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Help me please... I need somebody to talk to :(


anne321

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Hello ladies!

 

I have been keeping this feeling bottled up inside me. But yea, here it goes. My husband is 33 and I am 25. We've been together for almost four years now. We have a great marriage if I may say. Although the only thing is... He got married to his college school mate when he was 23. He got the woman pregnant thats why. The woman moved overseas right before she gave birth cause they both think it wouldn't work out for the both of them. They divorced and got zero communication. He told me about her when we were on our first year of being boyfriend, girlfriend. I just got ballistic when I learned that he was married before. But I love him a lot so I tried forgetting about it. I know my husband loves me a lot. I know he is almost perfect and stuff. But every now and then whenever I get to remember his past I don't know why there is pain in there... Could it be because we are still childless up till now? Could it be because he got the "first wife" title? I don't know. All I know is that I am too bitter to accept these fact up till now. My husband wouldnt tell me anything about her. He said what's important is now and we are both happy with each other.

 

 

I just hate the woman and everything about her and my husband before!!! Although I never met her and stuff.

 

THERE, i've said it. That felt soooooooo good.

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I think what you're feeling is completely normal. I don't see anything wrong with how you feel. I think most women would feel that way.

 

But what exactly is he supposed to do about it? What do you need from him? Do you need him to tell you that you are special? Is it just jealousy? I think you just need to tell him what you need from him so you don't worry about it anymore.

 

I am the "first" and a source of jealousy for my ex's new wife. She is very jealous. I do not talk to him, but she still despises me. I am now remarried with children, and have no desire to ever even talk to the ex. I have tried to be a friend to her, but do understand that I am that "first".

 

I promise you , though...I am completely harmless. I think it is a shame that he doesn't communicate with her. Does he communicate with his child? That is a big red flag if so. I would not want to be with a man who has abandoned his child in any way. (There's nothing a mother could do to keep a determined father away from his own child...trust me...that isn't an excuse in today's legal world).

 

I would ask yourself if he really is such a great guy...he is quite a bit older than you. Where are his intentions? Maybe that is where your insecurities are and you are displacing it on the idea of "the first" rather than placing it on the person responsible....your husband.

 

Just a possibility, I guess...

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i don't blame you at all. does your husband have any contact with his child? does he want contact? you can't erase the past, but obviously, he is with you so he loves you. try not to dwell on the fact that you weren't his first wife, but rather, his last wife!

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I can understand how you feel, but on the other hand, this was 12 years ago, they have no contact, it was a mistake.

 

Try not to let false bitterness consume you and poison your marriage; I understand it hurts, but his past made him the man he is today, and he loves you and you're happy together. Focus on that, and focus on the marriage, not someone long-gone from the past.

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