I have an "all or nothing" mentality...how to overcome?

[jhinesis]

So as the title says...I really do have an all or nothing way of thinking when it comes to dating. I don't like being uncertain or to not know what's going on...I don't like the games. And I've probably taken a few too many ques from that "He's just not that into you" book.

 

What I mean is...if I feel this guy I'm dating is being "wishy washy" or not acting like he's *really* into me(not asking me out or making contact with me for several days(or if I'm repeatedly the one to intiate seeing each other--because he's not bringing it up himself), not responding to me in a reasonable amount of time or at all if I text/IM him first)...I have a very strong desire to cut my losses and move on. I seem to have no patience when it comes to this. I can't just "wait and see"--that stresses me out. I will overanalyze everything, it will be all I can think about. My brain just wants it to be simple, either yes or no. The problem is...after I've decided to cut him out, he'll often times continue to talk to me and the cycle continues---stressing me out more with the back and forth.

 

I don't feel like he likes me as much as I like him. He seems to be content with the way things are--but I'm not. He says he wants to keep getting to know me, see what happens, but honestly reguardless of what he *says* his actions don't convey to me that he's super-interested. But if I ditch him after all these months and move on, I look like the bad guy. I look unreasonable. To be honest, it's just easier for me to cut contact and move forward--I can't do the whole friendly banter thing--because I like him a lot. But I know he'll be hurt and won't understand if I *do* cut him out for my own sanity--like I said, he seems fine with the situation. I'm not because I don't think it's going any where. I don't think he's interested enough in ME, or ready for a relationship/whatever. He claims he "doesn't know what he wants".

 

Thoughts for me?

[Girl wants EX]

I would guess: He is not that into you, but keep you as a safty net.

 

I experience the same thing. I would say: Let's move on!

[jhinesis]

I did do that though. I cut contact with him, I was fully prepared to move on. Then he starts messaging me about how I've written him off and how he's hurt that I don't talk to him any more. And how he wants to continue dating and how awesome I am. I ask him if he just sees me as a friend--he says I'm not a friend to him, I'm more, but he "doesn't know what he wants" right now. But he indicates that if I give him more time, maybe he'll be able to figure it out. So I'm satiated for awhile, but the uneasiness related to not knowing where I stand creeps back in!!! Ugh!

[IhaveCtrl]

I don't think he needs more time to decide. If I like a girl, I want to spend time with her and the games are a waste of time and energy. I would say he wants you to be there if something else doesn't come along. Kinda like a back up plan, you should'nt be a back up plan to anyone. Move on you will find someone who actually enjoys your company and wants to due things with you. Don't let him make you feel bad about leaving. He doesn't care when he is not answering you texts and not wanting to see you.

[Girl wants EX]

I believe you deserve someone better than him.

You seem someone strong enough to get rid of this "whishy whashy" guy, whom you actually like, you already look attractive in this way!!