My Life

[iknowhowtolove]

I wish I could be happy and not feel the way I feel. I just want to help others and animals. But, how can I do that when I can't even help myself. I'm only seventeen and I'm already tired of living. I've got all this feelings inside of me. I cry and suffer not just for me but for others. It hurts me to see others suffer. I feel kinda lost and I don't know what to do with my life anymore. My heart still hurts a lot because of what he did to me. I don't even want to say his name. I can't even go out because I'm afraid to look at the places we use to go to. I'm afraid to see him with that girl he likes. It hurts to know he dosen't love me anymore even though we were together for 3 years. It's so hard to let go. But I know I have to be strong because I know I'm here in this world for a reason. I know my family needs me and if I were to be gone then they would suffer so much. Especially, my mom because she lives for my sisters and I. I wish I could have faith. I use to have faith and it used to be strong. I changed a lot. I don't even why I was with someone who only treated me bad. And how can I still have feeling for him? I want to share my story with other girls my age. Tomorrow, I'm going to see him again. I see him everyday at school and he is in four of my classes and he sits next to me in one of the classes. It's so hard but I will not talk to him anymore. He hurt me so much and he dosen't even care. But I'm just so tired of everything. I feel weak today and drepessed. I'm scared of not being able to forget him. I just want to be strong so that I can help others.

[iknowhowtolove]

I feel so tired and stupid. I always end up doing something with my ex boyfriend. Everybody tells me that I need to stop doing this but I don't. I ended up having sex with him. I still have feelings for him and I wish he felt the same. He does not love me anymore and that hurts like hell. I don't know what to do anymore. Plus, I'm worried about tomorrow I've gotta do speech tomorrow infront of the class and I'm nervous. He is going to be there so that dosne't help. I'm so tired.