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Guys: what determines that you want to be exclusive with a girl?


enchanted771

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When you know that you really like her and don't want anyone else to be dating her.

 

It depends on the relationship: If you see each other almost everyday then it can be assumed you are exclusive. Other times, you ask the girl/guy if they want to be exclusive, which is usually what I do.

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When there is no remaining doubt

 

that seems kind of advanced... in my book exclusivity means you want to concentrate on getting to know that one person and not date others.. while you agree to not see other people.. it's not a commitment... I guess for me this is the time to get to the point of no doubt

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that seems kind of advanced... in my book exclusivity means you want to concentrate on getting to know that one person and not date others.. while you agree to not see other people.. it's not a commitment... I guess for me this is the time to get to the point of no doubt

 

hmm, words to consider, I guess I just don't want to go into a relationship with a bunch of "what ifs" on the brain.

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that seems kind of advanced... in my book exclusivity means you want to concentrate on getting to know that one person and not date others.. while you agree to not see other people.. it's not a commitment... I guess for me this is the time to get to the point of no doubt

 

If 'exlusive' isn't a commitment what is then? I agree that it excludes dating others.

 

But what makes or is the 'commitment' ?

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That is what is so confusing to me. i maybe should have waited until 5 dates. our dates were pretty sporatic plus we talk everyday so it seemed ok. we both asked each other what we both were looking for. we enjoy talking, seeing each other, and want it to continue. so we agreed that we want to get to know each other better.

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That is what is so confusing to me. i maybe should have waited until 5 dates. our dates were pretty sporatic plus we talk everyday so it seemed ok. we both asked each other what we both were looking for. we enjoy talking, seeing each other, and want it to continue. so we agreed that we want to get to know each other better.

 

its probably different for each situation.

 

I had 4 dates over 4 weeks. I saw him once a week, for no more than 5 hours at a time. We spoke online every few days for few hours and texts. Before meeting we spoke practicually every day though. We also spoke before we met what we were looking for. he wanted a partner. he wasn't looking for 'casual fun'. neither was i.

 

Whats the duration you've had the 5 dates in? over 5 weeks, over 2 months etc?

 

Did you ask this guy if he wanted to be exclusive? Is that what you meant by 'should have waited'

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The dates were over 2 months. told him i wasnt seeing anyone else and took it from there. was waiting to hear that dreaded i am not looking for a relationship answer. i straight up told him i am not looking for fwb.

 

Has he tried to arrange anything with you in between those dates? 5 dates over 2 months.... are you both really busy?

 

This might be too personal, but are you sleeping with him?

 

Even though you told him that, he could easy lie. But, if you worried about it (which is seems like you are), i would go and speak with him and ask him in a fairly casual but blunt way (some guys dont get hints!) and see what he wants, or what he thinks you two are.

 

You've seen him for 2 months. Depends how long you want to keep doing it with out knowing for sure. If you speak with him, be prepared to hear an answer you might not want to hear. But, in the end, at least you wouldn't have wasted months in between and fallen harder.

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Yeah that was before but we talked and decided to see each other more reguarly. we had the talk already. i already asked what he wanted to happen between us, and we both gave the same answer. i just saw him again so things are progressing.i know guys can lie, but i dont want to go into this relationship with him not believing him.

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If 'exlusive' isn't a commitment what is then? I agree that it excludes dating others.

 

But what makes or is the 'commitment' ?

 

ok it would be a commitment to not date anyone else.. but not a 'I will be with you forever and ever' commitment. When I think exclusive.. I think... I like this guy enough to not date anhyone else and to concentrate on him... but once I do and say three weeks into it, I decide, eh, he's really not for me... I don't have this heavy bond to break... I know I'm not making much sense.. but like it's easier to get a divorce after 6 months of marriage, as opposed to 15 years of marriage.

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ok it would be a commitment to not date anyone else.. but not a 'I will be with you forever and ever' commitment. When I think exclusive.. I think... I like this guy enough to not date anhyone else and to concentrate on him... but once I do and say three weeks into it, I decide, eh, he's really not for me... I don't have this heavy bond to break... I know I'm not making much sense.. but like it's easier to get a divorce after 6 months of marriage, as opposed to 15 years of marriage.

 

na i get what you mean. Its a promise but not a life long promise thats probabably more 'marriage' - with of course the idea at the beginning that its going to last!

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Yeah that was before but we talked and decided to see each other more reguarly. we had the talk already. i already asked what he wanted to happen between us, and we both gave the same answer. i just saw him again so things are progressing.i know guys can lie, but i dont want to go into this relationship with him not believing him.

 

oh well thats good then. Keep that up. keep it fun. Try to get the negative thoughts out of your mind and worrying about where it will go, all the 'what ifs' cos that in itself can and will destroy it.

 

live your life still, dont let your world become him, but still maintain and show interest. keep it fun and exciting and jsut see where it goes.

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Well, i have thought about it and the reason he hasnt brought it up was because i did after the 2nd date. we both agreed were only sleeping with each other, and were gonna see where our relationship goes. its just that he is still worried that i might hook up when i go on vacation. do i just need to be more direct and tell him that i am only interested in him?

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I agree with keeping it fun but to me a sign of long term potential is when it's fun just to be together - fun conversation, and seeing the fun in whatever you're doing. It's not a bad thing to come up with traditionally fun things to do - and probably a good thing - but it shouldn't require too much jumping through hoops or feeling like you have to be "on" all the time.

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