Tarkan Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I was meditating about something a few minutes ago: The only aspect of my life where I feel less happy is love. Because for some reason I feel the need to be connected with a special someone. Because I want someone to share my stories and adventures with, someone that understands me and someone I can listen or talk to. Maybe it's also greed. Because one wants it all, yet doesn't have it. Anyway, when I aint chasing someone, when I don't feel the sparkles inside, I am quiet happy. I am happy doing what I do every day. May it be sports, drawing, studying, going out, ... HOWEVER When I am confrontated to love, women, relationships or other related things I usually feel even more unhappy then before. Maybe it's because I still have alot to learn on the matter but usually I end up heart broken or frustrated. In fact, I'd rather stay locked inside my house, inside my little dreamworld. even tough I won't have love, I can at least contemplate it. But then again I have the feeling that something's missing ... and I go on the search again. I don't know what it is. You seek something but once it stands in front of you, you don't feel good or aren't happy with it. But once you get rid of it you want it again. I don't think it's fear or confidence. I feel good enough around women but I am just upset with the results of love. When I look around me I wish it was different then the bitter reality we live in. I feel very confused and can't get my toughts straight ! Link to comment
Mia_of_Doom Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Just from the way you type, it sounds like your behavior is scaring women off. It's a lot of pressure and just creepy to hear a guy talk so seriously about love when you first meet him. Just don't think about it so much and don't take it so seriously. Make dating casual and fun. Love will come when the time is right. Link to comment
Tarkan Posted April 19, 2009 Author Share Posted April 19, 2009 Just from the way you type, it sounds like your behavior is scaring women off. It's a lot of pressure and just creepy to hear a guy talk so seriously about love when you first meet him. Just don't think about it so much and don't take it so seriously. Make dating casual and fun. Love will come when the time is right. I've never been on a bad date because I made the best out of it and I've always found a way to entertain the women I was dating. Just to say I ain't as creepy or scary as you might think ( I don't know if you can base such statement just on how someone writes ). Well I don't see why I should be like everyone else. I have my own conception of what love is. Even tough I know what it is, I have trouble with what to expect from it. The point is not that I can't find love The point is that it makes me sad. Being in love brings alot of trouble for me. It might sound strange but it disturbs my troubleless life. It's like being happy and sad at the same time. Maybe it's because, like you said, I think too much. You're not the first that said that to me in fact ^^ But isn't thinking normal ? I see alot of love related things happening around. Some of which I agree or disagree with. Sometimes I see touching things, sometimes disgusting things. So it makes me think Link to comment
Tarkan Posted April 19, 2009 Author Share Posted April 19, 2009 but get out of the 4 walls first I do alot you know ^^ Sometimes I just wonder if it isn't better to stay in between them instead of getting out. If you love yourself wouldn't you avoid things that make you sad ? Link to comment
Tarkan Posted April 19, 2009 Author Share Posted April 19, 2009 yes, but you have to get out of your fantasy world as you call it...not to mention, you keep perpetuating this "missing love" part...so you veil your world in it like doom said..don't worry about it, it will happen, stop looking/thinking too much of it... I've always been told that one should pursue his dreams. I don't think it's bad Maybe you are right about the part where one should stop thinking and worrying. But isn't it a good thing to give your dreams a place in your mindset. Something you use as a guiding line for your actions ? Link to comment
Tarkan Posted April 19, 2009 Author Share Posted April 19, 2009 you're constantly having that concept in the forefront of your mind, instead of just being you... I'd rather say that the problem is that I am being me xD Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I don't know if this is exactly what you mean, but I'll take a stab at it. For me, I want to be with someone. I want to be in love. But I've been single for a year and haven't had any good luck. When a guy comes into the picture, it starts the whole saga of "does he really like me or not" and the ups and downs and trying to figure it out. You can be insanely happy one moment and down the next. But when you've been on your own for awhile, you forget about all that and can just be happy. Sometimes I'd rather just be single and not have the drama of dating so that I can just be consistently happy. But then I want the love and companionship of a relationship as well (not with just anyone of course), so I continue to try to date. Vicious cycle. Link to comment
Tarkan Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 You nailed it ^^ Geez I wish I was better at english, sometimes I don't find the right words to explain something. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 It's alright. I'm a social worker. I explain people's emotions for a living haha. Anyway, I know exactly how you feel. All I can say is that it's worth the ups and downs to find the right person. And if it doesn't end up happening, just make sure you're happy with yourself and the life you live. Link to comment
EQD Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 i think you may just be afraid to open up and accept being hurt again. i went through this, and what you feel isnt love. its reservation and fear mixed with 'like'. but you cant truly feel what love and connection is with reservation. you cant swim in a pool if you only dip your fingers in it, afraid you will drown. You cant then say 'i swam' or 'i dont enjoy swimming' because what you are doing isnt swimming. You are feeling what most of us do after we've been burned. exactly how you said "I'd rather stay locked inside my house, inside my little dreamworld. even tough I won't have love, I can at least contemplate it. But then again I have the feeling that something's missing ... and I go on the search again." Because you are torn between wanting and reaching out for the opportunity to love, but you feel safe where you are at now. risking nothing, dealing with no painful variables. Love is risk. you cant have one without the other. You cant have someone close to your heart when you have a sheild over it. When you are ready or when you want it bad enough, you can make this happen for you as i did. It IS scary. it IS hard. But what i couldnt see where you are now is that it really ended up being rewarding. Link to comment
EQD Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 But yes. the true irony of love is that to feel its highest highs you must also accept the lowest lows. no love without pain. Link to comment
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