pacopaco Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 I was spkeaking with a good friend of mine last night about this break-up I'm going through. First, he said I may be overreacting becasue it hasn't even been a week. That may be true, but it feels like a true breakup for me, and I am moving on, though it's only been Tuesday since she said she didn't want to speak with me any more. here's the insight I received 1. We used to live together and she cheated on me, slept with her boss. After I was out of the picture she continued on and off wit her boss throughout 2007. I guess during "off" time, she slept with another married man from work, and she stopped it after a few times. 2. She got into heavy drugs and began drinking heavily. not good. 3. She got into another realtionship that was just a bed buddy situation, saying to me that she was doing it because she felt that everytime she was loney, she'd call her boss. 4. now I'm in the picture since April of 2008. And she is not speaking to me saying that I am acting like a jealous boyfriend for asking who texted/called. and that questioning her is not the way to built trust, even though she says"I know I messed up." 5. She is now going to Yoga with some other guy at work everynight of the week, and again is not speaking to me (since sunday). I believe that all her behaviors were attempts to fill the emptyness, lonliness and guilt she got from cheating on me, among other things. She feels guilty still, and has said that that it is her one big regret having hurt me. She was sexually abused by a family mamber. I feel that when I took her back, I filled that emptyness up until she found out that I also have feelings, and that I also need to trust her again, and that I will sometimes ask her who it was that called or where she had been. Now she isn't speaking with me and is going to yoga with some other guy from work, who she claims has been a friend from the time she started working there. The guy aside, my feeling is that she's again looking for something to fill the emptyness in her life. She now knows that I can't do it for her, or fix her work situation (she's still at the same place with the same people except the boss hates her, and she hates her boss, SURPRISE!!!) for her. Bottom line is, I'm not going back. I can't go back because of what looks like a pattern to me. because her cheating had nothing to do with me, who is to say she won't do it again. After speaking with my friend, I became sad for her, sincerely. I do love her nad I care a lot about her. I always have, but I can't fix this for her, nor can I be with a person that cannot own up to hurting me the way she did. this is unfortunate. Link to comment
tulipsfav Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 You have had a rough time! I think for your own self respect you need to be strong and stay away from her. Do you feel that having contact with her would help you in anyway? The fact that she cheated on you is low. She is sleeping around, she might need to get herself checked for an std. Link to comment
pacopaco Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 I don't know that she's sleeping around with this guy, but that's the thing...I don't know. I'm not going to contact her, even though she said she didn't want to speak with me. I just don't want to stick around and see if she is sleeping with the guy. out of sight, out of mind. The last time she cheated on me, we lived together, so of course I knew because she didn't come home. I'm not going to call her. I feel that would be like walking into an oncoming bus. Again, I could be wrong, but with her pattern, it's a needless risk. Link to comment
Takotsubo Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Oh man!!! What a horrible situation! pacopaco, you need to remove yourself from this. It's unhealthy. You deserve so much better. Link to comment
pacopaco Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 I think it is a horrible situation, but I am glad to have had that insight. It makes complete sense to me. Again, I am sad, but sad for her. I truly loved her, and I guess i thought that taking her back again was going to be better. when we broke up the first time, I went through the pain. for a year and a half I had no sexual contact with anyone, or went on dates. I remember saying to myself "I just want to get through this." and I did. I think that she didn't. Link to comment
kiter Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 I believe that all her behaviors were attempts to fill the emptyness, lonliness and guilt she got from cheating on me, among other things. I believe that her emptiness, lonliness (and she probably is generally depressed as well although you dont mention it) comes from here ---> She was sexually abused by a family mamber She was feeling these things well before she met you. Until she deals with the inner hurt /pain of her abuse she will most definitely continue with this pattern or she will begin to use other means to 'medicate' herself. Link to comment
buba Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 What a sad situation.... I totally feel your pain. It's so hard to trust someone who cheated on you in the first place. You did....you took her back. seems like she has a very unhealthy pattern and is probably very promiscuous sexually(lots of sexual abuse victims are),even if it's unconscious....I trusted my ex with his "I miss you and I left her...." he stayed the night and never called again.It's been 4 days. Gotta start healing all over again and start making better choices. hugs... Link to comment
gidget1 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 I would not go to "Yoga" after work with a male colleague if I was in a monogomous relationship. putting my .02 in there. Link to comment
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