update on my situation

[joethe]

you all know that i wrote my ex a letter. She came over yesterday and we ended staying the night together. She said she wants to be with me, i told her lets take it a bit slow. She is living 45 min away from me right now, its a little hard. i just hope that we can move back intogether soon. Im not sure if i should act like we were when we were really together or what? advice please

[joethe]

I just got off the phone with her, this is really hard for me.. she's talking about fixing up her room at her moms house. like i said were not living together and our son is living with her.. I just dont get it, she wants to be with me but abviously doesnt want to live with me right now. She said we just need our own time to grow, but i feel that if someone wants to be with you, they will want to live with you.. and we have lived together for the last 2 years.. please advice, im taking it the wrong way i think, i keep getting angry at the fact that she doesnt want to live with me.. please advice how am i really supposed to handle this?

[joethe]

I think i know what im going to do, im going to stop saying i miss her so much, even though we are technically together right now i feel that pursuing her with kind words such as i miss you or i love you so much will make this easier for her, maybe if i back off a bit she will want to actually take the step in moving back in with me?

[joethe]

Anyone?

???

[Pixiedoc]

Hey, I think you need your own space as much as she does right now.

 

You can't just go back to the way it was immediately after a break up - there has to be some re-negotiation and acknowledgement of why it went wrong/what you are BOTH going to do about it.

 

Have you done this?

 

It probably feels to her that if she has her own (secure) space in which to make decisions, she is more able to be rational about them.

 

If you are being very 'full on' you may be putting pressure on her, as seen by her, regardless of the genuineness of your own feelings.

 

If you can, take a step back, say to her you understand her need for some distance, but you are here for her when she's ready.

 

I really do wish you luck and know how hard this is.

[joethe]

thanks for the advice.. i said exactly that, i told her i understand her need for space right now, and told her that i will be here whenever she is ready. thanks again

[joethe]

thanks again for the advice, she really appreciated the kind words, i just really hope that she wants to move back in with me soon.but i will not push her nor will i even bring it up again, when she is ready im assuming she will let me know? right?