FWB... what do you think?

[hamlht]

I have just resumed a FWB (Friends with Benefits) relationship with one of my closest friends. It's been on/off for nearly five years and we're now in our late twenties.

 

This weekend we've had a slip up with a broken condom and I'm at the most fertile point in my cycle. Hopefully the morning after pill will sort things out but it left me pondering what I would do if I did end up accidentally pregnant by him - and questioning our "relationship"

 

From the pregnancy point of view I am fairly certain that I would choose to keep the baby. As my sister and two of my close friends are adopted I don't see that as an option, because of their experiences, but also because of the impact it would have on those relationships - and realistically I don't think I could carry a baby to term and then give it up. I don't see termination as a valid option either. When I was younger it would have seemed reasonable. But I have a steady job, a reasonable sized flat which I live in alone and family nearby. I think I would find it incredibly difficult to live with myself if I gave up on a pregnancy because it would be purely selfish.

 

However I know that he would want a termination. His plans for his life don't feature children for a good few years.

 

It does make me question whether the FWB still works. If he was ever up for it I would love to give a relationship with him a go, but I accept that he's male and for him it's sex without the romantic attachment though he does care for me as a close friend. I know the answer is that I shouldn't be sleeping with him anymore, but I figure I've already landed myself in this deep, I'm probably going to get hurt at some point or other (though I did cope surprisingly well with his last relationship and accepted that we might never have sex again) so I might as well enjoy the amazing sex when I get the chance.

 

Just interested to hear anyone elses experiences and opinions about FWB...

[enchanted771]

I could never handle a fwb. i get emotionally attached. i think with fwb someone always ends up hurt.

[tulipsfav]

I could never handle a fwb. i get emotionally attached. i think with fwb someone always ends up hurt.

 

I have to agree with enchanted. I would not even consider being in a fwb relationship. I would get to emotionally attached. Also i feel that i would could not sleep with someone that i wasnt in a relationship and emotionally involved with.

 

Dont get me wrong though i would never judge anyone of their decision for a fwb relationship.

 

Just not for me.

[lavenderdove]

this relationship is just wasting your time. You're in your late 20s, so why aren't you spending your time looking for a real relationship rather than a FWB situation that is going nowhere?

 

It is like eating a lot of junk food.. it takes the edge off your hunger, but it is not really nourishing and empty calories. FWB is empty too in its own way. It like taking crumbs when you need a full course meal, and it distracts you from your real goal, which is finding someone who loves you as a person not just someone taking some easy sex until they find someone they really love.

 

I also think that if you have an honest discussion with him and tell him that if you get pregnant you intend to keep the baby, it might resolve this situation and put an end to the FWB... if he doesn't want to be BF/GF with you, he certainly doesn't want a baby with you either.

 

The fact that you want a real relationship with him is a big red flag... you shouldn't be 'coping' with him having a girlfriend, you should be looking for a real boyfriend of your own and quit wasting time with someone who is not interested in you in that way. If you're in your late 20s, you need to start looking for a permanent man now before your child bearing years run out, since fertility starts to drop off a bit after 30, and a lot after 35.

[OrangeMoon]

have you taken the MAP already?

 

Once you get your period again..i would end this relationship. End it while you are ahead..and go find yourself a guy for the whole package deal.

 

- I was in a FWB, but ended it because the benefit was only on his side ;-). I am able to have FWB but only with guys i am not that attracted too..sexually yes..but on other points ..no. I would never keep a baby if i would have the misfortune of getting pregnant this way. I would like my child to start its live with 2 loving parents..not one or at least come from a father i actually loved.

 

i Have now decided to go for the package as well..i am done with the fwb-nonsense