day but I feel like they will grow accustom to a lifestyle without you, adapt, they have things to do in their life too, especially if pride kicks in and it becomes a matter of sticking strongly by their decesion and not caving . I think people tell you not to have hope not because there is only a chance of reconciliation, its because there is little to no hope of reconcilition, perhaps every one that gets back together is just freak chance, below 1 or 2% margin, dont mean to be so pecemistic but am I being realistic too?

[cl76]

Hey Friendnorfoe,

 

I have no doubts that NC was the best thing ever to happen to me after the break up. I broke up with my gf on March 12. That's pretty close to when you broke up as well.

 

I've done a lot of stuff since then. So much so that I don't care about reconciling or not. Great if it happens, great if it doesn't - I've got options. I think NC allows you to get to this point and that this state of mind is actually critical to winning the ex back.

 

So tell you what, after I get back from my tropical holiday next weekend (roughly May 2nd) I'm going to call my ex and arrange to meet her. Then I'll let you know what happens. We'll put the theory to the test.

[ScorpiGal83]

Yeah I was doing pretty well with NC and feeling fine about my 3-year relationship ending until last weekend - Friday evening to be exact. I started feeling really crap, and I have barely managed to pull myself out of this funk.

 

I just feel I'll never meet someone who understood me as well as my ex did, and who connected with me on such a level. How could there possibly be someone out there who is able to do that, other than my ex? Everything I do and say, the person I am today, is largely because of him. I am happy with who I am, I can say I prefer myself now than before we met but... that's the thing. HE helped shape me the way I am now and... I wish we could have lasted forever.

 

Gah. A week ago I wasn't feeling this way at all. It sucks!!!

[jasav1]

I think you can argue it both ways and you make some very valid points, points I have considered myself.

 

But at the end of the day, she broke up with you, as my girlfriend did with me. They lost the right, gave up the right to have anything to do with your life. They now have to do the chasing, and they will, in time if you meant anything to them - whether that be to get back together or just as a really close friend, who knows?

 

NC probably does help them too, no doubt about it, but it helps you a lot more. If you were around her all day and still contacting her etc you wouldn't get over the relationship you had or that person, you'd be stuck. By doing NC you give her space, you give yourself space. She goes off feeling this sense of space, but hopefully (unless the girls really cold), a sense of loss too, they will miss you, the way you miss them. Right now, I've accepted we're over but I miss her as a friend more than anything, someone to hang out with and watch movies etc. I know she will be missing that too. It sounds easy to replace, but it's not really.

 

I doubt my girlfriend will come back to me, this is something she needs to do, have some space, live a little. But I guarantee she's missing me, because she's a lovely girl and we had a very good relationship, it was just one of those things - different stages of our lives.

 

NC is for you, it's the best way to get over her, move on, and I guarantee you will be telling your friends in years to come when they break up with their other halves that it is too!

 

If she doesn't miss you mate, it's not meant to be. She isn't the girl for you and there's someone a heck of a lot better out there for you, who will give you the love you deserve.

[pace of ace]

Having spells of depression or feeling like cr@p is all part of the process scorpigal. Don't give yourself a hard time over it and let it run it's course 'cos in a day or two i bet you come out the other side with a more positive frame of mind.

 

Stick with what you're doing 'cos it's all for the best for you.

[Dante09]

As we all know NC can feel like hell.

 

If you're going through hell....keep going!

 

You will reach the other side.