Not seeing each other + manipulation

[ay0_x]

Okay so.. I've been "dating" this guy for about.. a month? But we've been "boyfriend and girlfriend" for about two weeks.

 

I've been having family problems that mean I can't go out or talk on the phone atm. Basically, my family and another family are involved in a kind of "war". On Monday night there was a violent episode. while I'm not the cause of any of this, my parents are pretty angry at me because my ex is on the other family's side and he hit my dad. So basically they don't trust my judgement when it comes to making friends and/or relationships at the moment. For safety reasons they've also made me stop using my cell phone. My relationship with my parents over the years has been rocky AT BEST, and it's REALLY CRAP at the moment, so I'm willing to acquiesce just to avoid a screaming match. The last time I saw my boyfriend was Saturday.

 

ANYWAY. To the relationship side of things. My boyfriend is angry and upset that he can't see me, because he's used to seeing me every day. He's pretty upset that he can't talk to me on the phone, and hates that the only thing we have now is MSN. He IMs me, and if i dont reply straight away, he goes on a tangent about how I've changed. I'll admit I'm not super-sweet super-romantic super "Omg baby I miss youuuuuu" at the moment because of all this family stuff and I've apologized but it doesn't make much of a difference because he's angry and when he's angry.. He's angry. and I'm angry to start with so.. It causes fights. and I hate it.

 

our relationship didn't start on a great note. When we were "dating" he hated the fact that I was dating other guys and I couldn't be exclusive, and he'd get insecure, and pick fights with me, even though he really didn't have a right to. When he's angry and he's fighting with me, he'll start saying things about my ex (who he doesn't know, but is jealous of cause me + my ex were together for a long time), and if I try to calm him down, he'll be like "WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING YOUR EX? YOU STILL LOVE HIM!".

 

I have this really annoying feeling that he wants the fun parts of a relationship with me but none of the nitty gritty. when I tell him about a problem, he'll be like "aw.. so what are you gonna do about it?" which isn't the.. idk.. Greatest way to deal with me when I'm down. But it's not very fun when he's picking fights. I'm not used to someone swearing in the middle of an argument with me. I tell him all of this. And he says "So, you'd rather have a guy who doesn't fight with you but ends up screwing you over anyway? Maybe I just make a big deal out of everything because I care!". all his behaviour feels manipulating, though. I hate it.

 

Thoughts? Advice? Help? Similar stories?

[Umlunguusa]

This sounds like my ex...she was only there for me during the good times, but come bad times, she was no where to be in site.

 

so you don't date exclusively? or maybe you do? I didn't get that part of your story...

 

well, also, he's just a little clingy, insecure, even. I know I am alot because girls always seem t want to play with guy's minds. not saying you do, of course. lol but like this girl I'm seeing now even...she can't decide whether she likes me or some other guy...to be honest, it doesn't do well for my security or self-esteem...

 

Maybe he has a similar problem?

[ay0_x]

This sounds like my ex...she was only there for me during the good times, but come bad times, she was no where to be in site.

 

so you don't date exclusively? or maybe you do? I didn't get that part of your story...

 

well, also, he's just a little clingy, insecure, even. I know I am alot because girls always seem t want to play with guy's minds. not saying you do, of course. lol

 

When we first met, I was "dating" a lot of guys. Going movies, having dinner, hanging out. I told him that. It made him insecure and he'd cause fights and be cold/distant towards me. I'd shrug it off and he'd do the whole "YOU DONT EVEN CAREEEEEEE!". We're exclusive now- we have been for about two weeks. He knows I don't date anymore.

 

The thing is, if anything, I'm the one who should be insecure :s. He has a reputation as the biggest player around, and all my friends are like "Ay0_x, you're with HIM?! EVERYONE'S HAD HIM!", and sometimes I think he starts these dramas with me, so I don't start them with him. =\

 

am i even making sense? lolll

[Umlunguusa]

 

The thing is, if anything, I'm the one who should be insecure He has a reputation as the biggest player around, and all my friends are like "Ay0_x, you're with HIM?! EVERYONE'S HAD HIM!", and sometimes I think he starts these dramas with me, so I don't start them with him. =\

 

am i even making sense? lolll

 

or maybe he just realizes you're quite a catch, and he doesn't want to lose you! well, maybe I have no room to talk, I'm somewhat clingy myself, but not THAT clingy--I mean, I'm in love with my best friend, she is in love with me, but also this other guy...of whom I believe she is having sex with. wow.

[purpleduckie]

When we first met, I was "dating" a lot of guys. Going movies, having dinner, hanging out. I told him that. It made him insecure and he'd cause fights and be cold/distant towards me. I'd shrug it off and he'd do the whole "YOU DONT EVEN CAREEEEEEE!". We're exclusive now- we have been for about two weeks. He knows I don't date anymore.

 

The thing is, if anything, I'm the one who should be insecure :s. He has a reputation as the biggest player around, and all my friends are like "Ay0_x, you're with HIM?! EVERYONE'S HAD HIM!", and sometimes I think he starts these dramas with me, so I don't start them with him. =\

 

am i even making sense? lolll

 

If he was like that, why would you become exclusive with him? He sounds like he has issues. It's manipulative. He's doing all this -not because he likes you so much or that he thinks you're such a catch- though i'm sure you are, he's doing this to be controlling. he likes the drama, that's why he's always starting it. nobody is that in love after a month.

 

He might just be playing you like this because guys know when they act like this, some girls will fall for it because omg, this guy is SO into me!!! then he goes mia.