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After months of trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me, I've got it. I am a self-destructive narcissist. It's a crazy realization. I never thought of myself as a narcissist because when you think of most definitions of narcissism, it's more of a self-love, non-empathizing person who can only think of himself and feels entitled to having it all (money, women/men, etc.).

 

To finally see myself as a self-destructive narcissist makes me realize that my entire adult life has been centered around self-destructive behaviors. Smoking, drinking too much on a regular basis, cheating on my partner, jeopardizing my job by absenteeism, and a host of other minor things that I see.

 

I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be able to love myself, get healthy and form true healthy human bonds. I know it will take a long time, but recognizing it is the first step I suppose. My therapist will love me tomorrow lol.

 

I guess I'm just curious if anyone else has had experience with this, or has dealt with someone like me and any observations they had. Thanks for reading.

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I have studied extensive NPD's and I think you underestimate this personality disorder. It is all prevailing. These people are the walking zombies of this world devoid of love and empathy, and have little or no conscience.

 

All Sociopaths and Psychopaths are narcissists. They are the controllers, abusers, stalkers, the bullies of this world. They play mind games, they lie and twist and project their disorder onto others. They are paranoids, aggressives, obnoxious and manipulative twisters. They 'gaslight', they isolate and who don't care who suffer their abuse, they just gotta take everything, cos they just gotta have it all!

They cannot bear to see someone else happy so they take it away and replace it with fear and misery.

 

You sure thats you? The very fact that you have been soul searching and want to change tells me you are not.

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