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THE EX-GIRLFRIEND TOLD ME THIS -- My bf does not love me and wants his ex-girlfriend back


chingbee

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I have been with my boyfriend for more than 4 months now. We are happy, the only thing that was bothering me was his ex-girlfriend who was always trying to call him multiple times almost everyday. My boyfriend does not answer any of these calls, but she would leave voice messages to answer her. She would also send text messages that she still loves her, and my boyfriend told me that one text message was saying to leave me and go back to her.

 

Last night, I was with my boyfriend and she was calling again. I answered the phone and I wanted to ask her to stop calling my boyfriend. Then she already got mad and called me names, and told me that is has been my boyfriend who has been calling her everyday. She said things like "your boyfriend was the one who keeps on calling me saying he wants me back, that he misses me, and that he still loves me." She also added that "he also told me that he really does not like you and he does not love you at all." Then I asked her, if that is so, why do I see a lot of missed calls from her on my boyfriend's phone. She said those were the times that she was calling him back every time she misses his calls.

 

I asked my boyfriend and told me that the girl was telling lies. He asked me to trust him. He said he does not want his ex-girlfriend back, that I am the one he loves, and that if I would trust other people over him, then maybe it would be better if we just break up. I told him I am confused and that I will talk to him when I am ready. What shall I do?

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Why doesn't he contact his provider and have her number blocked? If he is not initiating contact, then it seems to me that she is harassing him. I had to do that with someone because she just wouldn't take no for an answer. It's stressful and causes nothing but problems. Silly stalkers.

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My boyfriend told me he will have his number changed, and that from there I would see that he is not the one calling her. I was just surprised to hear those things from the girl, and whether those things were true or not, they sounded true.

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One time I told my boyfriend to answer the call, because she kept on calling and calling. I heard him told her to stop bothering us, then he said "I don't love you." Then the ex-gf was crying.

 

I just do not know what happens when I am not with him, if he was really calling her.

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It's his job to put her in her place, not yours.

 

If he's serious about having a relationship with you, he needs to change his number, and put an end to this. If he refuses to do this, I would re-think this relationship.

 

All the best...

 

I agree completely.

 

He should be more proactive about telling her to stop.

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I asked him this morning to call her and ask why she was saying those things. He asked me why I do not trust him. He said he did not want to call his ex-gf because he has already told her many times that he does not want her back, and that he does not anymore want to prolong the problem by calling her. Should I trust my boyfriend with all this? I am confused. Thank you and sorry for the babbling.

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One time I told my boyfriend to answer the call, because she kept on calling and calling. I heard him told her to stop bothering us, then he said "I don't love you." Then the ex-gf was crying.

 

I just do not know what happens when I am not with him, if he was really calling her.

 

She is doing exactly what she intends to do. Place doubt into your mind because that is the only way she can get to him at this point.

 

She wants him back, or does she? She may just be trying to make his life miserable with the attitude of... she can't have him, so she doesn't want anyone else to have him.

 

If you really care for your boyfriend, and he has given you no reason to doubt him, then you need to trust him. Once he changes his number, then see where it goes. I would also suggest having him block her on Facebook/Myspace and the such if he has them.

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He has told her to stop, he has told her he doesn't love her and he has said he will change his number. What else is he supposed to do.

 

I think you are over-reacting to this girl's pathetic attempts to break you up. Except that they aren't really pathetic because they are actually working.

 

I think it's a great shame that you are going to allow this girl to ruin your relationship. And I say 'you' because I think your boyfriend has already done all he can.

 

I feel really sorry for him.

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Tell him to file a no contact order against her. It's something the cops can do that is like a restraining order, but easier. A restrainin order costs money and involves time in court. A no contact order is just a warning given by the cops that says she can't contact him anymore, and if she does it could result in charges against her.

 

My girlfriend had to do this with her ex.

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Thank you for all the responses and advices, I am starting to get enlightened. I will also talk to my boyfriend about this "no contact order."

 

My boyfriend called me just now and told me that his ex-girlfriend's sister called him a while ago. He said she was asking him to stop bothering her sister, and to tell me that also. What!?? My boyfriend told the sister that it was the ex-gf who keeps on calling him. He said she said nothing about that but instead said that if we keep on bothering her sister, we better think twice because she has a family who will never leave her alone. What is going on?

 

Why was the ex-gf asserting, even to her family, that it was my boyfriend who keeps on calling her?

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Her family loves her and will take her side no matter what? I do not know. This ex sounds like BAD NEWS. Do not wait to get the no contact order. Get the ball rolling asap or you're going to be consumed in the drama and it will more than likely damage your relationship further, if not ending it.

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Should you trust your boyfriend? Well geez, you're only in an intimate, committed relationship with him. What do you think?

 

Of course you should trust him. He's done nothing to put any doubts in your mind. There's no need to snoop through his phone. The ex is a crazy, jealous * * * * * who'll say anything to ruin your relationship. It will be the fault of your own insecurity if you believe her over him.

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If I were you I'd tell him that I'll trust him but I need him to get her number blocked because the calls and messages are upsetting. If he truly doesn't want to contact her then he won't mind doing it as it'll be for his own peace of mind as well as yours. It sounds like she's just jealous and wants to drive you away from him to me, and it's very unfair on him as he has to keep defending himself because of her. Therefore I think this way it gives him a chance to prove it to you and put both your minds at rest it's easy to get doubts through comments like that from the ex. I think it'd upset me too. Just give him a chance most people here seem to agree that it's probably just a crazy ex.

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If you trust someone then you should not need them to take any action that keeps them away from an ex. What the ex does is irrelevant if your SO is trustworthy.

 

You should not require an SO to prove that they are trustworthy because if you do ask them to do something to prove it - you have just demonstrated that you don't trust them.

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An ex does not call with that kind of frequency unless she is a little nuts or unless your bf was really calling her a lot. The latter would be pretty easy to figure out by looking at your bf's outgoing calls, if you are so inclined.

 

From what you've said, she sounds like a nutter, and you certainly shouldn't believe anything she's telling you.

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If you trust someone then you should not need them to take any action that keeps them away from an ex. What the ex does is irrelevant if your SO is trustworthy.

 

You should not require an SO to prove that they are trustworthy because if you do ask them to do something to prove it - you have just demonstrated that you don't trust them.

 

But such calls from an ex can be upsetting. I got upset when my boyfriend's ex showed signs of wanting him back even though he didn't return her feelings at all. It can place doubts in your mind that would never be there otherwise. Also, it's just damn uncomfortable. I think asking him to block her number is fair enough.

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But such calls from an ex can be upsetting. I got upset when my boyfriend's ex showed signs of wanting him back even though he didn't return her feelings at all. It can place doubts in your mind that would never be there otherwise. Also, it's just damn uncomfortable. I think asking him to block her number is fair enough.

But those doubts can only be there because of an element of distrust. And asking your boyfriend to block her number is telling him "I don't really trust you. I think that you are the sort of person who will cheat on me with your ex or dump me to go back with her and because I think you are weak and have no strength of character I want to control you so you don't give in to that temptation"

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Or maybe just tell her, look, we can be friends and no more, or if you keep calling like this, I'm going to block your number. And then follow through if crazy girl keeps at it.

 

Yeah I agree with you actually, she could first ask him to talk to her.

 

But those doubts can only be there because of an element of distrust. And asking your boyfriend to block her number is telling him "I don't really trust you. I think that you are the sort of person who will cheat on me with your ex or dump me to go back with her and because I think you are weak and have no strength of character I want to control you so you don't give in to that temptation"

 

Not really. In my experience I was glad when my boyfriend blocked his ex on MSN (which was the last place she could contact him. I had not asked him to do this at all). I know he doesn't want to get back with her, he's never seemed to want to be back with her, he also seemes to love me a hell of a lot. I have no reason to suspect him of cheating and although we're in different countries I genuinely trust him not to cheat. Still, having her blocked did make me feel better because she was acting like she wanted him back and it simply made me feel really uncomfortable. I didn't like seeing her trying to make him jealous just because it just seemed really rude of her and pretty awkward for me (as yes she did this in front of me). I don't see how asking him to block an ex that kept harassing him and you like that even when spoken to before means that you don't trust the guy. All I see is a way to cut out unnecessary negativity as they could even trigger bad thoughts out of nowhere if left that way. I don't suggest she should go and scream at him till he does it, just calmly suggest it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

honey been there done that it's gotten worst...mine was a lil bit different though...but the x is also my ex best friend...long time ago friend

 

 

me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months now...well the first month we were together i wanted to see his phone for some reason well he wouldnt let me see it so when he put it down i got it went through his phone i seen text messages to and from his ex girlfriend he asked her when were they going to get back together i was pissed from hell no joke...well it happened about 1 time after that and i said either quit talking to her or its over so he did...

 

 

then his phone had gotten messed up and he needed a new one so all this time we had no problems except one or two but didnt matter...well he had just recently got his phone back and 2 weekends ago he came over and i was playing around grabbed his phone and he got mad so then i threw at him and said whatever...well i go over there last weekend he forgot to take his phone to work with him so i went through it again this time his ex girlfriend who is suppose to be once again my friend or whatever asked him if he still loved her he said ya i still do love you....and oh yea i was beyond mad i yelled at him and everything....

 

 

he just told me last night he loved me and wanted to be together and i know if he wanted her he would break up with me first but still you dont do that or be smart enough to erase ur messages when u know ur girl is coming over...also lately he has been acting weird about me coming over so hmm somethings up....well this friday i'm going over there telling him straight up yea i love you with all my heart and yes i do want to be with you the rest of my life and u have my entire full heart...but the thing is you dont feel the same way and that's why i'm letting you go....

 

 

point to this is he is lying to you or he would do something about it and it will get worst so you should leave him and trust me i know its not easy and i will be crying for a couple of days whenever i leave him but it's something that needs to be done bc both of our guys are not going to quit talking to there ex girlfriends...i know when my boyfriend goes back to his ex girlfriend he loses his job and his house and his family will no longer accept him because they know she is just going to screw him over and i'm going to sit back and watch...

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Why was the ex-gf asserting, even to her family, that it was my boyfriend who keeps on calling her?

 

First - definitely trust your bf. You're probably hurting him a lot with all the distrust right now. The ex obviously has motive to lie. Your bf has done all he reasonably can.

 

But on this question above - this sort of happened to me once, different but the same.

 

I had a very, very, very, very close childhood female friend. We never ever had a fight and we were extremely close. Our families also knew each other. Around uni - I'd had enough. Throughout the friendship she had been mean to me often and was constantly nasty and negative about everyone else behind their backs.

 

I'd just suddenly snapped & had enough of being the doormat.

 

So I wrote her a long email explaining why the friendship was over and never spoke to her again.

 

(We reconciled when she got married and moved to another country but thats just an aside).

 

For years I didnt speak to her. When I saw her, I was so uncomfortable, I just didnt acknowledge her. She did the same to me. I didn't know how she was taking it but as she didnt contact me, I assumed she was fine. God knows, I was.

 

I eventually found out - that she was going home after uni practically every day, crying and sobbing her eyes out and telling her parents that I was swearing at her and abusing her from accross the lecture rooms.

 

I don't need to say - this was completely far removed from reality and absolutely crazy.

 

Other people who heard about all of this assumed she was just nuts (I don't even swear, let alone in a class! let alone accross the room! Let alone for no reason!!) - but I think I understood what was going on.

 

She was in heaps of pain from the end of our friendship and needed to express all that emotion. She also needed some attention and support from her family to get her through it. So she bawled her eyes out and made up these stories.

 

Could be the ex is making it all up to express her pain and get some attention in an attempt to feel better.

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Sorry, but I think asking him to block his ex is controlling and sending the wrong message - and doing something like that can fatally undermine a relationship.

 

But having the both of them keep being harassed by a crazy ex is a better option? My best friend recently blocked her ex as he wouldn't leave her alone and she's in a much happier relationship now for almost two years. She didn't like his phonecalls and messages and also didn't want her boyfriend to see them and get the wrong idea either, although it was mainly for her own good. I don't think it's controlling if she's harassing them both. It may be controlling if she wants him to block her when they barely even talk or are on civil terms but if she's constantly phoning him and causing trouble then why would he object to blocking her out?

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