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i had chances, and blew them...

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so to cut a long story short, my 2 year relationship with my ex ended in december, over the course of our relationship, we spent so much time together, she practically lived at my flat and then i moved in with her for about 8 months. we drifted apart from friends and she lost friends to university but we were so happy with each other that nothing mattered. however, i made idiotic choices, i was unemployed for about 8 months, i have recurring bouts of .....well, i used to think it was anxiety but i think i have motivational issues. i should have been working to provide for my girlfriend and knew i should have but just couldn't? anyway, i'm now in a steady job but we've going in different directions, i was going to go travelling with her but cant afford it and now have to pull out. she's sent me an email pretty much saying that she will never get back with me, and that we should drift apart a bit. now i havent gone into much detail about us as a couple, but before i quit my job, before i had a bout of anxiety and lack of motivation, we were great, i thought she was the one, she thought i was the one, But now that has changed. there is an age difference between us, she's 18 and i am 24. i can understand why she wants to be free and single. I just want her to go travelling and allow me to travel over there to see her when i have the money, but i think i'm being smothering, and this word has been used a few times lately, by her about me!


so i wasn't perfect, my apathy probably ended this relationship, despite thinking to myself that she was the one.....i just can't imagine loving someone like i love her.....i'm even praying to myself that she finds someone over there so that i know she will be safe and not travelling through asia alone....i guess i just want her....


i feel pretty empty now that i know she's leaving the country next month, for about 10 months. i just dont know how to feel or what to do with myself.


i'm sorry for the lack of paragraphs or punctuation, but i'm not enjoying these thoughts so i'm trying to get them out as quickly as i can!


anyone been there and done that?

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I had a bf one time that lost his "motivation". When I was done with him, I was DONE with him. Lack of ambition is the biggest turn-off for many women next to bad hygiene. You really blew it, sir.


Let me be the first to say it, that is really harsh & not helping the guy in the slightest.


OP - you have several factors working against you from what I have read.


1. Her age, not yours, but hers. She is very young

2. Your own issues that YOU need to overcome without her being by your side


If you do step back, let her do her own thing and focus on making your life better, sort out a job etc and have contact again at a later date then you never know what life has in store. But, for now, you need to let her go bud.

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I'm sorry about your situation. I've been accused of the same sort of thing and I've found that it only adds to the confusion and anxiety. I'm not sure if motivation issues are something that all people go through to some extent, and I'm not sure that it's *fair* for someone to make the decision to not be with you based on something that is presumably temporal, but what I am pretty sure of is that it's merely the result of an evolutionary mechanism (this "turning on" and "turning off" of things) that women have been endowed as the executors of. Nothing personal. The good news is that you're not dead, and the experience in itself will have made a difference in you.

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