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A chance for no-contact to end. But what do I do?


Pinstripe

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Hey everyone!

 

Here's the condensed version (so you don't have to skim through the whole post to understand what I'm talking about):

 

Four months ago a close friend started avoiding me; she blocked me, then didn't reply to sms's or calls except once in order to tell me I was being overwhelming. Shortly before completely avoiding me she made a Facebook account. Another friend suggested I add her as a friend there so I did. She never confirmed the friendship (though she visited the website a lot), then suddenly today (after four months of no contact) she confirms me as a friend. My problem is I don't know what to do now. She didn't send a message or write on my wall or do anything except confirm the friendship on Facebook. Should I casually send her a message over it saying "hi, how have you been"? Should I wait until she does? Should I address the issue of her avoiding me? Should I pretend it didn't happen? Thoughts, comments, anything else? Please don't hesitate to speak your mind.

 

Some more details:

 

I've known her for years and she's avoided people in the past whenever she felt uncomfortable about the friendship (e.g. a friend developed feelings for her). She avoided me for a while some years ago but we both put that behind us. I had thought we were close enough for it not to happen again, and when I first noticed her avoiding me I tried to encourage us talking about it, but such encouragement (in the form of an email) only made things worse.

 

I don't think I was being overwhelming and I suspect the reason for her avoiding me was something else. If it sounds like I spammed her with calls and messages, I didn't. Summing up a few months of communication into a paragraph has that effect.

 

I know that her not adding me on Facebook wasn't an oversight; She'd added a lot of mutual friends. I found out, accidentally, that she'd been blocking me when a mutual friend mentioned her being online.

 

I do want to reestablish the friendship that we used to have. If it's best for me to let go of the friendship that's something I have to decide on myself. I don't know if we've changed too much in the meantime for a friendship to work again. Only one way to find that out.

 

It might sound like I have feelings for her but I don't. I'm only after (a slightly more stable version of) the friendship we used to have. We were able to talk to each other about almost anything, and I don't have other friends I can relate to as well or whom I can talk about sensitive topics (the sort you'd see on ENA) with.

 

I know there are some other details and questions I've forgotten so if I remember them or if anyone wants me to go into more detail about something I'll post again.

 

Thanks everyone, hope to hear from you!

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If I were you, I'd probably wait a couple of days to see if she does end up sending you a message or writing on your wall. If this doesn't happen, then I'd send a message to her, at first just saying "hi, how have you been?", to see if she responds and how she responds. Maybe she'll tell you why she cut you off and why she thought you were being overwhelming.

 

I do find her behaviour very strange though and I definitely think she owes you an explanation and also an apology at some point.

 

Best of luck to you.

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I do find her behaviour very strange though and I definitely think she owes you an explanation and also an apology at some point.

 

Yeah I really don't understand why did started avoiding me either, but without her being honest and telling me I don't really have any way of figuring it out. Thanks for replying. Anyone else?

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