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Ex trying to be friends


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3 months since breakup (she broke up with me), ex is seeing someone new...not sure how long for...think a month at most....she is very keen to be friends but I've told her I can't be friends just now and she is respecting that to a point (she doesn't contact me outwith work)....we work together so have to speak on a daily basis....I never initiate chat and am always quick to bring it back to 'work chat' if she tries to deviate.

 

My question....is this the best way to act around her? I don't know whether I should be acting all happy around her and be open to 'friends' chat at work as it seems to be unavoidable or am I best to go on as I have been and being a bit cold, work colleague only?

 

I know it should be about acting whatever way is best for me but I guess I'm just at the bitter stage where I want her to at least feel some sort of loss i.e. that we've going from being a couple to not even being friends.

 

Anyone in a similar situation?

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Don't be fake but be aloof. Stick to work topics only. There is nothing that says you have to be her buddy and share weekend antics and such.

 

Only be friends if you think you can handle it. Are you over her? If you think being friends is going to get her back don't even go there.

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Don't be fake but be aloof. Stick to work topics only. There is nothing that says you have to be her buddy and share weekend antics and such.

 

Only be friends if you think you can handle it. Are you over her? If you think being friends is going to get her back don't even go there.

I'm not over her (wish I was) but don't want to reconcile.....I'd just be signing up for more heartache. I do however want to be friends down the line because we get on so well but I'm not ready for it now and I've told her so. I try to be aloof at work but she makes a fair few attempts every day to get me to chat and regularly asks if I want to grab a coffee. I don't want to give the impression that I can't handle being around/talking to her....which is why I wonder if being too aloof and turning down coffee gives the best impression (I was the opposite before we split).....then I think if I engage in friendly chat I'm giving her the best of both worlds.....she has a new special someone and she gets to keep our friendship.....aagghh

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Don't be too aloof like you don't care.

 

If you want to hang out with her, do it.

 

Otherwise, just be friendly, like you would to another coworker that you don't know well.

 

Perfect. If you don't want to go to coffee or aren't comfortable then don't.

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I think aloof is the key ;-), I'm not going to initiate anything and just engage/disengage depending on whatever feels best.....I know this probably sounds like game playing but it's really not......it's 96% about trying to be smart about my healing and making sure it happens as quickly and healthy as possbile and then a measly 4% of wanting her to share some of the hurt of the demise of our relationship/friendship ;-)

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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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