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having a rough time :(


urbanmiller

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hey all, i just wanted to share my disappointment over something that recently happened to me.

 

i met this guy online and i went into the first date with no expectations and figured i would just go for the hell of it. however, when we met in person the second i saw him he took my breath away and i got butterflies. after a great first date, i was feeling what i had heard many people describe how they felt when they met "the one."

 

we had another great date that lasted for hours. he kissed me and it was the best and most memorable kiss of my life (the only other memorable one being my very first kiss in 8th grade).

 

i have never in my life been this excited and "infatuated" over someone that i had just met, or anyone for that matter. i had never been so giddy and excited and swept off my feet from a single kiss. i thought this could be it for me. it seemed so right, and he at least APPEARED to have everything i was looking for in a man...

 

apparently not though, because he told me he was going to be pursuing another relationship with someone else.

 

i know we only went on 2 dates so it's really not that devastating, but it is EXTREMELY RARE for me to have felt this strongly--in fact i have never felt this way in my entire life (i am almost 27 years old). how could my initial gut feelings about him been so wrong? i am disappointed and confused....

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Ooowhh That sucks! Im so sorry! I know you werent exclusively but still, arrrghh how eviil of him!

 

dont worry though.... who knows when next guys appears... Soon you will see there are other maybe better guys there. cuz really, if you are realistic then you understand you dont really know him at all, you only knew him from 2 dates where ppl usually try to give their best impression, he could be very different in the "normal" life. It sucks, but you will move on.

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Hey urbanmiller--sorry that things did not work out the way you had hoped. But don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault that he has decided to go in a different direction--in fact, it was good that if he did not feel the connection he was looking for, he was honest with you instead of stringing you along. That doesn't help much, I know, but at this point it is better that you are disappointed and confused than heartbroken and devastated.

 

The upside is this--the fact that this has happened should reaffirm for you that there are people who you have this kind of connection with out there....the tricky part is finding the right one. Perhaps this one was not meant to be, but it should be a reminder that the person who is right for you is not as far away as you may have thought.

 

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the game--let that rare feeling you got be the motivation for trying to find it again.

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thanks so much for all your replies. it helps to see another perspective. another thing i wanted to say and ask for people's opinions about relates to the way i have approached relationships...

 

as of lately i have treated obtaining a relationship like a "goal." i thought that if i worked hard enough at getting one, trying to do everything "right", and by never giving up that eventually i would obtain my goal of finding the right relationship. just like the ways i have worked hard to get other things in my life that i wanted, like in my education and my career.it became my focus for something i wanted to achieve as quickly as possible.

 

now i'm thinking that maybe this is the wrong approach and i should sort of just let it be and see what happens. not focus on it too much. what do u guys think about that?

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Set yourself up with two dates next time, that way you can keep your feet on the ground and have options to explore without feeling this is "The (only) One". You can always cancel if you do meet someone special.

 

This guy obviously did the same and I'm sorry it didnt work out for you.

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you put too much into this guy waaaay too early. that is why you feel so upset. the one? seriously? you had a great feeling i wouldn't doubt that, but the one? i wouldn't go that far.

 

and just because you felt so strongly about someone, doesn't mean they will feel that way back.

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When I approached dating like this, I always picked the wrong women because with each person I dated that decided to stick around for more than a month, I started over-analyzing relationship potential and trying to move too fast. After several terrible relationships in college, I finally decided to change my tactic and just try to go with the flow. Two relationships later, I met my wife....it was uncanny.

 

I got really really lucky to find her so quickly, but I think the reason I did was that I stopped trying to control an aspect of my life that nobody can really control....you can't control when you meet "the one." You just have to be patient enough to allow it to happen.

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