Miss him

[illusionglimps]

Hey. My name is Abby and here's my story..

 

I'm in a soon to be 3 years old relationship with my first true love. We spent almost 2 years in a LDR and after that period he moved in with me and we stayed together for like 6 months. After this period he found out he had to move to the UK to help his mother, and he left without caring about what I thought. Just to make it clear, his mom wasn't sick or anything, she didn't really need his help but she just wanted him to be there with her. Absolutely selfish.

 

So now he's been gone for 6 months there. We have 3000 miles between us and phone talks are really expensive. I went and saw him 4 months ago, I payed almost everything with my own money so he didn't have to pay for anything but a train ticket.

 

After I left from there and arrived back to my place, things started to change.

 

Fast forward to now : I tried telling him that I can visit him since I have money but he says I can't because his mother is there ( he lives with his mother). I can't really understand this since I never did anything wrong to the woman. I was truly a lady with her and treated her very nice. He's in his mid twenties so really I don't see why is he acting like this.

 

He says we'll see each other in September when he'll be coming with his mom for his cousin's wedding. He said he can only stay for a maximum 2 weeks cause his mom is staying just for a week and he CAN'T tell her he wants to stay more. * * * !!!

 

I told him that I don't like this, I'll see him after 8 months and only for two weeks. And above all that, he won't come for my birthday, my most important birthday( my 21st), and I so planned to make a real party out of it, but without him all my mood went down the drain. He said if he's coming in sept it makes no sense to come in November too.

 

I feel worthless.

 

He doesn't want me to visit him sooner. He always thinks of money. I never asked him to pay for my plane ticket or anything. I just asked him to let me be welcomed there, but I see it's not possible.

 

I miss him like hell and when I know I could see him, when I know I have all the necessary money to visit him and stuff, but I can't visit him due to his mother and due to his own selfish reasons, or due to his fear or too much respect for her or I don't know, it makes me feel horribly unimportant.

 

I just wish I could see him. He's always welcomed at my place, even if my mother is around sometimes. My mom absolutely loves him.

 

I don't understand why his mom can't welcome me for a week or less. It's so difficult cause he doesn't even stand up for me or for our relationship.

 

Please help me.

Advices would be great.

 

Thanks everyone!

[DN]

Sorry, but this man is far too close too his mother to be able to have a healthy relationship with a woman. I doubt that will ever change even when she passes on - he will then need a woman as a mother-substitute rather than a partner.

 

I would cut you losses and move on.

[illusionglimps]

The quote from your signature says it all. Sometimes 'hope' isn't really enough.

 

I feel terrible. Coffee is my best friend now.

Confusion is a b*tch.

[DN]

Another quote that may be helpful - "when you are going through hell - keep going"

[illusionglimps]

If I keep going will I reach the Queen of Hell and fight her (PS: my future mother-in-law)?

 

Cause that would be really a boost and I would start running!

*blush*

[DN]

I know this is hard because you love him - but this is a time when you really have to take a rational approach and look at what you are putting in versus what you are getting out. And the answer is to what you are getting out is - nothing of value.

 

So your best move is to make the break, take some time to heal and then find someone who can join with you in a balanced relationship.

[sti_2004]

yeah your too young to be putting up with all that nonsense.

 

You'll find someone alot better.

[CallingAllAngels]

This is ridiculous. He sounds like a mama's boy.

 

Cut your losses while you can hon. You're only 21....you've got your whole life a head of you.

[Beautiful-Love]

Why is it that his mother doesn't want you to be there?

[illusionglimps]

She is just selfish I guess, she may be afraid I'll take him away from her. The plan is for me to move there next summer, but it's a long time till then. I guess she doesn't like the idea. Don't really know, can't talk with him very openly about it, since it's his mom.

[sti_2004]

good luck. if your gonna move no matter what then make sure you have a plan or security in case things dont go the way you want it.

 

His mumsgonna make things pretty uncomfortable for you by the sounds of it.

[illusionglimps]

I already have a security plan. I'm moving there in Essex which is an hour's distance from London. I won't move with him since his job is in London. I am going there for Uni. But at least like that I will be much more closer to him than I am now...